My Wife and Kids (2001)

Mom's Away (1)

While Jay is away taking care of her mother who broke the leg, Michael is left in charge of the house and the kids. They all miss their mother, and nothing Michael does seems to be as good how Jay did. Jr. wants to join the basketball team. Michael doubts he'll make it, but when he does Michael has other problems to worry about: Jr.'s friends, who seem to be using him. Meanwhile, Kady is cranky and not even Michael's efforts to make cookies just like her mother's are working. Trying to get a smile from her, he starts to tell her how she was born. Claire's friend Charmaine is spending the night over. But the two have bigger worries when a pregnancy test comes out positive.

Mom's Away (2)

The pregnancy test was Charmaine's, who is thinking about running away from home. Thanks to Michael's advice on teen parenting (something he had to go through himself), Charmaine decides to talk to her parents about it. Meanwhile, Michael tries to prove to Jr. that his friends are not as friendly as he thinks, something Jr. only realizes after one of the guys tries to hit on his sister Claire. And Michael goes on with the story on Kady's birth, how he took over the pregnancy for Jay and how she ended up with Shaquille O'Neal thanks to a hospital mixup.

No Rules

Michael's trying to run the house, but the kids don't want to obey his rules. They rebel against him and Michael decides to let them live rule-free. But no rules also means Michael won't help them at all. They'll have to cook their own meals and set their own alarm clocks. Kady is the first one to give up, followed by Claire after Michael installs a pay phone in the house. Now only Jr. is left. He is attacked by ants from eating food in his room, and has his bike destroyed after he leaves it on the driveway. Nonetheless, he's too tough to admit he needs rules. That is, until Michael locks him out of the house and he has to sleep on the grass.

Perfect Dad

The kids complain that Michael is being too strict since Jay left the house to take care of their grandma, so they call for a family meeting where they all discuss the way they think the family should be, with no repercussions. Jr. thinks having a rapper for a dad would be cool; Claire thinks the perfect dad should be the manager of the country's #1 boy band and Kady thinks Michael should be a big blue dragon (much like TV's Barney). Michael shows them how these versions could go wrong, and shares his thoughts of perfect children (which also wouldn't work). At the end they all agree they should work for a better family relationship, even if it's not how they dreamed it to be.

Thru Thick and Thin

Janet returns home from taking care of her mom's injury, and she's put on a few pounds after eating mom's home cooking. Michael doesn't know how to "diplomatically" tell his wife that she's packing a little bit extra. The episode builds to a dream sequence, in which Janet imagines that the entire family is tremendously overweight.

He Heard, She Heard

Claire asks her parents to go to a party, but Michael won't let her. Jay thinks he should trust his daughter more, so he lets her spend the night over at Erica's (even though that wasn't his original decision). When he picks up the phone, he ‘accidentally' listens to Claire's conversation, where she says she'll fool Michael and go to the party. Michael sets up a scheme to catch her, but Kady overhears it. Claire bribes her sister with liquorish so she'll page her when Michael leaves the house. The plan works, and Michael can't rest until he discovers how Claire tricked him. Finally, he bribes Kady and catches Claire and her friends with a fake party he made up.

Michael's Garden

Michael takes Jr. to the doctor and the doctor asks Michael to take a prostate exam. Michael is reluctant, but he understands it's all for the best. But the doctor finds something suspicious and just for precaution asks Michael to take a colonoscopy. Michael has nightmares about it, but luckily it wasn't anything serious. Meanwhile, Claire thinks she can trick Jay into doing homework for her and Kady calls the police after hearing her mother screaming in the bedroom. Michael says they were "playing the roller coaster game".

Let Them Eat Pie

When the kids are grounded and aren't allowed to watch TV, they decide to play "make me laugh or die". Claire loses, and she is challenged to eat Michael's ‘half time lemon pie'. When he wakes up looking for the pie and finds it to be missing, he asks his kids who ate it, but they all deny having anything to do with the missing pie. Michael decides then to give them a special punishment until one of them comes clean: all they're allowed to eat is lemon pie. This comes in a very hard time for Jay, who's hosting her ‘chubby buddy' reunions at the house. Tired of seeing pies, Jay puts a stop on Michael's punishment and points out that the kids have learned a lesson: stick together. Michael, frustrated for not discovering the truth, starts a pie fight in which everybody starts throwing pies at each other.

Jay Gets Fired

Jay gets fired in front of the girls on "take your daughter to work day". She comes home devastated, but for Michael having Jay home is a dream come true. Jay runs out of things to do around the house, and seeing his wife miserable, Michael decides to make a few calls and get her a job. Jay is happy about it, but not as much as she is after helping Jr. work on his Shakespeare and taking Claire to the mall, something she wouldn't have time for if she still had her job.

The Whole World is Watching

Jay buys Jr. computer appliances (including a 24-hour broadcast webcam), and Michael protests saying he'll only use it for porno instead of studying. They start to fight over who's in charge, and make up on Jr.'s room, unaware that they're being seen through Jr.'s website by the entire world. The next day, Jr. discovers what his parents did, and seeing the unlimited reach of the internet, Michael decides to use it for promoting his business.

Letting Go

Michael accidentally kills Kady's hamster and doesn't have the courage to tell her right away, which results in Kady playing around with a dead hamster. Meanwhile, Claire pretends to be sick to skip school and have a boy over, but Michael suspects she's up to something and doesn't leave the house until he catches them. He promises not to tell Jay – who ends up forgiving Claire and letting her date the boy – if Claire takes responsibility for the dead hamster. And Michael also suspects their neighboor is spying on him while he's on the bathroom.

Learning to Earn It

Michael decides to teach the kids how to handle money due to their inability of spending the allowance money wisely. He proposes that each kid comes up with their own business, and at the end of the week he'll double whatever profit they made. After a slow start selling "lemon aids", Kady discovers that garage sales are a very profitable business – especially when you're selling perfectly good appliances for very cheap prices. Claire starts her very own beauty salon, using Jay's expensive hair care products and the good towels. And Jr. chooses gambling to make money, something Michael devotes his full attention to prove being wrong – especially after losing his 3,000 dollars golf clubs to Jr. on blackjack – by buying a slot machine and making Jr. lose all the money he made.

Quality Time

Michael wants to play the videogame and Jay thinks he doesn't love her anymore. He takes her out to dinner, and after 3 hours he returns home to his games. Jay is upset and decides that they should see Dr. Bouche. Michael is reluctant to go back to that "fat quack" and picks a different shrink, who's also very fond of the game and doesn't even bother to keep Jay's name. She's not satisfied, so they go to another psychologist, this time chosen by Jay. He gives great advice, and they realize they both have to give personal time for each other. Meanwhile, Claire wants to tag along with Jr. to a basketball game, and won't let her. Michael teaches him the duties of an older brother and how to look out for his sister, while he tries to believe someone might actually be attracted to his sister.

Get Out

Michael is on a mission — to get his notoriously late family dressed and ready to go to a wedding in 15 minutes, but everybody has some sort of problem that keeps them from getting fully ready. First it's Jay, who insists on having Michael's opinion on her outfit (so she can pick the exact opposite) and has a problem with his clapping. Then there's and Claire, who picked a not-so-formal dress. On top of that there's Kady, who decided to eat chocolate pudding and ruined her clothes. When they are finally ready to go, Kady has a bathroom urge, and the entire family goes back to the house. Finally, Jr. has a heart-to-heart talk with his dad about his mean jokes to him and they leave, missing a phone call from Michael's aunt saying the wedding is cancelled.

Road Trip

Jay organizes a historic trip to Paul Revere's house for the entire family to learn more about American history. She even packs colonial food (which Michael hates) to give it an extra touch. Michael, unlike Jay, isn't so excited about spending a long time with Jay and Claire in a car. The reason? They're both on that time of the month, which spells trouble! The trip is full of problems, including being pulled over twice, Michael being lost and refusing to use the navigational system, Jay's neurosis about her weight, Jr. terrorizing Kady, Claire's whining and Kady playing with the voice alternator she got in her chicken from the chicken place clerk. The family survives, but when they finally get to Paul Revere's house, it's closed.

Table for Too Many (1)

Michael gets to the gas station and has to wait forever for the guy in front of him to move on. Irritated, he gets home to watch the Michael Jordan game on TV, but Jay says they're going out for family dinner at Tokahana's, an overpriced Japanese place. When they get there, the problems start before they even get inside. The valet charges 7 dollars to park their car – a rip-off according to Michael. Jay has to give the man 10 dollars so they can finally enter the restaurant. Once there, they have to wait forever at the bar, where they are forced to buy drinks. Tired of waiting, Michael goes to check what's taking so long for their table, and the hostess makes them wait a little longer. Michael even pushes Kady into the fish pond, hoping that will make Jay want to go home, but no. Instead, she buys a 60 dollar sweatshirt for the girl. They finally get in, and who's at their table? The same guy from the gas station and his family!

Table for Too Many (2)

The entire dinner is doomed from the beginning. First, the chef isn't Japanese like all other chefs in the place, then the hostess sips on Michael's drink, then when he goes to the bathroom his rival violates the men's bathroom etiquette rules – and doesn't even wash his hands before leaving. When he comes back at the table, the guy hands Michael his lobster, with the same hands he didn't wash. Finally, when they make peace, Michael refuses to sing along on the guy's wife happy birthday song. On top of that, the manager says the Tyler's charge is on the house. Michael decides it's time to leave, so he can finally watch the game he taped, but when they get to the car they find the valet smoking cigars inside of it, celebrating the game results, ruining the only remaining thing that could be good on Michael's night.

Double Date

Claire wants to go on her first date with Tony, but Michael is reluctant to let her. So he decides he and Jay should also go with them to the movies so they can check on Tony. He proves to be a perfect gentleman despite Michael's innumerous attempts to unmask him as a horny teenager. Such a gentleman that he even refuses to kiss Claire. Michael, who was so worried about his little girl, is shocked to see Claire kissing Tony. But now they know they can trust the boy. Meanwhile, Jr.'s at home babysitting for Kady and decides to take advantage of her. He has her play waitress for him and trades her dimes for his pennies, only to find out later she spit on his soda and traded him a penny worth 200 dollars.

Failure to Communicate

Michael's parents come to visit him, but Michael is worried about the way they treat each other and how that is reflecting on his own children. After a disastrous attempt to fix things, Michael and Jay finally decide to let things the way they were. Meanwhile, Jay and Michael worry about Jr.'s rush to have sex and his new girlfriend.

Papa Said Knock You Out

Michael freaks out when he spots a gray hair, but not on his head. He feels he's getting too old, and decides to practice boxing again to get in shape. He even teaches Jr. some tricks and some punches, until Jr. knocks Michael out, giving him a black eye. Meanwhile, Claire is ready to go on her first date with Tony, and Jr. mishears their conversation and thinks they're having sex. He decides to defend his sister and confronts Tony, who gives him a black eye. But it all turns out fine after the situation is cleared.

Return of the Wall

Jay is coaching Kady's soccer team. The girls complain it's not any fun and Michael tries talking to Jay about it. He ends up taking over coaching the team and promising to make it fun for the girls. Jay doubts all that fun will lead to any win and just waits for vengeance. When Michael's team loses, the girls are offbeat about it and Jay breaks the news that she's been asked to coach another team, and they'll be playing Michael's on Saturday. Jay's team wins, but at least Kady gets to score her first goal. Jay decides to retire from coaching after her win – but not without enjoying her win over Michael.

Working Relationship

Jay's feeling bored ever since she was fired. She can't think of anything else to do around the house, and won't let Michael watch the Jordan game until he hires her as the new accountant at his firm. What comes as a great idea for Jay turns out to be a nightmare for Michael, because Jay wants to turn his morning ritual into running errands; takes over his office and gives the employees way more breaks than they should get. Cornered, Michael goes to Jr. for advice, who tells his father he should just fire Jay. When he does, Jay is extremely hurt. After a deep talk, they decide Jay can continue to work side-by-side with Michael, but not as intrusive as before. Meanwhile, Claire tries to show Kady that E.T. is not so scary.

Jr. Kyle, Boy Genius

After receiving Jr.'s SATs score results (a perfect 1600), the Kyles believe they have a genius in the house and start treating him more respectfully. Unfortunately, the results weren't Jr.'s, and his true score turns out to be only 200. Still, he proves he's not so dumb and puts together the jungle gym Michael couldn't put together for Kady. Meanwhile, Jay asks the girls what they to be when they get older. Claire wants to shop (to for companies, for her), and Kady wants to be an officer, so she starts practicing it around the house.

Back Story

When the kids tease him about getting old, Michael pretends to have hurt his back in a game of Twister so they will have to cater to his every whim.

Make Over

Jay and Michael are grocery shopping when they run into Susan Green, former cheerleader from their highschool. Susan is in great shape, which makes Jay feel ugly and inadequate like she did back in high school. Jay feels depressed and Claire talks her into getting a makeover to boost her self-esteem. Meanwhile, Junior gets himself locked in a girl's locker after a misfortunate attempt to steal her bra.

The Bowling Show

The Tylers and The Kyles go at it in a game of bowling. All this is going on during Star Trek night. Junior meanwhiles develops a crush on The Tyler's daughter.

Jr. Gets His License

When Jr. finally gets his driver's license, he buys his first car — a dilapidated, gear-grinding, backfiring clunker — instead of the sensible car that Michael picked out for him. And, right before school picture day, Claire's vanity takes a hit when her face becomes swollen from a tooth abscess.

Anniversary (1)

Michael and Janet's 15th anniversary is approaching. Jay's girlfriend Wanda brings her Brian McKnight's tickets (a concert Jay was really looking forward to see), but unfortunately she has to turn it down because it's on the same night as their anniversary. Wanda says Michael will forget about it, but Jay refuses to believe in that and even has the kids spy on him to find out if he's secretly planning something.

Anniversary (2)

The anniversary day finally comes and Michael goes out to play golf, leaving Jay devastated at home. Later, she goes out for drinks with her girlfriend Wanda, who insists Jay should confront Michael. When she gets home, she starts to punch him with the Ali signed boxing gloves she bought for Michael, and he reveals he was just faking it all along with Wanda's help. He gets down on his knee and proposes to Jay. They have a vowel renewal ceremony with the presence of Brian McKnight and renew their vowels and reaffirm their love for each other.

The Kyles Go to Hawaii (1)

The Kyles are leaving for their family vacation on Hawaii, but instead of taking only one flight straight to the island, Michael thought it would be a good idea to make a quick tour around the country, so they make stops at New York, Chicago, Denver and other cities before they get to Hawaii (two days later). When they finally get there, Michael's luggage gets lost and they're forced to take a master suite because their reservation expired. While Michael wants to make it a romantic and resting trip, Jay wants to get to know place, and drags the entire family on a historical tour – except for Michael, who chose to sleep in. The kids are sick of the tour and go back to the hotel. Jr. tries to meet women and buys a book on how to talk to women subliminally, while Michael keeps scaring away any guy who lays his eyes on Claire.

The Kyles Go to Hawaii (2)

Michael and Janet decide to go out on a romantic dinner, leaving their kids all alone. Claire and Jr. fight over who'll have to stay in the room babysitting for Kady, but Claire lets her brother get out of the duty, after all it's not often he gets a date. Jr. has a memorable night on the beach with Leilani, a native girl. Kady and Claire decide to spend their times on the hotel's spa, while at the dinner table Jay and Michael both struggle to say no to the temptations they met – an female underwear model and a male chest/abs model. When they go back to the hotel, they find their three kids resting in peace. Kady and Claire are glowing like never before, and Jr. has the biggest smile on his face. With all three sleeping deeply, Michael and Jay decide to extend their night at the beach, celebrating their second honeymoon.

The Kyles Go to Hawaii (3)

A mad scramble ensues when Michael finds out that the family's flight home from Hawaii leaves much earlier than he thought, but matters are complicated when a love-smitten Jr. insists on staying with his new love, Leilani. Meanwhile Kady refuses to leave without her beloved doll, Little Pippy, and Claire has to go to extremes to keep her parents from finding out about her exorbitant hotel charges

Samba Story

Tired of the same dinner-and-a-movie routine, Jay convinces Michael to take dancing lessons to spice up their relationship. At first reluctant, Jay's argument that wins Michael over is that he better go to those lessons or else she'll shut down "pantyville". When they get there, only more problems waits for Michael. The samba instructor is all over Jay, which makes him so jealous he has the guy deported. The new instructor, however, is a very attractive woman who is all over Michael, making Jay jealous now. They decide to quit the samba lessons after all and spice up their marriage in their own way. Meanwhile, Claire's accepted in the cheerleading squad, but won't believe she only got in for her looks and not for her talent – which is none.

Diary of a Mad Teen

While making Claire's bed, Jay finds her diary hidden under the mattress. She can't resist the temptation of reading it and is quite shocked to learn that her daughter is thinking about taking the next step with Tony. She has a heart-to-heart talk with Claire, about the consequences of pursuing hr hormonal desires. Meanwhile, Michael is scheduled for an appointment with the eye doctor even though he insists there's nothing wrong with his sight (doesn't matter than he can't even read the paper without squishing his eyes). He decides to have Jr. drive him there so he can test his driving abilities for an upcoming date with a girl. When he comes out of the doctor's office, Jr. is gone, and Michael tells him that he disappointed him big time, and if he can't trust Jr. to be there for his family, then he might want to consider moving out. And all Kady wants to do is play hide-and-seek.

Claire's New Boyfriend

After Michael admits liking Claire's boyfriend, Tony, she dumps him. The poor kid is devastated, and since Michael likes him so much he decides he's going to help Tony win Claire back – specially after seeing her new boyfriend, Jason (or "1040 EZ" as he likes to call himself). The results aren't good, so Michael has a heart-to-heart with Claire. He explains to her that Jason isn't good to her, and any men who are with her should treat her like the princess she is. Since the talk doesn't show any results either, Michael decides to act like he likes Jason and see if that makes Claire dislike him. Luckily, Claire comes back to her senses and gets back together with Tony. Meanwhile, Jay refuses to admit she looks like Jr.'s drawing of her. Instead, she believes she looks more like Halle Berry.

Crouching Mother, Hidden Father

Jay volunteered to be the director for Kady's kindergarten class play, but due to illness she is forced to step away from the production, leaving it all on the hands of Michael – for the children's salvation, because Jay was way too competitive, even arguing with their teacher over the quality of their last show. Michael allows the children to make any changes they want on Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet", and the result is a very successful – and very weird – play.

The Fighting Kyles

Sick and tired of listening to their kids fights, Michael and Janet act like they are fighting themselves so Jr. and Claire can see how annoying it is and quit it. But the three Kyle children get the wrong idea and think their parents are splitting up, and try their best to bond them and end the fake fights.

Sister Story

Michael's sister Kelly is coming over for the weekend, which freaks Jay out because every time Kelly comes over she overstays her welcome and always gets on Jay's nerves. This time is no different, with Kelly constantly throwing on Jay's face that she is fatter than her, a worse cook than her and even tries to make her look like a bad singer, even though Jay can sing wonderfully. Things heat up when Kelly brings up Sharon, Michael's old girlfriend and Kelly's best friend. The two women get into an argument and it's up to Michael to break them up. He pulls it, and Kelly and Jay finally get along. But for how long?

Jr's Dating Dilemma

Michael decides to help Junior on his women approach techniques, seeing that his son has absolutely no clue on how to behave around women. His advice consists on primarily having women say "really?", which is the key for a successful approach. When Jr. tests Michaels advice on one of Claire friends, he's surprised that it works, and even gets the girl to agree on going on a school dance with him. But Jr. was just testing her so he could ask the hottest girl on school out, which he does (and she accepts, on a move to make her ex-boyfriend jealous). Claire's friend is crushed, and Michael now has to teach him how to apologize properly to a woman. Meanwhile, Jay freaks out about her dream of Michael and Janet Jackson having an affair.

Jay the Artist

Feeling that she has no space and time of her own due to home duties, Jay decides to paint. The result is a portrait of Michael based on Michelangelo's David, which makes Michael feel a little bit "diminished". They start an argument over it, which ends on Michael finally agreeing on letting Jay show her work at a friend's art gallery – with a "big" change, that is. Meanwhile, Michael renews acquaintances with old buddy Steve, while the kids are encouraged to develop their artistic abilities aswell. Claire designs clothes, Kady plays the piano and Junior, like his mother, decides to paint.

Chair Man of the Board

Michael's old friend Tommy is coming over and Michael is very excited because he and Tommy used to compete for everything. But his excitement soon turns into awkwardness when Tommy shows in on a wheelchair and Michael doesn't know how to act with the situation. Tommy decides to take advantage of that until they have a talk in which Tommy asks Michael to treat him like he used to, because despite the wheelchair he's the same guy that used to race Michael for anything. Meanwhile, Claire is caught shoplifting and gets grounded for it. When she confronts Kady about who put the nail polishers on her purse she feels so guilty she confesses to their parents that Claire didn't do it. The punishment? She will no longer be treated like a baby.

Open Your Heart

Jay decides to attend a "Open Your Heart" seminar for struggling couples, even though she and Michael are happier than ever. Her excuse is "prevention", but Michael warns her not to try fixing something that isn't broken. At the seminar, they are teased against each other and stop talking to one another. It takes Kady suffering an accident at school for them to realize how important communication between them really is. Meanwhile, Michael wants his children to learn the value of money and tells Jr. to start his own business selling monkeyfish like he. Jr., instead of the monkeyfish, decides to get 100% refunds on the clothes Claire buys with a 40% discount at the store she's working. When Jr. gets caught, Claire gets fired and Michael punishes him by making he wear the clothes he wanted refund.

Michael's Tribe

Michael (aka: Chief Bald Eagle) is recruited to camp out with Kady and her friends and teach them Native American lore. Meanwhile, Clare and "the new Tony" plan to stay out all night themselves: they're plotting to sneak out to a "rave."

Blackout

Michael wants some time alone in the house and makes a deal with Jay for her and the kids to get out of the house. But of course it doesn't come as easy as he hoped. He has to pay for Claire to agree on going to the mall and is forced to watch The Little Mermaid with Kady for the hundredth time. He switches the movie to Gremlins, which scares the death out of the poor girl, and when the power goes off Claire freaks out about losing her entire work on the computer. In the end, the power failure ends up bringing the Kyles closer together.

Man of the Year

Jay nominates Michael for the "Small Businessman of the Year" award and he assumes he's going to win it (especially after a golfing buddy on the organization's board tells him: "If my vote were the only one that counted, you'd be a shoo-in"). Meanwhile, Claire helps herself to items from Jay's makeup bag once too often.

Jr's Risky Business (1)

As a very impressed Michael sees it, his son's girlfriend, Vanessa is an absolute prize: "She's beautiful, smart, personable and polite... you guys have nothing in common," he tells Jr. But there's something about her that rubs Jay the wrong way. Elsewhere in the courtship department, Kady's similarly smart and personable gentleman caller is a budding piano prodigy named Franklin. As for Claire, all she's courting is a severe case of nerves: the PSATs are coming up and her face has broken out in hives.

Jr's Risky Business (2)

After walking in on Jr. and his girlfriend having sex on his bed, Michael decides that he and Junior can no longer live under the same roof and throws his son out. Feeling sympathetic for her baby, Jay opposes to Michael's attitude, but at the same time agrees the boy needs a severe punishment. She had Jr. stay on a tent in the backyard until she can cool things down with Michael, who only realizes he might be estranging his son for good after Vanessa has a woman-to-woman talk with Jay. Michael lets Jr. move back, remembering that he once was in the same position as Jr.

Jury Duty

Michael and Jay are asked to serve jury duty together. Michael's elected foreman and wants to move on the trial quickly so he can get home to watch the "Godfather" marathon on TV. But Jay won't vote in guilty because she thinks there has to be a debate first. Thanks to that, Michael ends up missing the marathon, and has to rent the videos to catch up with the movie. At the video store, he meets an insurance salesman whom he mistakes for a mobster, and is convinced that the mob is after him due to the case. The case ends up being dismissed before they can vote, and Jay is disappointed that Michael wouldn't back her up but has her revenge when Michael acts like a fool.

Here Come Da Judge

When Jr and Claire find a lost wallet containing $500, it's time for a session of "family court" to decide who gets the money. Meanwhile, Claire's boyfriend Tony induces her to become a vegetarian.

Claire's Permit

Claire has taken her driving permit, but Michael won't lend her the car because he doesn't think she can drive very well. Nevertheless, Claire steals the car keys thinking if she goes out really quick while her parents are gone they will never notice. Unfortunately, she drives by them on her way to meet her friends, and Michael decides to teach her a lesson on the Michael Kyle style: stealing the car and making Clare feel guilty about it. She goes to Junior for help, and they call the police reporting the stolen car. Michael ends up in jail due to the mixup, but he and Clare end up getting along after everything is cleared up.

Sharon's Picture

Jay gets mad at Michael after finding a photo of an attractive former girlfriend among his things. Franklin has trouble admitting that his little sister Aretha is an outstanding singer.

Tee for Too Many

Jay decides to spend more quality time with Michael - by watching him play golf. Meanwhile, Jr., who only wants to go to college because Vanessa's going, asks Franklin for help with the application essay.

The Big Bang Theory

Michael and Jay panic when Claire reveals that she and Tony have decided to have sex. Her parents try by all means to change their minds and stop them, unsuccessfully. When the day and time comes, their find out Claire has sneaked out of the house and panic. Claire and Tony show up a few minutes later, and just when Michael is ready to kill him, Tony reveals that they didn't do anything. Just when they were about to do it, he opened the drawer on the hotel room's nightstand and found a bible, which he took as a sign from God. But he doesn't have to know that every hotel has a bible.

Not So Hostile Takeover

Claire comes home with the exciting news that she was invited to senior prom. Jay is excited about it and volunteers to chaperone at the dance, in order to keep Claire safe from her date, a senior quarterback. But Jay's exaggerated excitement makes Claire feel uncomfortable, especially when her parents are crowned queen and king of the prom. Michael tells Claire that she shouldn't be upset about it because Jay never attended her own prom as she was giving birth to Junior that night, and so Claire lets her mom enjoy her moment. Meanwhile, Junior falls into another one of Michael's plans once he tries to teach the kid a lesson about money management and ends up turning his car the exact opposite of Junior's plans.

Graduation (1)

Jr.'s graduation is coming up, and he breaks the news to his family that he wants to go to college. At first shocked, Michael decides to help him make a good interview, but his anxiety and lack of good sense makes him look like a complete moron. He even tries to bride the interviewer, when he's finally asked to leave Jr. alone. The kid does reasonably good. A few days later a letter arrives at the Kyles, saying that Jr. got accepted but has to take summer school classes. Meanwhile, Clare wears a blond wig to call her parents attention, thinking she has been forgotten now that Jr. is on the spot. And Franklin applies to the soon available son spot on the Kyle family.

Graduation (2)

Junior finally graduates, and his parents give him a trip to Japan as a gift – and as a way to separate Junior and Vanessa, who are planning on moving in together and getting married as soon as they start college. Both Kady and Clare admit their sadness on Junior leaving, and Michael and Jay feel proud of having raised a semi-successful child. They go out to relive some of their memories and when they come back late at night they find Junior and Vanessa sitting in the kitchen. He's decided not to go to Japan anymore. Vanessa is pregnant.

From Dummy to Daddy

After hearing the shocking news that their son Junior is going to become a father, Michael and Jay freak out. They try to talk with him and help him realize he can't support a family living in their garage and having no job, so Michael offers him a job at his firm. Due to Michael's teasing with the boy, he gets late for his first day and Michael fires him after his second tardiness. But seeing that his son needs all the help he can get, Michael gives him another chance. Meanwhile, Tony feels guilty about having spicy thoughts about Claire and Franklyn is still out for Junior's spot on the Kyle family.

The Sweet Hairafter

Michael meets his friend Jimmy at the golf club and is impressed with how much hair he's grown with the help of some "miracle" pills called "Come Hair Now". As he starts to take them in overdose, weird stripes of hair rise from his chronically bald head. He's jealous of his hair and won't let anyone touch it. He also starts to get paranoiac that Jay is trying to kill him after they make a life insurance, but turns out it was just one of the side effects of the pill. Meanwhile, Kady becomes very jealous of Claire when she volunteers to be on the big sister program.

Jr. Executive

Michael wants Jr. to learn the family business by starting at the bottom, so he assigns Jr. to do menial jobs around Kyle Trucking. Jr., however, decides to use the fact that he's the boss' son to his advantage and convinces other employees to do his work for him. Meanwhile, Claire arranges a secret date with a guy she met on the Internet in a Shakespeare chat room.

Jay Goes to School

Jay decides to go to college and get her psychology degree, which Michael fully reprehends her for. He doesn't want her to put the household in second because it would jeopardize the entire family and eventually could ruin their marriage. After going to a real psychologist, Michael and Jay come to terms and she agrees to scale back her classes as he decides to let her pursue her dream. Meanwhile, Junior's friends turn his old crib into some sort of vehicle.

Meet the Parents

Vanessa's parents come over the Kyles house to discuss the future baby's situation. Michael is outraged with the demands from the Scotts, but Calvin's size makes Michael think twice before taking any drastic measures. They take the Scotts out for dinner and are left with the bill. Realizing they have a couple of con artists on their hands, Michael and Jay stand up for themselves and set the baby's true needs – which don't include a new house for the Scotts as Calvin wanted.

He's Having a Baby

Worried about Junior's fathering skills, Michael decides to enroll him in a parenting course. Junior is reluctant to attend, so Michael gives him a water balloon that Junior should keep for a week as if it was the baby. If it breaks, he'll have to attend the course. Michael doesn't let Junior have it easy, and Junior insists that more than wanting to teach him how to be a good parent, Michael doesn't have any trust in him.

The Funeral

The Kyles are willing to support Michael's inconsolable employee, Larry, who can't get over losing his 103-year-old grandmother. But Larry goes overboard when, at the funeral, he asks little Kady to kiss his "Grammy" goodbye and for Jay to sing his beloved grandmother's favorite R&B song.

Marathon

When Jay works hard to get in shape and run a marathon, Michael thinks that, since he's a man, he too can run the marathon - without any real training. Meanwhile, bible-quoting Tony asks the gorgeous Claire to dress "ugly" so he won't feel so turned on.

Ultrasound

The Kyles and Vanessa's parents escort her to her first ultrasound. When asked if they wanted to know the baby's sex, Michael is the only one who stands out with a positive answer. Obsessed with knowing whether he's having a grandson or a granddaughter, he tries by all means to have the doctor tell him. He finally assumes it's a boy, and tells Jay and eventually the rest of the family. But in the end the situation reverses as they all confirm with the doctor the real sex of the future Kyle and leave Michael out in the rain. Meanwhile, Franklyn freaks out with the idea of losing Kady to "Smilin' Willie" and tries to learn how to be a dance master.

While Out

Much to Claire's delight, Michael and Jay forget to recite their house rules — "No friends, no fires, no freedom, no fun" — before going out for the night. As a result, Claire decides to throw a party so she can get in with the so-called right crowd. Things get raucous when someone spikes the punch and a drunken Tony fulfills a fantasy and streaks down the street naked.

Michael's Band

When Michael's old friend and former bandmate, Johnny "Saxophone" Watson, comes to town for a gig, it turns out Johnny's piano player can't make it. Michael eagerly accepts an invitation to take the man's place, but refuses to admit that his musical skills have gotten rusty. Meanwhile, love is blind when it comes to Franklin realizing that his little sister, Aretha, is a much better singer than the tone-deaf Kady.

The Lady Is Not a Tramp

Michael's imagination takes off when he finds a package of condoms in daughter Claire's backpack — the same day her boyfriend, Tony, is returning from a month in the desert. Annoyed that her father is jumping to conclusions, Claire decides to give him a taste of his own unique brand of discipline. Meanwhile Jr. accidentally gives Kady his pet dog's medicine — and Kady pretends to turn into a dog.

Of Mice and Man

When Jay finds mouse droppings, she demands that Michael hire an exterminator to get rid of them, but, as usual, Michael is determined to handle it himself. Meanwhile, Claire is also freaked out by a rodent when she accidentally runs over a squirrel while driving home.

Moving on Out

Tired of living in the garage, Jr. looks for an apartment and enlists his buddy, John, to be a co-signer except that John has to dress up and pose as Jr.'s grandmother for the realtor. When Jr. and Vanessa's families come to visit the couple's new apartment, Jay is shocked to find that her new grandchild might be living in a run-down building with yellow police tape around the entrance.

Candy Wars

When Kady wants to spend some quality time with her father, she enlists Michael's help in the school candy drive. But when the father of last year's winner claims he can prevail once again, a competitive Michael loses sight of helping Kady and commits to selling an exorbitant number of chocolate bars.

Jr. Sells His Car

Jr. restores his prized 1964 Impala, but then he and Vanessa surprise everyone when they decide to sell it in order to have money for their new baby. Meanwhile, Franklin seeks advice from Michael on how to act more like a normal kid.

The Anniversary Present

Michael and Jay try to hide their disappointment when they don't receive the wedding anniversary gifts each are expecting from each other. Meanwhile, with Franklin's help, novice cook Claire hopes to prepare a gourmet dinner for her parents' anniversary present.

Illegal Smile

The day after an anti-wrinkle injection goes awry for Michael and he ends up with an unnatural expression, he has to fight a traffic ticket in court. The judge is angered by his frozen grin and sentences him to a night in jail, where Michael's cell mate, Big Guy, thinks Michael is coming on to him since he keeps smiling at him.

Outbreak Monkey

When an ecstatic Michael scores a ticket to see basketball star LeBron James play at Madison Square Garden, his excitement quickly turns to paranoia when, just days before the game, everyone in the Kyle household – except Michael – comes down with the flu. To ensure that he won't miss the game, he goes to absurd extremes to keep from getting sick, including spraying disinfectant on his family and using a ten-foot grabber to hand Jay her orange juice.

Empty Nest (1)

During a rare occasion when Michael and Jay have the house to themselves, they find themselves reminiscing about the fun times they've had with their kids and various friends. Some of these memorable moments include Jay's obsession with her weight and Michael's visit to a proctologist.

Empty Nest (2)

During a rare occasion when Michael and Jay have the house to themselves, they find themselves reminiscing about the fun times they've had with their kids and various friends. Some of these memorable moments include Jay's obsession with her weight and Michael's visit to a proctologist.

Calvin Comes To Stay

Calvin, Vanessa's gregarious father, has an argument with his wife, Jasmine, gets kicked out of the house and moves in with the Kyles, against their wishes. When he starts eating everything in sight and keeps everyone awake with his loud snoring, a frustrated Michael comes up with a clever plan to get Calvin back home.

Calvin Goes to Work

When the overwhelmingly strong and gregarious Calvin, Vanessa's dad, begs Michael to give him a job at Kyle Trucking, Michael does so reluctantly and his worst fears are realized. Calvin's way of dealing with customers and merchandise leaves a little to be desired, and now Michael must find a way to get rid of the man without getting himself hurt in the process. Meanwhile, Claire gets Franklin to help her with her science paper.

Romantic Night

Wanting to spend quiet time together, Michael plans a romantic evening with Jay at an exclusive hotel. Then, when Jr. mistakenly cancels the reservation, Michael tries to create a romantic night at home. But things take a disastrous turn when Michael hurts his head trying to shut off the water valve, Jay handcuffs them to each other – but can't find the key – and a burnt roast almost causes the house to burn down.

The Director

In his excitement to tape a basketball game, Michael accidentally records over a home video of Kady's first steps, which happens to be one of Jay's most cherished family moments. When Jay decides to have a family home movie night, Michael must act quickly and enlists Franklin's help to reenact that moment of Kyle family history.

The Maid

While Jay is away at a seminar, Michael hires a maid, Mrs. Hopkins, to look after the family. Mrs. Hopkins fulfills their every need and want to a sweet perfection, including homemade ice cream, an immaculately clean house and handmade outfits for Claire. When Jay comes home, she appreciates Mrs. Hopkins' attention to every detail, but begins to feel that perhaps she has taken over just a bit too much.

Hand Model

In a twist of fate, Michael is recruited as a hand model during Claire's modeling audition. As he flaunts his newfound fame, he is careful to protect the family's new financial asset – his hands. Meanwhile Franklin feels threatened by Kady's friendship with Rachel, so, on Jr.'s advice, he takes matters into his own hands.

What Do You Know?

The family plays a game which shows them exactly how much they know about each other.

The Baby (1)

Jr. and Vanessa announce that they want to have the baby at home with the help of Summer Breeze, a midwife whose natural childbirth methods include the whole family's participation.

The Baby (2)

Jr. and Vanessa announce that they want to have the baby at home with the help of Summer Breeze, a midwife whose natural childbirth methods include the whole family's participation.

Fantasy Camp

Michael can't focus on much else after learning that he'll be going to sports legend Michael Jordan's fantasy basketball camp in Las Vegas. Everyone shares his excitement – but for different reasons – and finds some reason as to why they should tag along. Once there, Michael learns that there's been a mix-up with the game schedule, so he resorts to some inventive ploys of his own to ensure he gets to play his idol.

Resolutions

Michael fails a child-care course for grandparents, so Vanessa and Jr. refuse to let him baby-sit his grandchild.

Parent Trap

Michael is reluctant to attend his high-school reunion until a former rival challenges him to a dance-off.

The Fellowship of the Baby

When an overwhelmed Jr. thinks he is not smart enough to take care of his own son, Michael tells Jr. that "Jr., Jr." is a "magic baby," and that every time he holds him, it will make Jr. smarter. The ploy works, but in the process Jr. becomes somewhat arrogant with his new-found knowledge, so Michael brings Franklin in so that the two geniuses can match wits. Meanwhile, Kady catches Claire sneaking back into her bedroom after hours and threatens to tell their parents, unless Claire does some favors for her.

Pokerface

Michael advises Jr. that it's ok to spend some time away from Vanessa and the baby, but his advice misfires when Jr. invites Jay along to their all-male poker game. Michael decides, in turn, to crash Jay's all-female book club, where they're discussing the latest book by Angeline Boudreaux.

The Proposal

Jr. is finally ready to propose to Vanessa, but every time he tries to do so, something interrupts him, including Michael and Jay -- who are preparing to compete against each other in a karaoke competition.

Restaurant Wars

At first, Michael is skeptical that Jay can be successful at opening her own soul food restaurant. But his competitive and supportive sides emerge when the Hoos, the owners of the Chinese restaurant across the street, use sneaky tactics to put "Jay's Soooooouuuul Kitchen" out of business.

The Return of Bobby Shaw

Micheal's enemy, Bobby Shaw tricks Jr. into signing a contract making Jr. his slave. When Micheal tries to get him out of the contract,they end up in a dance off.

The Wedding

Jr. and Vanessa announce that they want to get married in two weeks, Vanessa having told Jr. that she wants a small, simple wedding. Michael and Jay offer to help plan it, but instead of something simple and sweet, they plan an elaborate and expensive ceremony that includes dolphins, a castle and 751 guests. Frustrated, Vanessa tells Jr. he needs to regain control of things, forcing him to decide whether he should stand up to Michael.

Careful What You Wish For

When Jay wishes that Michael would give her the kind of romantic attention that she sees newlywed Vanessa getting from Jr., Michael decides to kill Jay with kindness so he can get back to watching TV and ignoring her. Meanwhile, Franklin tells Kady that he thinks he's too short and goes to great lengths to appear otherwise.

They Call Me El Foosay

When Vanessa innocently buys Jr. a foosball game, Jr. discovers his competitive nature and becomes obnoxious when he wins. When Michael challenges Jr. and wins, he initially wants to teach his son a lesson about being a good winner. But then when Michael continues to win, his "fatherly lesson" goes out the window and instead he becomes obsessed with playing foosball. Desperate, the Kyles have to come up with a plan to break the game's hold on Michael.

Study Buddy

Michael feels neglected because Jay is spending all of her time studying for her psychology final. He decides to tutor her, but his efforts cause her to fail. To make it up to her, he tries to bribe her professor to let her re-take the test. Meanwhile, when Kady thinks Franklin prefers her smart friend over her, she tries to act more "brainy."

Sweetheart's Day

When Jay insists that Michael buy her a present for "Sweetheart's Day," a reluctant Michael comes up with a scheme to base the price of Jay's gift on her attitude towards him at a particular moment. He shares his plan with Jr., Tony and Franklin, hoping that they will follow the lead, but the only lead is straight to trouble.

Silence Is Golden

Bahamas

The Bahamas (2)

The Remodel

Realizing that the garage is no longer a suitable living situation for Jr., Vanessa and the baby, Jay insists that Michael have it remodeled. When the contractor bids are too expensive for his taste, Michael decides to take on the job himself, with Jr.'s help. But when they get in over their heads, Franklin -- who happens to be a certified contractor - has to come to their rescue.

Michael Joins a Gym

The same day Michael realizes he can't fit into his favorite pair of vintage jeans, he runs into an old high school friend, the muscular Daryl (Terry Crews), who doesn't look any older than when Michael last saw him. He enlists Darryl's help to get him back into shape and, in the process, becomes obsessed with looking fit and buff. Meanwhile, Franklin fails his first test and fears that Kady will no longer accept him.

Celibacy

When Jay tells Michael that their love life will be even better if they are celibate for six months, Michael is willing to abide by her wishes, although reluctantly. Meanwhile, Franklin and Kady plant some seeds in the ground to symbolize their growing love for each other, but the seeds grow into an ingredient for a love potion that Jay uses to spice up her romantic dinner for Michael.

Jr.'s Cartoon

When Jr. wins a national competition for his cartoon entitled "My Wife and Kid" -- based on himself, Vanessa, the baby and the rest of the Kyle family -- it catches the attention of ABC. Michael becomes Jr.'s agent, but the meeting with the television executives goes badly, crushing Jr.'s dream opportunity, so now Michael has to find a way to rectify the situation. Meanwhile, Claire threatens to break up with Tony unless he can bring some "umph" into their relationship.

Michael's Sandwich

Under a time deadline to catch his flight, Michael tries to prepare his signature, masterpiece sandwich to take with him on the plane. But various family distractions delay his getting to the airport, and his beloved sandwich is searched by suspicious security guards.

Graduation Day

It's Jay's college graduation day and Michael is determined to make it go flawlessly - but everything that could go wrong does, and the day seems destined for disaster. To make matters worse, Jay thinks Michael, who didn't want her to go to college in the first place, is trying to sabotage her special day.

Michael Sells the Business

With a lucrative bid from a large company offering to purchase Kyle Trucking, Michael convinces Jay that, if they sold their business, they'd be able to spend more quality time with Jr., Jr. and watch him grow up -- something they wish they could have done more of with their own kids. But the offer goes bust and Michael's nemesis, Bobby Shaw (Katt Williams), comes up with a surprising proposal. Meanwhile, Kady and Claire antagonize each other over who gets to spend more time in the bathroom.

R.V. Dreams

Michael, who is determined to make record time driving from Connecticut to the Grand Canyon in a luxurious R.V., convinces his reluctant family to make the road trip so they can spend quality time together. Along the way, Michael puts the family through many misadventures -- including getting lost -- and in his haste neglects to read one of the R.V. manual's most crucial operational features.

The 'V' Story

Now that the kids are almost out of their hair, Jay insists that Michael have a vasectomy so they can feel free to enjoy themselves, but Michael is reluctant to go through with the operation.