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Flash Gordon (1936)
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A Touch of Murder
In this opening episode, which takes place in Rome in 24 BC, it is seven years since the battle of Actium and three years since the Roman Senate acclaimed Octavian (Augustus' real name) as Emperor. Rome is finally at peace after nearly three decades of disastrous civil wars, first between Julius Caesar and Pompey and then between Octavian and Mark Antony and Cleopatra. Rivalries and political intrigue are not dead, however. Marcus Agrippa and Marcellus are clearly at odds and Livia is determined to advance the career of her son Tiberius. After a public falling out with Marcellus at the seventh anniversary party for the battle of Actium, Agrippa leaves Rome for the East. Marcellus is in high favor, not only with Augustus, but also with the Roman populace. When Augustus is on an inspection trip to Greece and Octavia and Julia are out of town on a holiday, Livia sees her chance to strike. When Marcellus falls ill with a stomach flu, she takes over as nurse and cook. Mysteriously, he only gets worse. Octavia and Julia are finally informed and rush back to Rome, but it's too late - Marcellus dies of 'food poisoning'. "There is a lot of that going around", says Livia. Augustus is informed by letter. The people of Rome erupt in demonstrations and near riots. There is no other recourse but to recall Agrippa to Rome to help Augustus govern. But, there's a price that Agrippa asks - to have Julia as his wife. Livia is furious. She had plans for Julia and Tiberius, but now Agrippa is in the way.
Family Affairs
This episode takes place between 13 and 10 BC. It's been nearly a decade since Julia was married to Marcus Agrippa, during which she was apparently happy and frequently pregnant (she had five children with him in their nine years together). Agrippa, however, became expendable and died mysteriously (poison?). Thus, the way is finally cleared for Tiberius to step in. Livia forces him (reluctantly) to divorce his wife, Vipsania, and marry Julia. The opening scenes take place at the Roman baths where Drusus and Tiberius are working out and then cleaning up. Tiberius is clearly unhappy as Augustus' assistant -- errand boy might be more appropriate according to him - and as Julia's husband. He has 'black thoughts' and resents his mothers schemes. Drusus is about to go off to the Rhine frontier. He predicts a return to the Republic after Augustus retires. The wives are together in a separate part of the baths getting a rub down. Julia establishes herself as self indulgent and sexually liberal while Antonia is clearly traditional and conservative. Julia implies that Tiberius has deviant sexual tastes, which she could probably stand if only he would pay more attention to her. Tiberius has been mooning all around town over Vipsania and has even visited her at her house secretly. When Augustus finds out about this he is both publicly embarrassed and privately irate, but Livia gets Tiberius off the hook by claiming that she knew of the visit. A letter arrives from Drusus which expresses frank, almost treasonable Republican sentiments. Unfortunately, it's read by Livia. He also tells of a minor wound and Livia immediately dispatches her personal doctor to treat him. In spite of the doctor's 'best efforts', gangrene sets in and Drusus dies. Augustus now openly favors his grandsons, Gaius and Lucius, over Tiberius. After a dinner at which everyone seems to have had too much wine, Julia and Tiberius have a fight over Vipsania. At the end of this, Tiberius calls her a 'fat, drunken cow' and slaps her. Augustus is livid and banishes Tiberius.
Waiting in the Wings
This episode takes place between 2 BC and 4 AD. Tiberius is living on Rhodes in the eastern Mediterranean while Julia is alone and 'active' in Rome. Freed from the supervision of a husband, Julia has abandoned herself to sensual pleasures. Tiberius remains unforgiven by Augustus, who apparently is the only man in Rome unaware of Julia's indulgences. (Her behavior was particularly scandalous since Augustus had implemented laws requiring a husband [or father] to reveal and punish an adulterous wife.) A letter arrives for Tiberius from his mother. "The answer, I'm afraid, is no.", to his return to Rome. Gaius has died inexplicably of wounds received in the East, but his brother Lucius has been promoted to command the Roman army in Spain. Julia remains the scandal of Rome. Lucius and his friend, Plautius, call on Julia to bid farewell. Julia gives Plautius a little 'gift' in the privacy of her room. Back on the patio, the children are playing. Suddenly, an eagle drops a wolf-cub which is caught by Claudius. The sign is interpreted by a priest. Rome too will one day be wounded and Claudius will protect it. The other children mock the prediction. Later, in the Palace, Plautius is confronted by Livia and recruited as her spy on Julia. Augustus, meanwhile, is lecturing a group on nobles on Roman morality. We are introduced at this point to young Herod Agrippa and also get a closer look at poor limping, stammering, twitching Claudius. Julia continues her wanton ways, seemingly with half the male population of the city - but now under the watchful eyes of Plautius. The list (a long one) is finally given to Livia and from her to Lucius, whom she convinces to inform Augustus. Augustus confronts the assembled men who confess to the affairs. Augustus is devastated. He disavows Julia and banishes her for life to a barren island in the Mediterranean (Pandateria). Augustus still resists recalling Tiberius, but when Lucius is killed in a 'boating accident' while enroute to Spain there is no one else to turn to. At last, Tiberius returns to Rome to become Caesar's assistant and heir - along with Julia's youngest son, Postumus.
What shall we do about Claudius?
This episode takes place between 4 AD and 10 AD. It opens with a tipsy Claudius remembering a family dinner. Everyone except Castor is there. They are stuffed and drowsy and half listening to the famous Roman author and poet, Horace. Augustus lavishly praises Horace and criticizes Ovid (not present). Ovid is "too smutty", he says. (Ovid is chiefly remembered for the sensuality of his writing. He was later banished to Tomi on the Black Sea by Augustus, perhaps in retaliation for his role in Augustus' granddaughter's adulteries.) Claudius is obviously an embarrassment to everyone and he stammers and twitches as he and the other guests depart. There's a brief discussion of what to do with him at the upcoming games when a courier arrives from Germany. Disaster has stuck the Roman Army on the Rhine! Quintilius Varus and the 17th, 18th and 19th Legions were drawn into an ambush by the Germans. The Army has been slaughtered, nearly to the last man. Only Cassius Chaerea and a little band of 120 men managed to cut their way back to the Rhine bridges. (80 made it.) The Roman provinces in Gaul lay open to plunder by the Germans. Tiberius is dispatched with the few available units. More troops will follow as they are raised, equipped and trained. Meanwhile, we get to see more of Claudius. He meets the famous Roman historians Pollio and Livy in the library. He displeases Livy by overcorrecting him in his search for a manuscript. Then, in his conversation with Pollio, he's told that his father was poisoned. Pollio gives him good advice. "If you want to survive, exaggerate your stammer and twitch.", he's told. "No one will think you're worth killing." He inadvertently follows this advice at the games in honor of his father. After bumbling his way around the Imperial Box, he faints at the brutality of the gladiators. At Livia's suggestion, Germanicus is sent to the Rhine with reinforcements for Tiberius. (To get him out of town?) Livia's spies have established the clandestine meetings between Postumus and Livilla. Livia confronts Livilla with this and draws her into a plot against Postumus. Livilla secretly invites Postumus to her room and when he gets there, fakes an attempted rape. In spite of Postumus' explanation, Augustus believes Livilla and banishes him to "a small rock". Before he can be shipped off, however, he slips the guard and tells Claudius all before he's recaptured. At the end of this episode, Claudius finally gets married. They all meet the bride at the ceremony. She is Urgulanilla - well over six feet tall. Everyone bursts out in laughter except the stoic bride and groom.
Poison is Queen
This episode takes place in 14 AD. It opens with Claudius rummaging through a barrel of old documents and finding Augustus' last will. He remembers Augustus' final year… The Germans have at last been suppressed and Germanicus has returned to Rome to a triumph and the accolades of the Senate. Later, he and his brother, Claudius are alone on the patio. Claudius finally has the chance to pass on the truth about the false charge of attempted rape that was brought by their sister Livilla against Postumus. Further, he reveals his suspicions about Livia's spies and plots to further the career of Tiberius. Germanicus must tell Augustus, who would never have believed Claudius. Apparently, Augustus believes the story. He inexplicably plans a trip to Corsica, which will take him right past 'the rock' where Postumus has been confined these past four years. He's coy about the trip, which raises Livia's suspicions. This is especially so since he hates sea voyages, but appears to anticipate this one joyfully. Livilla denies having said a word, but who else could know the truth? Surely not 'poor twitching, stupid Claudius.' Augustus makes the trip with his trusted friend, Quintus Flavius Maximus, and sure enough they stop secretly to see Postumus. Postumus is understandably angry and Augustus is appropriately repentant and the two reconcile. Postumus will be recalled and his inheritance as heir will be reinstated, but first Augustus must lay the groundwork with the Senate. Livia suspects something is up and cons the Chief Vestal into allowing her to see the secretly revised will. Augustus' health begins to fail. He's struck by severe stomach pain and is convinced by a series of 'signs' that his end is near. Nevertheless, he nurses himself back to health and has a chance to thank Claudius for his part in rectifying the situation. He's been wrong about Claudius all these years. While playing dice with a group of friends, Augustus has a sudden attack of severe stomach pain. He refuses to eat anything but the figs he has picked from the tree himself. The doctor briefs Livia and she fondles a fig in a mysterious, bemused way. Augustus finally slips into death as Livia, in the background, explains her rationale. Tiberius arrives at the last and she goes to brief the deputation from the Senate. "Don't touch the figs.", she tells him. Livia's agents, including the infamous Sejanus, are dispatched to do in Postumus and witnesses to Augustus' late change of heart. Tiberius is at last acclaimed by the Senate as the new Caesar.
Some Justice
As the elderly Claudius visits the lavatory, he recalls the reign of Tiberius. He was bitter and corrupted by power, kept in check only by Germanicus. Until . . . Germanicus has been poisoned. His ashes are carried through the streets of Rome. His family and the people of Rome are devastated and Agrippina incites the crowd against Livia and Tiberius. This worries the Emperor but Sejanus reassures him that his power is secure. Livia warns him that Agrippina and her friends want to try Piso and Plancina on charges of murder and treason for the death of Germanicus. She wants them cleared but Tiberius just wants to hush the matter up. Agrippina, Herod, Castor and Claudius discuss their strategy for obtaining justice. Agrippina tells an elaborate tale of how Germanicus was haunted by witchcraft and eventually poisoned by Plancina, the wife of Piso, his lieutenant. Strange events afflicted their house in Antioch, including the loss of his green charm. They are interrupted by the arrival of Caligula, Germanicus' son, who is having strange dreams. Agrippina relates that the Syrians made a great fuss over him. Agrippina's allies have Martina, a poisoner, as a witness against Piso. Claudius suggests trying the case in the Senate, to avoid corruption. Piso and Plancina meet with Tiberius. Piso is defiant but Tiberius is distant, which concerns the pair, who are counting on his support for their murder of Germanicus. After Tiberius steps out, Piso shows Plancina letters from the Emperor supporting his actions. The trial begins. Castor conducts the prosecution. He alleges that Piso killed Germanicus and led the troops in rebellion against the new governor. Antonia finds Caligula and his sister Drusilla naked together. Claudius tries talking to Caligula, which prompts his mother to wish that he had died instead of Germanicus. They are interrupted by Herod reporting that Martina has disappeared. Piso defends himself, saying that he was bitter about his improper removal as governor and tried to reinstate himself after Germanicus' death. The Senate are skeptical but Piso says "I had my instructions" and lays down several sealed letters on the table. The Senate asks him to read them out but he can't break the Imperial seal. They ask Tiberius to allow them to be read but he refuses. A confident Piso returns home. Plancina is worried that they've angered Tiberius but Piso defends himself, saying they shouldn't even be on trial. They fight over who decided to kill Germanicus. Sejanus arrives and tells them that since the letters are state papers, he will take them to the archives. A nervous Piso turns them over. Sejanus advises Tiberius to abandon Piso to the crowd to protect himself. He tells him the Romans are praising Agrippina above all. Tiberius tells Sejanus to find Martina so that they can convict the pair. However, Martina is with Livia. They discusses poisoning and Martina details the murder of Germanicus on Plancina's orders. She tells Livia that Caligula helped her with the withcraft. The young boy thought he was a god and wanted to prove this by frightening his own father to death. Piso's attorney, in the absence of Martina, moves to dismiss the case. When Tiberius refuses, Plancina demands a separate trial. Piso is furious but she says they've been abandoned. She urges him to kill himself to save the family. But he tells her to go to Livia and tell her that he has unsealed letters from her he will reveal if he's not acquitted. Livia confronts Tiberius but he refuses to acquit the pair. If the letters are revealed, he'll claim Livia is senile. She then tells Plancina that unless she can get Piso to kill himself, she'll produce Martina as a witness. Plancina offers to die with Piso, not telling him about Martina. He starts but decides to call Tiberius' bluff, which provokes Plancina to stab him to death and take the letters back to Livia. Agrippina and her allies lament that with Piso's death, their efforts to unseat Tiberius are done. Agrippina worries about her sons. Shortly after, they have to flee - Caligula has set fire to the house. The Emperor Claudius wakes up and finds his candle has ignited his robe. He pats out the fire and goes back to writing his history.
Queen of Heaven
The episode begins at a dinner party thrown by Lollia and her husband. Lollia recounts her daughter being called to the palace by Tiberius; she went along, and interceded on the daughter's behalf with Tiberius made obscene suggestions. Lollia stood in for her daughter. Lollia says all this to her assembled guests, and then kills herself because she can't tolerate the memory of her degradation. Tiberius and his mother Livia are at odds; Tiberius is eagerly awaiting her death, and has a horoscope drawn up in an attempt to find out when she will die. Meanwhile, Tiberius is becoming more and more dependent upon his captain of the guard, Sejanus, who is having and affair with Livilla, Tiberius' daughter. The two are plotting to kill Castor, and eventually poison him. Livia has a birthday party to which she invites Caligula and Claudius. Both are prophesied to be emperors, she tells them, and both must promise to do what they can to make her a goddess. Claudius exacts as the price of his promise 'the truth', and Livia tells Claudius all of her murderous plots. She did it to preserve the empire from civil war, she rationalises. Because of her crimes, she would languish in hell, but as a goddess, she would be exempt. Claudius laughingly says that if he can be emperor, she can certainly be the Queen of Heaven. Sejanus and Livilla poison Castor, and in another move to consolidate power, Sejanus convinces Claudius to divorce his wife and marry Sejanus' sister. Claudius' mother Antonia is shocked and outraged at this move. In the final scene, while Livia lay dying, both Caligula and Claudius visit her privately. Caligula repudiates his promise, but Claudius reaffirms his word, and Livia, the mother of the nation, dies.
Reign of Terror
With Livia dead, Tiberius retires to Capri, leaving Sejanus in charge. Sejanus leaves his wife for Livilla. Apicata, Sejanus' estranged wife, comes to Antonia and asks her to appeal to Tiberus for her children. When Antonia refuses, she reveals that Castor was poisoned by Livilla and threatens to tell this to Tiberius, even it means killing herself. Antonia doesn't believe her but finds out from Claudius about Livilla's past with Postumus. She then talks to Livilla, asking about Sejanus' children and opposing any marriage between them. Tiberius tells Sejanus he can't let him marry Livilla for political reasons. He suggests marrying her daughter Helen. Aggripina, soon to be exiled for treason, is brought to him. She's defiant, predicting Sejanus will take over. He flogs her. Sejanus returns to Rome. He tells Livilla about the Emperor's decision that he should marry her daughter. This infuriates Livilla. Sejanus tries to reconcile her to it, telling her he's managed to kill or exile almost all of Tiberius' heirs. Eventually, Tiberius will have no choice but to leave the Empire to him. Sejanus next gets the Senate to arrest Drusus - one of Aggripina's remaining sons. Only Silius Gallus defies him. Drusus is thrown into a dungeon to starve to death. Claudius meets Caligula in the street, who seems unmoved by his brother's arrest. He's not concerned about his own fate as Tiberius has invited him to join the debauchery in Capri. Claudius is visited by his new wife, Alia. She's dismissive of him; she's come to see Livilla on behalf of Sejanus. Antonia is increasingly displeased with the situation now that Sejanus is courting Helen -- who is growing very ill. Livilla gives a secret letter to Alia for Sejanus. Claudius picks up a copy of his history of Carthage. Gallus meets him and they talk history before Gallus is arrested, brought before Sejanus and beaten to confess to treason. Antonia goes through the rubbish and discovers drafts of Livilla's letter to Sejanus in which she reminds him that they murdered Castor and implores him to overthrow Tiberius so they can be together. Antonia realizes Livilla is poisoning Helen. She persuades Claudius to hide the letters in his history and bring them to Tiberius. Tiberius and Caligula hit on the idea of using Macro, Sejanus' lieutenant, to overthrow him. Tiberius names Caligula his successor and they draw up a list of enemies. Sejanus is brought before the Senate on the pretext of being named Protector of the City. But he is denounced. A bloodbath results. Sejanus and most of his followers are killed. His children are murdered (his daughter raped first), Apicata kills herself and Antonia locks Livilla in her room until she starves to death. Claudius is allowed to divorce Alia.
Zeus, by Jove
Claudius opens his next chapter imploring his audience to believe what he will tell them next, no matter how strange. Tiberius spends the last five years of his life at Capri, finally having a stroke. Caligula declares himself Emperor but Tiberius wakes up. Macros smothers him. The Senate embraces Caligula as a "son of Germanicus." Herod returns to Rome to see Antonia. They are hopeful of Caligula's reign. Caligula's first acts are to destroy Sejanus' police records, declare a festival and rename September after his father. He gets a headache and is tended to by his sister Drusilla. He becomes unstable, screaming at Gamellus about his cough and flying into a rage over the state of the treasury. He tells a dramatic storying about trying to kill Tiberius. He claims he was stopped by the divine voice of Augustus. At the climax of the story, he collapses, screaming in pain. In the middle of the night, Drusilla comes to Claudius in hysterics, telling him that Caligula has awoken. Caligula tells Claudius that he's become a god and Drusilla is one as well. He reveals that he killed Germanicus and has slept with his sisters. He seems concerned with the story of Zeus sleeping with his sister Metis and cutting the fetus from her body, giving rise to Athena. Claudius plays along thinking the Senate will declare Caligula mad and restore the Republic. But when Macro tells the Senate about Caligula's metamorphosis, they play along, hoping to curry favor with the Emperor. When Caligula hears that Lentellus offered his life in place of Caligula's, he makes the Senator kill himself. Antonia is outraged that noone has the courage to "strike him down like a dog". She also condemns Drusilla for sleeping with her brother, but Claudius defends her, pointing out everyone's scared of Caligula and his guards. Caligula and Drusilla go to the Temple of Jove. They defy the statues and Drusilla reveals that she is pregnant with Caligula's child. The status of Nero's brothers are late for the ceremony and Claudius nervously reports this to Caligula. Caligula is obssessed with Gamellus' cough, claiming he can hear it across the palace. He tells Claudius he wants all the statues of the gods to have their heads replaced with his and Drusilla's. He appears nervous about Drusilla's pregnancy. When Claudius tells him about his brothers' statues, he flies into a rage and is about to kill Claudius. But he is stopped by Macro returning with the severed head of Gamellus - his cough cured. Antonia tells Claudius she intends to kill herself. She can't deal any more with the corruption of Rome and her own family. Claudius is devestated, imploring her to wait until Caligula falls. But she's convinced Rome is beyond redemption. She dies in Antium, calling out to Drusus. Claudius returns to Rome and confronts Drusilla about not attending Antonia's funeral. She's defiant, telling him that now Caligula is afraid of her. She strolls through the palace before finding him. He is dressed up like Zeus and has made their room like Olympus. He ties her to the bed and takes a knife to her belly, telling her that, like Zeus, he must draw the infant from her belly and swallow it whole. Her screams bring Claudius, who is horrified to find Caligula with blood on his lips.
Hail Who?
Claudius is now living in a small house in the poor quarter with Calpurnia, a prostitute. He receives a friendly letter from Herod with a pair of crooked dice to help his fortunes. Briseis tells them Caligula is advertising a brothel in the palace - staffed by Senators' wives and Caligula's relatives. Claudius will collect the money. Claudius leads people into a room filled with drunken half-naked people dancing and engaging in all manner of sexual acts. Gaius Sabinus begs Claudius to let his wife out of it because she's recently given birth. Claudius won't at first but then goes in, pulls the men off her and throws her out. Caligula's new wife - Caesonia - thanks him, telling him Caligula needs good people around him. Claudius runs in to break up a disturbance and Caligula arrives, laughing at the scene. He dubs Claudius "Vulcan" after the lame god, quoting Homer. Claudius humors him, quoting it back. Caligula laments the degradation he sees and tells Cassius Chaerea he will one day clean out Rome. But for now he has decided to go to war with Germany. Claudius visits Caesonia to see Caligula's baby. He is going to Germany to see Caligula, who has killed a bunch of soldiers for an imaginary conspiracy. Caligula is planning to auction off valuables to support his Empire and is traveling by road since he is at war with Neptune. Caesonia wonders why Caligula has married her and Claudius says it’s because she's the only person who really loves him. Caesonia breaks down and tells Claudius that Caligula is more scared than any of them. On the Rhine, Caligula greets Claudius and two other Senate representatives - Asprenas and Marcus Vinicius. When Caligula realizes they have traveled by boat, he flies into a rage and has Claudius tossed into the river. He is about to kill the other two but the return of a mud-soaked Claudius amuses him enough to spare them. He invites Claudius to his room after giving Cassius the watchword, "Give us a kiss!" Cassius laments to the other two that it's only a matter of time until Caligula kills them all. Caligula tells Claudius he hardly sleeps and has terrible headaches. He wonders if he's going mad but Claudius tells him it's just the strain of mortal guise. Caligula tells Claudius that he's the Messiah the Jews have been praying for. He wonders about the prophesy that the Messiah will die hated and Claudius reassures him that won't happen. He returns to Rome, claiming victory in war. He castigates the Senate for not throwing an elaborate triumph despite his orders against it. He shows them his spoils of war - seashells collected from Neptune. He threatens to execute the Senators but Caesonia and Claudius talk him out of it. Marcus upsets Caligula and Cassius tries to conspire with him. Claudius is woken in the middle of the night and dragged to the palace with Asprenas and Marcus. They sit terrified in the dark for hours before Caligula appears dressed as a woman and performs a bizarre musical play. They enthusiastically applaud. Caligula decides to marry Claudius to the beautiful young actress from his play as a joke. He gives Cassius the watchword "Bottoms Up!" before leaving, roaring with laughter. Asprenas and Marcus then give Cassius another watchword -- "Liberty! The actress, Messalina, tells Claudius that she would feel safe with him as her husband. Her manner touches Claudius and make him fall in love for the first time in his life. He is married to her the next day with Incitatus - a horse Caligula has named Senator - in attendance. Cassius, Gaius, Marcus and Asprenas conspire to kill Caligula. They agree they can't wait for Caligula to kill them first and plan to lure him into a covered way and isolate him from his guards. Cassius will do the killing - he just needs their help. At the games, Caligula is angry that he is losing at dice. Claudius gives him Herod's dice, which win and amuse the Emperor. Marcus nervously tries to get Caligula to go get something to eat, but he refuses. Marcus then excuses himself and goes to Cassius, who is ready to rush in and kill Caligula right there in the box. Marcus tells Caligula some actors have arrived to perform for him. When he reaches the tunnel, Cassius bars the door, cries out "The watchword, Butcher, is ‘Liberty’!" and stabs Caligula. The other conspirators finish him off and then flee from the German guards. Cassius goes to Caligula's rooms and kills Caesonia and her baby. Claudius hides in terror as he hears the Praetorian Guards come in to loot the palace. They find him and are about to kill him when their commander realizes he is a Claudian. Over his protests, they name him Emperor. When Cassius arrives to kill Claudius, he is being carted around on the guards' shoulders, who are shouting, "Long live the Emperor!"
Fool's Luck
Appius Silanus addresses the Senate, calling on them to restore the Republic. But a messenger runs in and relates that the guards have made Claudius Emperor, provoking gales of laughter. Soldiers talk to Claudius, who is reluctant to be Emperor. Herod pursuades him to accept the nomination, pointing out that if he resigns, his family will be killed and a Civil War will erupt. Herod arranges a meeting with key Senators in the Palace. The Senators think that Claudius is not fit to be Emperor but he points out that 4000 Praetorian Guards think he is. He tells them that he has been in the Imperial Family and managed to survive the bloodbaths of the past. The Senate seem somewhat placated by his speech. He has the conspirators brought in. Cassius is defiant but Claudius points out he killed Caligula more for the insults he bore than for the Republic. When Cassius admits he intended to kill the entire Imperial family, Claudius has him executed but spares the other conspirators. A year later, Messallna has her first child. She is actively involved in Claudius' government and wants to be "Livia to your Augustus". She tells her mother she won't have any more children. She suggests that her mother remarry to Appius Silanus. Claudius tells Herod he has made Livia a godess and that Messalina is pregnant again. Herod is leaving for Judea, which distresses Claudius as Herod has been his best advisor. Messalina suggests Appius Silanus to replace Herod and Claudius agrees even though Silanus spoke against him. After she leaves, Claudius tells Herod he intends to write a history of his family. He owes it to his dead friends to tell the truth. He tells Herod he has only trusted three people - Postumus, Germanicus and him. Herod advises Claudius to "trust no one". Messalina has another child the next year while Claudius talks to his staff about building a new winter harbor in Ostia. After he leaves, Pallus tells Narcissus they'll make the harbor seem more expensive to make sure their investments in corn do well. Messalina asks Claudius if she can have a room of her own so she can avoid a third pregnancy. Claudius reluctantly agrees. Claudius meets with a Greek physician who advises him to live a better lifestyle to maintain his health. Messalina brings Silanus to her room. She tells him she's always been in love with him and brought him back to be with her. She tells him that Claudius has put her away so that he can practice his perverted pleasures on other women. Silanus refuses to bed her and she slaps and threatens him. But he remains defiant. Claudius compares the plans for the winter harbor to plans of Julius Caesar's and accuses the engineers of taking bribes to inflate the costs. As he bends over the plans, Silanus attacks him. Silanus is stopped and Claudius demands an explanation. When Silanus tells the Emperor what Messalina said, the Emperor summons her. Messalina threatens her mother to support her story that Silanus was in love with her and threatened to kill Claudius to get her. Claudius believes her and orders Silanus executed over Messalina's objections.
A God in Colchester
Messalina is in bed with a Greek actor, Mnester. His back is badly scratched by her finger-nails and he is not too pleased. They bicker. He tells her she is bored and suggests that they organise a Tournament of Sex. It just so happens that he knows a Sicilian prostitute, Scylla, who would make a good opponent. Messalina agrees. Claudius’s freedmen, Pallas and Narcissus, have received news from Britain. Claudius has been victorious and the commander of the Britons, Caracticus is in flight. Roman casualties are “insignificant”. They talk over an old dilemma: what to do about Messalina and how to tell Claudius of her activities. The Tournament of Sex has been arranged. Mnester is master of ceremonies. Messalina and Scylla meet and the prostitute demands payment because she’s a professional. A fee of three gold pieces a head is agreed. A soldier, Quintus Justus, comes to Pallas, demanding action over the contest that is going on at the New Palace. Pallas must write to the Emperor at once. Pallas tells Justus that his commander, Rufius, is a close friend to Messalina and that anything Justus has told him will have been passed on to Messalina. This effectively means that Justus is a dead man. Justus appeals for help but receives no sympathy from Pallas, an arch survivor. Meanwhile, back at the sex contest Messalina has won hands down and her exhausted opponent limps away humiliated, the jeers of the on-lookers ringing in her ears. All she can do is yell “Amateurs!” at them as she goes. Claudius returns from Britain and goes to the Senate to announce that Britain has been re-established as a Roman province after 108 years. He is awarded a Triumph. The Governor of Syria, Marsus Vibius, has come to Rome to report to Claudius that his old friend Herod has been fortifying Jerusalem and meeting neighbouring kings. The suspicion is that he is fomenting rebellion. Herod’s uncle Antipas has written to Claudius reporting that Herod thinks he’s the Messiah. Vibius is doubtful but will make further enquiries. Messalina enters and puts Claudius in a good mood by promising to visit his room that night. But she then complains about Mnester’s insolence to her and we soon realise she’s up to something. She gets Claudius to tell Mnester that he must do whatever she instructs him to do. Claudius, writing his memoirs in the present, soon enlightens us as to her motive. She had fallen in love with the consul-elect Gaius Silius and intended to use Mnester as a go-between. But he had refused, out of respect for Silius’s wife, so Messalina had to gradually seduce Silius without any aid. Vibius has further news (via his agent Catullus) for Claudius, concerning Herod. He briefs the Emperor on the history of the Messiah and mentions his place of birth. Claudius knows that Herod was born in Bethlehem. He now has his proof that Herod is in rebellion. Messalina’s mother Domitia finds her daughter removing a valuable bust from the wall. Messalina intends giving it to Silius. Her mother remonstrates with her as the bust was a gift from Claudius and there could be repercussions. Messalina ignores her and announces that Silius is divorcing his wife. Vibius has learnt that Herod is dead and relates the circumstances of his death five days after a seizure in an amphitheatre at the moment he was about reveal himself as the Messiah. Vibius gives Claudius a letter written by the dying Herod begging for forgiveness and reiterating his advice to trust no-one. Silius tries to convince Messalina to divorce Claudius because he is scared that their affair will be discovered. Messalina and Silius agree to marry on the following day when Claudius will be inspecting the new harbour works at Ostia. Narcissus and Pallas are scandalised at the news of the impending marriage and scared for their own future. They realise that matters have gone too far and that Claudius will have to be told. But how? Their solution is to send Calpurnia to Ostia with the dreadful story. She falls at Claudius’s feet in tears. When the news is broken, Narcissus and Pallas creep in and add corroborating detail. They urge him to act at once and stiffen his resolve. He orders arrests. Messalina, accompanied her children and Domitia, attempts to see Claudius but is refused entry by Narcissus. He abuses her and has her dragged off to her home by soldiers while her mother stands by, stricken. Pallas and Narcissus know that Messalina must die before Claudius has a chance to soften towards her. While he is drunkenly lamenting her infidelity, they give him documents to sign. Hidden amongst them is her death warrant. Soldiers are sent to Messalina with the warrant and brusquely tell her she is to die. The freedmen have given her the option of killing herself (so as to be able to quietly destroy the warrant and deny its existence). But Messalina cannot bear to stab herself, despite her mother’s urging. The soldiers impatiently seize her and behead her as she screams at them. Pallas and Narcissus announce Messalina’s death and quickly pass on to news that Claudius has been made a God in Britain. He does not react to anything they say. They leave and Claudius sobs silently.
Old King Log
In the present, Agrippinilla and her son Nero gloat over the death of Claudius. He is childishly delighted at the thought of being Emperor, but Agrippinilla is only interested in finding the will. They search his study and find the last part of his family history. This leads us into the flash-back. Pallas and Narcissus try to persuade Claudius to marry again, each suggesting a candidate. But they end up quarrelling furiously, with Pallas telling Narcissus their friendship is at an end. Having ignored their argument, Claudius simply says “Let all the poisons that lurk in the mud hatch out” and agrees to marry his niece Agrippinilla. Pallas and Agrippinilla have become lovers, bonded by passion and ambition. This is why he has recommended her to Claudius. Pallas tells Agrippinilla that he has succeeded on her behalf and cannot believe how easy it was. Now he demands his reward from her and she eventually grants his wish. She can just fit him in before seeing Claudius. Agrippinilla goes to Claudius to find out more about the proposed marriage. She pretends to be overjoyed at the prospect and promises him love, sexual delight and even children. He is not fooled and bluntly states he wants her for her mind, not her body. She immediately changes tack and coldly gets down to business. If given power she intends to use it. That is acceptable to Claudius and the deal is struck. Pallas and Agrippinilla cannot work out why everything has gone so smoothly. Pallas hints that Claudius should be killed but Agrippinilla insists on keeping him alive until Nero comes of age. At dinner, Agrippinilla baits Claudius’s 14-year-old son Britannicus over his continually calling her son Domitius instead of his new adopted name Nero. She demands an apology. Britannicus, who detests Nero, pettishly refuses. When his father backs up his wife, he storms out. Nero, pretending to be concerned. goes after him, accompanied by the boy’s sister, Octavia. Agrippinilla begins to raise a couple of topics with Claudius but is enraged when he agrees before she can even finish – yes, he will allow Nero and Octavia to marry and yes, he will adopt Nero formally as joint heir with Britannicus. On hearing this, Narcissus protests vehemently to Claudius. To calm him, Claudius shows him the scroll of rejected Sybilline prophecies given him by Livia and explains how much has come true. Claudius plans to cheat Fate by the restoration of the Republic and intends that Britannicus will do this. Pallas and Agrippinilla are still baffled by Claudius’s actions. Agrippinilla fears she is being set up for a fall as was Sejanus. To pre-empt this, they must kill Claudius now and they discuss how to do it. Nero comes whining about his wife Octavia’s refusal to let him into her bedroom. He does not like Pallas and is jealous that he is Agrippinilla’s lover. She pets him and allows him to commit incest with her as a means of controlling him. Claudius speaks to the Senate and announces that it will be his last visit as he is now too old and unwell. He says that he never wanted to be Emperor and drops some mysterious hints about his writings. In mid-conversation he drifts into a reverie and remembers his relatives. Britannicus is brought to a secret meeting with Claudius. The boy goes over his resentments and tells Claudius he will never forgive him for the death of his mother, Messalina. Claudius embraces him and tells he loves him, no matter what. He has a plan to save his son by sending him to hide in Britain until such time as Nero destroys the Empire and Britannicus can return to restore the Republic. Britannicus will have none of it. He is going to put on his “manly gown” and assume adult responsibilities. He wants to take on the cowardly Nero and does not believe in the Republic, regarding it as outdated.. Claudius realises he can do nothing and consoles himself that perhaps the prophecies can be confounded. In the present, Nero and Agrippinilla read the end of his history and then she tears up the last page they were reading. They find the rest of it and burn it. Nero is altogether too interested in the flames. They look for the will. Claudius lies dead in his bed. Narcissus explains to Britannicus that despite all his best efforts, the Emperor was murdered. Agrippinilla poisoned her own food and offered it to him. Narcissus believes that Claudius knew what was happening and wanted to die. The final scene uses an apparition of the Sibyl in conversation with the dead Claudius as a device to relate future events. Nero will kill Britannicus, Agrippinilla will kill Narcissus, Nero will kill Agrippinilla. There will be no Republic, but most of the emperors to come will be acceptable rulers. Claudius’s book has been burnt but he has made a copy and buried it, so future generations will know his true story.