Podnapisi.NET - association
Podnapisi.NET are now operated within the framework of the podnapisi.net association.
If you wish to donate, you can do so by transferring funds to the accounts listed below:
TRR: SI56 6100 0002 8937 193
BTC: bc1q2ax0nzz7dagls4n0llsgghkw7t8y75jet6wgvy
ETH: 0xE9ec8301c9e5C61788dc180Dc6896BF9A70a9632
Instructions on how to become a member of the association will be posted on the forum.
Read more on forum.
Titus (2000)
| Language | M/E/J | Rating | Uploaded |
|---|
Sex With Pudding
Suspicious that his girlfriend Erin is having an affair, Titus--backed by pal Tommy and brother Dave--pay her a surprise visit at work. Not only is she surprised, she's amazed they got past security. Last time they were in there was a fire and Dave stole office supplies. After she's called into a meeting, they ransack her office and discover incriminating evidence. There are personal emails inviting her to dinner at "the usual spot" signed "Pudding." They also discover some fancy lingerie with a card reading, "Hi sexy. Saw these and thought of you." Titus confronts Erin, but she tells Titus it's worse than an affair and asks him not to get involved. Tommy finally lets it out that Erin's being sexually harassed. Before she can say who it is, Titus interrupts her office with a bold threat to the culprit and a challenge for him to come clean. After a few guys step forward and apologize for their lascivious behavior, Pudding is revealed. Turns out he is a she...Erin's female boss.
Dad Is Dead
Dave and Titus panic when they realize their dad, Ken, hasn't come out of the bedroom in four days, not even to get a beer. They dare each other to go into the bedroom and make sure...but neither one wants to discover the body. Soon Erin arrives--just a little peeved that she took the message "Dad's dead" to mean her own dad. As a result, she rushed to her parents' house, only to catch them having sex! Erin's stunned to hear that Ken's dead, but she's also too chicken to actually investigate. Meanwhile, Titus and Dave reflect on their old man's parenting skills, or lack thereof. Ken never missed a beer or a babe, but he also never missed a little league game or a school function. Erin remembers that Ken recently gave her his will. Could it have been a planned suicide? Terminal illness? They obsess over the possibilities until Tommy arrives. He's visibly shaken and equipped with comfort food. The foursome eat their cake and reminisce. Titus and Dave even role-play, poking fun at Ken's gruff nature. They all have a big laugh until Ken strolls out in his bathroom, pops open a beer and tells them all to keep it down--he's trying to sleep.
Dave Moves Out
Titus explains that screwed-up people need translators to communicate with the "normal" people, because expressions of dysfunctional love come in odd forms. Case in point: Ken has Dave thrown in jail for grand theft because he took the VCR. Ken didn't know Dave was moving out until all of his son's stuff was gone. So, Titus explains, by having Dave arrested, Ken was just saying how empty the house would feel without him. At the police station, Ken discovers that it was Titus who told Dave to secretly move. Titus is proud of his achievement and admits to packing up the truck with Dave's stuff--and Ken's VCR. As an expression of pride in his eldest son, Ken has Titus arrested as an accomplice! Finally, Erin arrives and gets Ken to drop all charges. Then she realizes that with Dave out of the house, Ken will have more time to spend with her and Titus. Titus tries to snowball Dave with a story about how their dad is dying and needs company. Not until Titus promises Dave a new DVD player and television, does Dave agree to move back in. Unfortunately, the cops find a bag of pot in the VCR, which lands Dave right back behind bars!
The Breakup
Relationships are the theme for this latest chapter in Christopher Titus' unpredictable world. His philosophy: "I don't deserve happiness, so how can I destroy it?" A small fight with live-in girlfriend Erin turns into a larger fight and ends when Titus storms out of the house. He drowns his sorrows at the local diner with a piece of pie...and a piece of the cute waitress, Tiffany! The next day, he returns back to Erin and they reconcile. Just as they're about to officially "make up," Tiffany calls and Erin explodes. In a desperate attempt to fix things, Titus tells Erin that the waitress looked like her, only younger. Bad move. Titus is saved by the bell when they receive another phone call, from Erin's ex-boyfriend Randy. Seems he and Erin were together the previous night. So, Titus and Erin both had breakup flings. Things should be even, but Titus won't let it go. They have another huge fight that escalates into insults, ugly truths and cruel comparisons between them and their parents. They finally agree that they are both pathetic cheaters and decide to break up for good. As they quietly contemplate this, Titus asks Erin to marry him--and she accepts.
Titus Integritous
Despite growing up with Ken the "dream stomper," Titus has realized his dream of building hotrods. Unfortunately, his latest client--a trendy Web designer--wants to add an oversized spoiler/wing to the top of his custom car. Even though the client is offering an insane amount of money, Titus refuses to do the addition because it will destroy the artistic integrity of his work. Titus argues with Dave and Tommy, who have been slaving over the car and want the money. But Titus refuses to sell out. When Titus gets accidentally pinned underneath the car, Tommy calls Ken to bring over a jack. While Ken takes Polaroids of his trapped son, he encourages Tommy and Dave to take advantage of the situation...and do the work on the car themselves. They do, and it's hideous. When the client arrives, it's Tommy who tells him they won't release the car. And it's Titus who gives in once he sees all the zeroes on the payment check!
Red Asphalt
Titus builds a custom car to give to his father on his birthday. Erin, Dave, Tommy and Titus drive the car up to Napa to meet Ken for dinner. On the way, Titus demonstrates the car's power (and his own machismo) by cutting off a passing vehicle. The car they cut off reacts by tailing them and eventually bumping the car. The road rage escalates until Erin finally convinces Titus to just pull over and put some space between them and the psycho. They pull over, inspect the dented fender and head back onto the highway. However, the psycho car has waited for them and is soon riding their bumper and flashing its headlights. Titus decides to pull over and confront the psycho like a mature adult (translation: kick his ass), but psycho guy pulls a gun! Titus, Tommy and Dave run back to the car and floor it. With the psycho in hot pursuit and bullets flying, Erin calls 9-1-1. The police finally stop the road rager and Titus finally gets everyone to Ken's dinner. But Ken, who is pissed that they're so late, doesn't believe a word of their crazy story.
Mom's Not Nuts
Titus' mom, a diagnosed manic-depressive schizophrenic, surprises Titus and Erin by showing up uninvited. Titus is immediately suspicious and tells Erin to follow the "drill" that they've practiced for just this occasion. After a little bonding with Titus' mom, Juanita, Erin thinks Titus is overreacting. Luckily, Tommy and Dave - who did follow the drill - have arrived as backup. It only takes a few moments, and some yummy home-cooked yams, to convince Tommy and Dave that Juanita is cured. Tommy is satisfied that her medication is powerful enough to control her violent outbursts. Titus can't believe how gullible everyone is! Finally, Ken arrives and seems to agree that Juanita will always be a psycho regardless of drug therapy. Then, he sees her and within minutes they're making out in the kitchen. After Titus and his mom have a heart-to-heart, everything seems to be okay. However, soon after a big dinner, the groggy group discovers that Juanita dumped her medicine into the gravy - so she could enact her plot to kill Ken!
Intervention
Christopher grows concerned when his father's lack of drinking turns the elder Titus into a mild-mannered, boring guy. In an effort to get his mean-spirited, mischievous dad back, Titus stages an intervention with Dave, Tommy and Erin's reluctant help. They surprise Ken at home and beg him to admit he has a "non-drinking problem." Nothing seems to work not even a visit from Ken's boss who tells him he's not as effective sober. Ken assures them that he can start drinking whenever he wants. Finally, Christopher hands him a beer and throws down the gauntlet, calling Ken a "wussy." Ken takes a drink and, as the alcohol fog rolls in, gets his fighting spirit back. As a special thank you to his concerned friends and family, Ken reveals their darkest secrets: Titus embezzled money from the company to invest in a car, and lost it when the car was smashed in a hit and run; Erin's worried Titus will snap just like his lunatic mother; and Dave is the one who hit Titus' car! The intervention quickly turns into a grudge match and Ken slips out during the mayhem. Finally, all is right with the world again....
Episode Eleven
Some people share a family talent, like cooking or singing. The Titus family talent is heart attacks. Ken has had three, so when he has another one and crashes his car, no one is too shocked. The shock comes later, when Tommy tells Christopher that his dad blames him. Long story short: Ken couldn't start his boat because Chris and Dave took the distributor cap; Ken got upset; hence the heart attack. Christopher refuses to take the blame and confronts his dad about the excessive alcohol and cigarette use that perhaps had more to do with his bad ticker. Suddenly, Ken's monitor flatlines! But Ken is fine: it was the guy in the other bed who died. Titus feels horrible and offers to give his dad his cherry '56 Chevy to make up for the car accident. Later, while talking to an officer about the accident, the cop offers photos taken when Ken ran the red light photos that clearly show him engaged in a sex act with a woman in the front seat! Titus, Dave and Erin enact their revenge by ordering up some painful tests for Ken, which require the shaving of the pelvic region. After the shave, Ken finally admits he faked the heart attack; but when Christopher yells at him, Ken suffers a real attack and almost dies.
Titus Is Dead
After Titus' practical joke (having Ken's testicles shaved) results in Ken having a heart attack, Ken declares his oldest son "dead." Titus tries everything to get back into his dad's good graces. He details Ken's car. He starts paying off Ken's bar tab. He even hires Ken a private nurse. Titus is so busy groveling, he doesn't notice how well Ken and the nurse, Kathy, have hit it off. Finally, Titus lets Erin work her magic on Ken and all is forgiven. However, the peace is short-lived when everyone learns that Ken and Kathy are sleeping together! Seems Kathy's bedside manner has wooed Ken into proposing, and the two announce their wedding plans!
The Test
Titus, Erin, Tommy and Dave donate blood to replenish the supply Ken used during his hospital stay. As part of the process, Nurse Kathy asks a routine question regarding unprotected sex. Both Titus and Erin are forced to admit that during their one-night "flings" neither of them used protection. After they fight over who was more stupid - Titus, who slept with a slutty waitress, or Erin, who believed her ex-boyfriend when he told her he'd been celibate - they agree to have AIDS tests. Erin passes but Titus is called to the doctor's office. He and Erin assume the worst as they wait for the doctor. Then Ken and Kathy pop in and say - "Gotcha!"
The Surprise Party
When Ken invites everyone over for a surprise party, the surprise is on them! He's actually gathered the troops to help Kathy move into the house. This creates instant friction between Titus and Erin, because Erin is so not a Kathy fan. Titus, however, wants to keep his dad happy, because that generally means he's not yelling at Titus. Things take an unexpected twist when Kathy locks Dave out and promptly informs him he's being evicted! Usually, Erin can work her magic on Ken and fix any situation. This time, however, Kathy steps in and Erin's left out. Dave, meanwhile, announces that he's going to live in the driveway.
What's Up, Hollywood?
In his ongoing effort to make up for Ken's heart attack, Titus customizes Ken's truck. He creates a tricked-out, super truck with impressive graphics and a hot-rod engine. Much to Titus' surprise, Ken loves it. Ken goes so far as to say, "good job." Obviously, Titus is completely paranoid over the positive attention. He wonders if maybe he repressed some happy childhood memories the way people repress negative ones. The spell is broken later that day when Erin, Titus and Dave are watching the news. They recognize the belligerent guy getting arrested for drunk driving as dear old dad! Ken goes missing for 24 hours, then shows up at the garage back to his old self. He blames Titus - and the "cop magnet" custom truck he built - for his arrest! When Kathy shows up demanding to know where Ken was all night, Titus fights the temptation to bust his dad and covers for him instead.
Locking Up Mom
What better way to spend Halloween than at your crazy mother's competency hearing? The doctors feel that Juanita can be released. However, Erin, Titus and Dave testify to keep Juanita locked up. But no matter what negative thing they say, Juanita manages to turn it into a positive. Then Ken arrives. His testimony is so harsh that Titus starts to feel sorry for his mom. Titus is torn between loyalty to his father and pity for his mother until he learns that Juanita reached out to him when she was first institutionalized. She wrote him several letters explaining her illness and apologizing for her absence from his childhood. Naturally, Ken never gave them to Christopher. Touched by his mom's efforts, and convinced that her medication is helping, Christopher has a change of heart and asks the doctors to release her.
The Perfect Thanksgiving
Erin is determined to have the perfect Thanksgiving so that when she announces her engagement to Titus, everything is, well, perfect. Unfortunately, their families are a nightmare and everything that could go wrong, does. All the relations get into an ugly brawl and the entire group ends up in the emergency room! Erin is distraught over her ruined holiday and her family's ever-present insanity. The only way to calm her down is to medicate her. Now that Erin is completely out of it, Titus decides to formally propose to her. Unfortunately, once he's on bended knee, he discovers that the engagement ring is missing! Titus figures out that Erin's brother, Michael, stole the ring. So Titus attacks him, forcing the cops to break up the fight. Titus finally gets the ring back, proposes to Erin and she says no. She is worried about subjecting Titus to her family's outrageous behavior. Titus points out that his own family is hardly "normal" and she finally agrees to marry him. The two families then share a "perfect" Thanksgiving eating cafeteria food on a gurney.
Tommy's Girlfriend
There's no one way to attract a mate, true. But there are definitely bad ways. Like Tommy crashing into his ex-girlfriend's car in a shopping center parking lot. Bad. Very bad. What's worse is that they haven't dated in over 10 years and they broke up on less-than-perfect terms. Two words: restraining order. Tommy leaves a note on the demolished car, but signs Titus' name, which brings his ex, Carol, straight to Titus' garage. Once she discovers Tommy on the premises, Carol freaks out and barricades herself in the office. Naturally, Titus calls Erin to bail him out - and she does. But when Carol threatens to call the cops, Erin winds up helping to detain her until she becomes more reasonable. Erin and Titus try to sell Carol on what a great guy Tommy really is. But it's a tough sell to the girl who took out a restraining order against him. Finally, Titus discovers that Carol never really broke up with Tommy, which has kept Tommy clinging to hope for all these years. So Carol launches into all the reasons why she never loved Tommy - which proves to be therapeutic for both of them.
The Reconcilliation
Titus has taken a big step in allowing Juanita back into his life by inviting her over for a "family" dinner. Everything is going well until Papa Titus shows up and is appalled that Titus has apparently chosen Juanita's affections over his. Determined to ruin the evening, Ken begins belittling Mama Titus about everything from her promiscuous nature to the time she tried to kill him with a kitchen knife. However, his plan backfires when he bonds with Juanita by reliving "the good old days" when they were completely out of control. Although Titus is upset about the joy his horrible childhood is clearly giving his parents, it sparks his desire to get them back together. Just then, Juanita's new boyfriend Bill shows up, igniting an already flammable situation. It turns out Bill was the psychologist treating Juanita at the mental institution. When Ken discovers this fact he goads Bill about sleeping with his patients. But Bill strikes back by punching Ken in the stomach. Titus asks Bill to leave, Juanita goes with him and Ken is pleased that Titus, in his eyes, has chosen him once again over Juanita. As for Titus, he finally realizes that there is no way his parents ever would or should get back together again.
Last Noelle
Titus celebrates Christmas by attending the funeral of his demented ex-girlfriend, Noelle, who just killed herself by ramming her car into a Baskin-Robbins. Hiding a painful secret about their relationship, Titus is unsure how he feels about Noelle's death. He also wove a wicked web of deception by never telling Erin about his ex and lying about going to the funeral. Unfortunately, Dave can't keep his mouth shut and shows up at the wake with Erin. She demands to know what the hell Titus is doing there and is deeply hurt that he never told her about this hidden relationship. Although Titus tries to pretend he barely knew Noelle, Erin eventually finds out that he lived with Noelle and dated her for almost two years. Erin blows up and demands to know the whole story, but Titus is reluctant to tell her because he is ashamed of the fact that Noelle used to physically abuse him. Titus finally realizes he has no choice and reveals the truth - that Erin is the one true love of his life and that Noelle was an abusive psycho he never liked. A greatly relieved Erin gently persuades Titus to take the opportunity to make his peace with Noelle and the night ends on a happy note for the both of them.
Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!
The team takes their best car to a show, hoping to win an award, make the cover of a custom-car magazine, and get the shop needed coverage. However, trouble is brewing when Christopher takes all of the credit for the work on the car, ignoring Tommy's and Dave's contributions. Erin is also unwilling to don a bikini to pose as a "car model." When his partners abandon him and take the car apart, Christopher has to eat crow to get back in their good graces. The team finally does get in the magazine...when his fight with Dave makes the cover.
When I Say Jump
Because Titus doesn't think he has enough excitement in his life, he decides to go base-jumping which means that Christopher, Tommy and Dave are basically jumping off a bridge 1500 feet high with a parachute, but without the permission of law enforcement officials. Erin reluctantly agrees to watch, but when the jumper in front of them goes, his chute fails to open and Erin forbids Titus from making the plunge. However, Christopher feels that with all the bad juju gone, it's the perfect time to jump and he and Dave dive off. When they get back to the bridge, Erin is suiting up to take her turn at cheating death. Titus freaks out and tells her it's too dangerous, but she jumps anyway, tangling her parachute on the bridge and leaving her hanging. Just then the cops arrive and Titus is left with the eternal question: To jump or not to jump? Well, it sure beats getting arrested!
Episode 27
Ken and Kat are taking the plunge, so they take their families out to dinner to celebrate. But being a blushing bride hasn't changed Kat's insufferably annoying nature. She spends the evening harassing Titus and bragging about what a great influence she's been on Ken. Fed up, Titus whips out a videotape documenting his dad's recent arrest for drunk driving just to prove that he hasn't changed a bit. Well, it did the trick 'cause Kat calls off the wedding and runs screaming into the night. Whew! Titus is thrilled but no good deed ever goes unpunished, and Titus gets his when he realizes that Ken is truly upset about losing his fiancée. Titus tries cheering him up by pointing out the "lotta fish in the ocean" theory, but realizing that Ken only wants Kat, Titus reluctantly agrees to go with Erin to bring her back. However, by the time they return with the catch of the day, Ken has already swum upstream and has hooked the bartender. Ken thanks Titus for stopping him from making the biggest mistake of his life, and Titus well, he's just glad that he had all that therapy.
The Smell of Success
The car shop goes under, and Ken Titus refuses to help out. Literally left with no other option, Christopher kicks out Erin, and turns to alcohol.
Deprogramming Erin
Ah, poor Titus. After pushing Erin away, our lovestruck hero decides he wants her back but is having problems convincing her it's a good idea. Erin has checked into heartbreak hotel and is losing interest in life and in Titus. So naturally, the next step is for Titus to kidnap his beloved and force her to take him back! Titus and Dave grab Erin, throw her into a sack and take her to Ken's house for the deprogramming. But Erin is one spunky gal, and despite Titus' best efforts, she keeps trying to escape. Eventually, Erin's dysfunctional family shows up trying to get their precious little girl back 'cause they love her sooooo much. Yeah, right! Erin's family threatens to pick a fight with the Titus clan unless they let Erin go. Forced to play peacemaker, Erin finally wakes up and realizes her kinfolk only want her back so that she can take care of them! She realizes what she really wants and yeah, it's Titus!
NASCAR
Erin thinks Titus needs to spend more time with Ken, so she tricks them into a father-son road trip - convincing them both that the other has bone cancer. Titus is delivering a stock car to North Carolina for a NASCAR event and Papa Titus winds up coming along for the ride. When Titus brings up the topic of bone cancer (code word: raisins), they realize they've been duped. After marveling at how clever - in an underhanded way - Erin is, they bond over how to enact revenge. They are quickly distracted, however, by a female hitchhiker that Ken insists on picking up. Now trapped with Sue and Ken in the big-rig, Titus is thinking bone cancer would be a fun alternative. When the truck runs out of gas, Titus decides to take the stock car for a gas run. Stock cars go really, really fast until they slam into a cactus, a cow and a rock! Dave, Erin and Tommy show up to fix the car, which soon turns into a fight between, well, everyone. But when Erin announces she might be pregnant, that shuts up even Ken. Erin's upset that Titus and Ken don't get along and thinks it will affect Titus' relationship with his own kids. To appease her, Titus and Ken fake a heartwarming conversation while Tommy fixes the car (and paints a giant Titus High Performance logo on it). Before long, they're all back on track.
Life Forward
David Hyde Pierce plays Jerry, a self-help guru who gets some help himself when the Titus clan invades his seminar. With his shop---and psyche---now barely afloat, Titus is tricked into attending the seminar by Tommy, who also thinks Erin could use an "adventure in personal growth." The commotion they cause gets Jerry's attention, and he puts Titus and Erin on-stage. Both experience a "breakthrough," with Titus calling his father Ken to forgive him. That doesn't sit well with the old man. Ken shows up at the seminar with a few choice words for his son, the audience and Jerry, who has his own breakthrough as he experiences the force within...Ken Titus.
Gift of the Car Guy
Titus' philosophy is that if you see something you want, don't let anything stop you. Including common sense. In a bold move, he sells Erin's car (without telling her) to buy a funny car for drag racing. Of course, he can't race it until he fixes it. And he can't fix it while Erin's trying to kill him. Titus offers to drive Erin to work, which makes her very uncomfortable. When Tommy arrives, he and Erin share an awkward moment that convinces Titus that they are hiding something. Sure enough, Erin confesses that her new job is cocktail waitressing at a strip club. And not only has Tommy run into her, but Papa Titus has as well. Titus is feeling sick over this new information, but not too sick to accept five grand from his dad in order to get Erin to quit. Ken wouldn't help when the business went under, but he'll pay anything not to be uncomfortable in a strip club! Titus asks Erin why she took such a humiliating job and she reluctantly admits it was because Titus can't provide for them anymore. Ouch. He tells her the funny car could help Titus High Performance regain its reputation. She's not convinced but understands that sometimes it takes a bold move to change things for the better.
Tommy's Girlfriend No. 2
When you're a screwed up person, you have a responsibility to keep your normal friends from getting walked on. And that's why Titus felt obligated to warn Tommy about his new girlfriend, Tiffany. Remember Tiffany? The hot blonde from the diner that Titus slept with a nanosecond after he and Erin broke up? Titus is convinced that she's only dating Tommy to get to Titus. Naturally, Erin and Tommy think that is preposterous. At a very awkward dinner set at the restaurant Tiffany now manages, Tommy, Titus, Erin, Ken, Dave and Dave's girlfriend try to enjoy the evening. However, as soon as the others are out of earshot, Tiffany hits on Titus. When no one believes him, Titus throws a scene and sends Tiffany storming off into the kitchen. He goes to apologize and catches Tiffany "cooking" with the chef. He races back and sends Tommy in to catch her in the act. All Tommy sees, however, is Tiffany crashing to the floor and lying motionless! While he goes to call 9-1-1, Titus gets Tiffany to admit to everyone else that she was having sex with the chef. When Tommy finds out, he says it's part of their arrangement. Tiffany's allowed to sleep with other guys, and Tommy's allowed to sleep with her. Ultimately, Titus convinces Tommy to dump the psycho cheater. Tiffany, now strapped to a backboard, is irate. She demands that the paramedics prop her up (like Hannibal Lecter) so she can shout insults and threats at the gang while being wheeled out of the restaurant.
Hard Ass
According to Christopher, all parents suck and all kids suck. When Erin's rebellious niece Amy comes to stay, Christopher proves his point. He tries to get out of "teensitting" by telling Erin: "I don't want a pre-screwed up kid. I want you and I to screw up a kid together." But 15-year-old Amy is inand she's got attitude, a stun gun, and a huge stash of pot. When Titus confiscates the pot, Amy zaps him and gets it back. Titus, Erin, Tommy and Dave try an intervention, but Amy clearly has the upperhand. Erin and Titus try their differing parenting approaches: Erin uses reasoning, Titus uses yelling. Neither is very successful. Amy sneaks out, but Ken catches her trying to hotwire Titus's car. Titus feels like their only choice is to call the cops, but Erin refuses to rat out a family memberuntil Titus talks her into it. Amy tries to flee, but by then Tommy has regained consciousness (don't ask) and zaps her with her own stun gun!
Private Dave
Depressed over what he thinks is a Dear John breakup letter from his girlfriend, Dave enlists in the U.S. Army. He's convinced the army life is waht he needs -- plus he figures he'll get to meet lots of Asian women. Then Dave learns his girlfriend's Dear John letter was really addressed to an old ex-boyfriend actually named John, and she doesn't want to break up with Dave after all. They get back together, but Dave is still enlisted. He begs Titus to help him get out of the commitment. Titus gets his own butt kicked while trying to convince the army recruiter that Dave is not military material.
Three Strikes
Titus muses on karma and gun ownership in a farce that finds Erin with a broken leg after she and Tommy have an encounter with a burglar. As they await the police and paramedics, Erin fights the pain with alcohol, while Titus recalls why they moved to this supposedly safer neighborhood. Titus is primed for vengeance when in walks the most likely culprit: Erin's lowlife brother Michael (Robert Paul Hawkins), "a born criminal," says Titus, who sees no downside to the fact that Michael's next conviction will send him away for life under California's "three strikes" law. For Erin's sake, Titus promises not to report him. Then Michael confesses anyway. Tommy and Erin surprise a burglar and give chase. Well, Erin chases, Tommy screams like a girl. The burglar runs off, but Erin falls and breaks her leg. Christopher arrives before the cops and soothes Erin's pain with booze. He also flashes back to the "Russian Neighbor Incident" - but that's another story. Erin's brother Michael randomly shows up (also before the cops) and Christopher immediately suspects him. Could be his criminal record. One more strike and he gets life in prison. Michael initially denies breaking in, but Christopher breaks him down. Erin begs for mercy about the time the cops arrive with Dave in tow. When Michael blames Dave, Titus refuses to let his brother take the fall. As soon as they cart Michael away, Tommy emerges from the kitchen -held a gunpoint by the real culprit. What's worse, is that it's Erin's gun that Titus didn't know about. Luckily, Dave and Titus manage to disarm the intruder and finally get Erin to the emergency room. (FOX)
The Pit
Christopher feels a little guilty about living his dad's dream. (The one about racing cars - not the one involving a harem.) But the guilt isn't enough to let Ken onto Team Titus without a full round of humiliation. Christopher relegates Ken to sweeping the pit and ignores all of his solid advice on how to win the upcoming drag race. Even Jay Leno, who is sponsoring a competitive team, thinks Ken has good strategies. Christopher wins the first heat and later realizes it was because Ken enriched the fuel. Leno is so impressed that he gets Ken to join his pit crew. With Ken's help, Leno's team winds up winning the next heat. For the final, Ken comes back and offers to help Christopher. Of course it turns into a huge fight, but Christopher finally realizes that he and his dad make a solid team. They adjust the car. The flag is dropped. Christopher smokes the competition and races passed the finish. And immediately bursts into a fireball of smoke and fire!.
The Pendulum
Conclusion. Christopher is in a coma following his disastrous crash at the drag races. Ken insists it's not his fault, that people always blame the parent when something bad happens to their kids. "So he crashed, he still got on TV." When Christopher is diagnosed as brain dead, Ken admits that no parent should have to see his child that way. Faced with the decision of whether or not to pull the plug, Ken turns to Tommy, Dave and Erin for support and advice. The guys discuss the options, but Ken insists that Titus would want to be unplugged. Ken and Tommy argue over Tommy being gay, Ken being a big drunk, and other irrelevant issues while Erin maintains a bedside vigil in Christopher's room. They finally break the news to Erin, who totally disagrees. She insists that he'll pull through and that they can't give up on him. Ultimately, they do pull the plugonly to have Titus breathe on his own!
The Wedding
What would a wedding be without family? Peaceful, say Erin and Titus in this second-season finale. While making plans with their priest, they decide to marry right then and there, thus averting what they see as definite disaster. A wise decision, but unfortunately undone by Tommy's big mouth. Nightmare by nightmare, people start showing up. Soon, the church "is full of people we love," says Erin. "How could this go so horribly wrong?" replies her fiancé. Most notable on the nonguest list: Titus' mom and her latest spouse , whom Titus catches in an act that puts a hitch in the hitching.
Racing in the Streets
Determined to win money for the shop, Chris takes to street racing despite the fact his left arm is still numb. Of course, he neglected to mentioned his plan to Erin, or the fact he's withdrawn her tuition funds as stake money. Things go awry when Erin finds out anyway, so the gang tries to convince her that Tommy has been driving. The rival driver is glad to increase the stakes as well as race for pink slips once he finds out that "T" will be racing. Erin's prodding reawakes Titus' memories of the crash, and he freaks out. Fortunately, Papa Titus is there to convince Erin that she's "wussified" his son. Once the rival driver calls her a b***h, she convinces Titus he should race. Thanks to a quick shirtless distraction by Erin, Christopher easily wins the race.
Amy's Birthday
Erin throws a surprise birthday party to cheer up her troubled niece Amy but her plans backfire. When Erin finds Amy's mom passed out drunk, she quickly realizes that her niece's home environment is not suitable and decides to do something about itmuch to Titus' dismay.
Tommy's Not Gay
Tommy has a big announcement. Titus and the gang are surprised to discover that it's not Tommy who's come out of the closet, but his father. When Tommy turns away from his father and refuses to accept him, it takes Ken, of all people, to convince him otherwise.
Shannon's Song
Christopher's attempts to re-open his shop get constantly upstaged by his stepsister Shannon. The apple of Ken's eye, Shannon is currently married to a Nobel prize winner and doing charity work in Africa. Shannon constantly manages to upstage Christopher, and the re-opening is no exception. Even Erin gets in on the act when Shannon upstages her in Papa Titus' affections too. Things escalate to the point where after Shannon announces she is pregnant, Titus and Erin announce they're having twins ("at least!"). They also pay Ken back his loan, even though it will leave them with $13.00. Then Shannon's husband leaves her at the news of the surprise pregnancy, and Ken actually turns against her, saying he's proud of Christopher. Christopher feels sorry for his sister and tells her they were lyingwhreupon she goes running to Ken with news of her brother's lie, and things are back to normal.
Grad School
Erin is off to her first assignment as a grad-school student, working as a interning social worker. She's sent to one of the worst neighborhoods in town, which makes Titus understandably leery. She soon finds herself in over her head and Titus (and Dave, and Tommy) are nearby spying on her, and quickly race to her assistance. Unfortunately, they're in over their heads too. Tommy is attacked by "gang birds," while Dave is tied up by one of the psycho kids after arguing who will be Alfred (of Batman fame). Worse, Titus gets locked in the kitchen by Erin after he gets in her way. To make matters worse, Tommy makes the most critical mistake of all: calling Papa Titus for assistance. He gets a good laugh but doesn't help much, which means its up to Erin to confess to the girl she's trying to help, Jill, that her father beat her too. Turns out Erin was lying to get Jill's sympathy, but Jill thoughtfully sets her briefcase on fire so they're even.
Houseboat
Trying to get Ken to appreciate Christmas, Titus rents a houseboat and decides to barricade everyone in and force Christmas down his throat. Except when they arrive at the boat, Ken and his friend Bob are passed out drunk. Dave takes Bob and places him on the dingy while the rest of the family convinces a sobering Ken that he's killed his friend due to his hatred of Christmas. Ken, thinking he's lost his best friend, finally realizes the meaning of Christmas and gets into the spirit by singing along and enjoying the Christmas cheer with the family. That is until Bob comes back to the boat. With their plan in ruins, the family fears for their lives waiting for Ken to enact his revenge. They decide to instead launch a preemptive strike and destroy Christmas themselves by tearing down the decorations and ruining the boat. When Ken sees this, he tells them how offended he his especially after they got him in the Christmas spirit. Apologies are quickly given out and Ken decides to stay. But while taking Bob back to shore, his revenge is suddenly realized: He's sinking the boat. Merry Christmas, wussy!
The Trial
Juanita was last seen having just fatally shot her abusive husband at Titus and Erin's ill-fated wedding. Now Juanita is on trial for murder, and ex-husband Ken can't wait to testify and put her away for good. Not so Titus. She is, after all, his mom, and when Titus takes the standfollowing some well-intentioned but highly incriminating remarks by Erin, Dave and Tommyhe emphasizes the positive things he's learned from her. What later transpires during the course of the trial, however, can in no way be construed as positive. When it seems that Titus' mother Juanita is headed to jail for murder, Christopher gives an impassioned speech explaining the reasons for her actions. To everyone's amazement, Juanita is acquittedbut then takes the judge hostage.Ken manages to trade himself for the judge as a hostage, and he and Juanita go out on a ledge. Juanita wants to die, and is prepared to kill herself. Titus goes out after them, and we find out that Juanita's suicide attempt is just a ruse to get him to hate her so that he'll move on with his life. Titus still loves his mom, even though he manages to fall off the ledge (into a air bag below - "Wussy!" Ken calls out cheerfully).
Grandma Titus
Phyllis Diller plays Grandma Titus, who still intimidates Ken despite her Alzheimer's, which has her trying to teach a high-school class.
Errrr
Suicidal over a broken romance with Charlie, Amy listens to Titus as he relates his own troubled romance with Erin during high school. As he describes how he mucked up her prom dress with his "hot" car, and how he almost killed himself (before Ken talked him out of it by calling him a wuss), Titus realizes that he's not making that great a case. He does seem to reach Amy, though, and she holds off long enough for Charlie to show up...which only causes new problems as Erin and Titus realize Charlie is a girl.
Tommy's Crush
A horrified Titus sees Tommy and his sister Shannon having sex. During the ensuing arguments, Shannon has a miscarriage, and Titus calls her husband Stefan in. Shannon is reluctant to reunite with her husband, until Papa Titus of all people advised her that "Marriage is sacred!" (it was his five wives who left him). Shannon decides to take Papa Titus' advice and goes off with husband Stefan, leaving a crushed Tommy who also has to deal with the fact that he had sex with the daughter of...Ken Titus.
Into Thin Air
While on a skiing holiday, Dave goes out of bounds after Titus and Erin tell him his girlfriend is cheating on him with a ski instructor. Titus follows to discover they are both trapped above a 400 foot cliff, but refuses to help Dave, arguing that he must become a man by saving himselfand Tommy, who plummets down to join them.
Too Damn Good
Ford hires Christopher to design cars for them, and the person in charge is a teenaged executive who is capable of laying Christopher and Dave out single-handedly. Problems ensue when Christopher can't come up with a single car design under pressure. Every time he comes up with something, all he hears is the voice of his father telling him it's garbage. Desperate because she's already bought a house for them, Erin has no choice but to bring in Papa Titus. Eventually Ken manages to convince Christopher that all of his insults and demeaning comments over the years have actually been encouragement and love, designed to motivate Christopher. Christopher manages to come through, make the designs, and get paid...only to have the credit stolen by him from the executive.
Bachelor Party
Erin encourages Titus to go with the guys when they take him to Las Vegas for a bachelor party involving strippersa decision she regrets as she ponders the situation and waits for Christopher to call her back. Meanwhile, Titus and the guys have stopped off at a diner and are helping a pregnant woman to deliver her baby, with Titus hoping to prove to his father he's a competent human being. He manages to do so and get Ken's grudging respect...and a boast about how great a father Ken must be to have raised such a son. To ladle on the irony even thicker, the mother names the child after Ken, not Christopher.
Hot Streak
Eager to show off his success at the car shop, Titus takes Ken on an all-expense paid trip to the Bahamas. All Ken wants to do is play blackjack, rather than bond with the "wussie". Erin convinces Titus to stick around, and Ken agrees when he finds out Erin is a good luck charm for him at the table. After sharing dirty jokes, drinks, and cigars, the two even start to bond. However, when Ken has a heart attack Titus is forced to choose between being a pal and being a son. Finally he tries to get Ken to the hospital. Papa Titus briefly dies, only to find that Heaven has turned off the lights for him. Christopher brings him back with mouth-to-mouth and CPR, earning himself a slug to the face. But things are back to normal.
The Session
Erin convinces Christopher and his family to participate in a group therapy session as part of her grad school coursework. But after Tommy is kicked out of the group due to his lack of family ties, he inadvertently discovers the group is being watched though a two-way mirror by Erin's classmates. As the session proceeds, and each family member loses his cool, exits, and hilariously winds up in the observation room to watch the action, Christopher and Erin are left on their own with nothing to do but explore their relationship. Just as Christopher is about to make a breakthrough and accept the tenets of therapy, he catches a quick glance of Ken (lighting up a cigarette) through the glass and realizes the scam. Armed with new information, Christopher proceeds to string Erin along psychologically before suddenly breaking the observation glass and exposing the tension-filled truththat he can't trust Erin either.
Same Courtesy
Titus plan an elaborate revenge on Erin after being embarassed in their therapy session. Faking the death of his Uncle Benny, he has the "deceased" Ben give Erin a miniature yacht-starter cannon. With a little prodding from Christopher, everyone soon wants it, and a battle begins which Titus hope to culminate in Erin going into a mud puddle. Sister Shannon shows up and almost ruins things, but Titus manages to out-maneuver her. Unfortunately, when a mud-soaked Erin finds out, she breaks into tears, runs into the house, and kills herself with the cannon. Fortunately, she just faked her suicide and her and Titus are (presumably) back on good terms.
After Mrs. Shafter
Titus and Tommy's friendship is put to the ultimate test when Ken begins dating Tommy's mom Fay. Titus assures Tommy that the relationship won't last-as is normal for Ken. However, everyone is shocked to learn that Ken considers Tommy's mother to be the true love of his life. The situation grows even more complicated when Tommy's estranged gay father Perry shows up to reconcile his marriage. At the end, the three of them decide to make a three-way of it: Perry will provide Fay with the caring and love while Ken will provide the great sex.
The Visit
It is impossible to summarize this episode without a MAJOR SPOILER. Titus and Erin's plans to formally adopt Amy are thrown for a loop when Titus' mother Juanita unexpectedly appears in the kitchen just before the social worker's final visit, her hands bloody, claiming that she has "killed again." Titus frantically hides her in a closet while summoning Ken, Dave, and Tommy with their secret Juanita emergency code. When they erupt into the house in search of "that killer bitch," Titus tries to pass the situation off as amateur dramatics. While everyone else is distracted, Juanita tries to apologize to Titus for messing up his life, but he hastily thrusts her into another closet. After the social worker gives her approval for Erin and Titus to take official custody of Amy, Titus tries to find Juanita but cannotand Erin gets a call from the hospital telling them that Juanita committed suicide four hours earlier....
Insanity Genetic (1)
On the flight back from his mother's funeral, Titus' outwardly indifferent demeanor slowly melts away as memories of her come flooding back when he is served a turkey dinner that reminds him of Juanita's annual Thanksgiving feast, the one thing she did right as a mother. When he reads an article in Erin's psychology journal on the possible genetic causes of schizophrenia, Titus becomes convinced that his vision of dead Juanita in the previous episode proves he is crazy just like his mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother. The Titus family soon has the entire plane in chaos as Erin tries to get Titus through his grief, Dave moves into the bathroom to sample beauty products, and Tommy becomes obsessed with a steward who omits "a la" from "Chicken a la King". Titus's griefstiken cries of "Turkey!" get them all arrested as terrorists as the plane makes an emergency landing. (Part 1 of 2)
Insanity Genetic (2)
(Part 2 of 2) Under arrest as a result of the ruckus on the plane, Erin, Dave, Ken and Tommy are separately questioned about their relationship with Titus. The FBI agent is under the impression that they are members of a terrorist cult, and everything they say in their own defense comes out wrong. Eventually, the family is forced to decide whether they will commit Titus in exchange for their freedom. They're willing to stand up for him for 20 years in jail...until they find out he'll only be committed for three months. Then it's off to the booby hatch for Christopher, where we leave him and the series. (Part 2 of 2)
The Protector
When Amy complains that a boy at school has been verbally harassing her, Titus gets out his "Perswader"a baseball batand confronts the kid in the school washroom, with Dave and Tommy as backup. Unfortunately Principal Wells is in the next stall and hauls Titus in. Erin explains that Amy and Brett were just playing around, and the boy's father Frank has been like a father to Amy. The principal finds drugs in Amy's locker, weakening Titus and Erin's faith in her. Eventually Amy confesses that Frank molested her as a child. Frank tries to bluster his way out but Amy proves her accusation by describing the rose tattoo on his penis. As always the Titus clan pulls together: rather than beat up the father with his "Perswader" (now labeled "Justise"), Christopher turns the bat over to Amy while Principal Wells agrees to look the other way.