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Monty Python's Flying Circus (1969)
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Whither Canada?
Hermit comes out of sea; credits; pig killed; It's W.A. Mozart, famous deaths with Ghengis Khan and others; pig killed; Italian language classes; pig killed; animation- pig swallowed by man; Whizzo butter and a dead crab comparison; It's the Arts- Sir Eddie-Baby Ross interviewed, Arthur `Two Sheds' Jackson interviewed, and live coverage of Picasso doing an abstract on a bicycle; animation- sit up! and other stuff; Ernest Scribbler writes the funniest joke in the world: Ian McNaughton The Killer Joke `Wenn ist das Nunstuck git und Slotermeyer? Ja!... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!'; Hermit; credits.
Sex and Violence
Hermit struggles to camera; opening credits with flowers; Part 2, Sheep farmer explains about Harold `that most dangerous of animals' a clever sheep; Frenchmen explain commercial possibilities of flying sheep; women on Frenchmen; animation- The Thinker; and now for something completely different- a man with three buttocks `Oh! Me bum!', a man with two noses; Arthur Ewing and his musical mice; marriage counselor sketch `Arthur Pewty today you're a man!'; coal miner visits his playwright father; a scotsman on a horse; animation- flying sheep; The Epilogue: a question of belief to be decided by two out of three falls; animation- a train and other twisted things from the mind of Terry Gilliam, a baby carriage that eats people, the kiss; Of Mice and Men: a investigative report on mouse clubs; Hermit; end credits.
How to Recognise Different Types of Trees From Quite a Long Way Away
Hermit comes out of trees; credits; Episode 12b: How to Recognize Different Types of Trees From Quite a Long Ways Away: No. 1: the Larch; Mr. Larch on trial for parking offense with Mrs. Fiona Lewis, the late Arthur Aldridge and Cardinal Richelieu as character witnesses, Dim of the Yard! in pursuit of a notorious Cardinal Richelieu impersonator, song- If I Were Not in the C.I.D., knight with rubber chicken; No. 1: the Larch; `Bicycle repairman, but how?!'; announcer goes crazy on commies, chicken knight; storytime about Rumpletweezer, Old Nick the Sea Captain and Rikki the Magic Pixie; animation- hippo and rabbits, vicar pounds man into ground; an announcer at the beach introduces: the Restaurant Sketch, announcer and chicken knight; animation- advertisement purchase a past; disappearing Milkman; BBC news announcer kidnapped while on air; No. 1 the Larch; schoolboys recognize trees, `Eric's written a sketch', `Say no more! Nudge! Nudge!'; Hermit; credits.
Owl-Stretching Time
Hermit thrown off cliff; credits; Episode Arthur Part 7 Teeth, live from Cardiffs Room Libya; Art Gallery sketch- `fancy a Turner?'; an art critic- `but it's my only line!'; back to Cardiff Rooms- `It's a Man's Life in the Cardiff Rooms Libya'; Colonel objects to stolen slogan; viking `this is my only line'; gentleman trying to change into swimsuit, striptease `It's a Man's Life Taking Your Clothes Off in Public'; Colonel objects again; How to defend yourself against a foe laden with Fresh Fruit `and pointed sticks. SHUT UP!'; animation- my last operation; aristocrat at beach; back at Cardiff Rooms;`'It's a Man's Life in England's Mountain Green'; Colonel is furious; The Bookshop Sketch featuring `Lemming, Arthur Lemming special investigator British Dental Association' and `The Big Cheese!' song- Lemming of the B.D.A.; Colonel shuts show down; Hermit; credits.
Man's Crisis of Identity in the Latter Half of the Twentieth Century
Hermit rowing boat; credits; Confuse A Cat Ltd.; animation- growing mustache; customs sketch; implications of law enforcement techniques of last sketch discussed by a duck, cat and a lizard; man in the street interviews about customs regulations, chicken knight; Police Constable Henry Thatcher's raid for substances of an illicit nature; letter of protest; letter of protest about letter of protest; housewife urges use of satire as a weapon, more man in the street interviews; newsreader wanted for jewel robberies, Match of the Day highlights missing so tonight's romantic movie highlight's shown instead; animation- Charles Atlas' Dynamo Tension Ad; management training course interview; career advisory board, burglar comes to sell encyclopedias; Hermit; credits.
The BBC Entry For the Zinc Stoat of Budapest
Hermit answers phone; credits; Next week: how to fling an otter; BBC expenses on captions; This Week, autograph seeker; animation- autograph It's the Arts profiles- Johann Gambleputtydevonausfernschpledenschlittcrasscrenbonfriedigger- dingledangledonglebursteinvonknackerthrasherapplebangerhorowitz- ticolensicgranderknottyspelltinklegrandlichgrumblemeyerspelter- wasserkurstlichhimbleeisenbahnwagengutenabendbitteeinnurnburger- bratwurstlegerspurtenmitzweimacheluberhundsfutgumberaberschonend- ankerkalbsfleischmittleraucher Von Hauptkopf of Ulm; animation the fig leaf and the hand; planning a jewel robbery; man in the street interview about robbers; The Whizzo quality assortment of chocolate `Crunchy Frog?!'; dull life of city stockbroker, animation- comic book adventure; Indian massacre at theater; policemen make wonderful friends, `for Mrs. Emma Hamilton of Nelson, a Scotsman on a horse'; animation- a man eating baby carriage, and the 20th Century Vole logo; 20th Century Vole presents Irving C. Saltzberg Jnr. and the Disappearing Writers Sketch; Hermit answers phone and gets fired; Saltzberg credits roll.
Oh, You're No Fun Anymore
Hermit runs downhill and can't remember line; credits; camel spotting; animations board meeting `I embezzled it!'; here is the address to complain to; reminder about leaving your radio on at night; announcer for the next sketch: The Science Fiction Sketch, Mr. credits.
Full Frontal Nudity
Hermit and bomb; credits; Episode 12b Full Frontal Nudity; man on the street interviews on full frontal nudity; an Army recruit wants out, gangsters offer protection to Colonel `things burn Colonel', Colonel ends sketch because of silliness; animation- Full Frontal Nudity; man in the street considers full frontal nudity; art critic reviews `the place of the nude in my bed... in art!'; newlyweds try to buy a bed and mattress; more men in the street; colonel warns again about silly sketches; two hermits talk about hermitting; animation- venus on the half shell; Pet Shop Sketch `but the palindrome of Bolton, would be notlob!'; newsreader announces frontal nudity; flasher; Hell's Grannies, baby snatchers, and viscous gangs of Keep Left signs, Colonel stops sketch; flasher; Hermit and bomb; credits.
The Ant, an Introduction
Hermit dodging landmines; credits; Part 2: The Llama, Live from Golder's Green- a Flamenco troupe explains the Llama `Llamas son mas grandes que las ranas'; and now for something completely different: a man with a tape recorder up his nose; mountaineering sketch, two men skilled in climbing apply to an expedition to the twin peaks of Mt. Kilimanjaro; and now: Monty Python; a man with a tape recorder up his brother's nose, and now in stereo; animation- saint selling encyclopedias; barber fights urge to kill, reveals he always wanted to be a lumberjack, song- Lumberjack Song; letters of protest; housewife protests about to much sex on television `I mean, I keep falling off', Prof. Gumby gives an opinion on television's influence; announcer grovels during introduction of star, `Ken Buddha, a smile, two bangs and a religion', animation- Brian Islam and Brucie; life in the country guns, guns, guns; knight with chicken not needed this week; and now: Victor and Iris's night alone together with Arthur Name `name by name but not by nature', Mr. Hermit; credits.
NO TITLE
Hermit on meathook; credits; BBC sends letter to plumber asking him to be in a sketch, robber in lingerie shop waits for plumber; David Unction introduces `It's a Tree' with Arthur Tree, a piece of laminated plastic and a block of wood; animation- Chippendale does impersonations, announcer introduces => the vocational guidance counselor sketch- accountant wants to be lion tamer; David Unction and a viking; Ron Obvious tries to jump the English channel, eat a cathedral, tunnel to Java, split a railway car with his nose and jump to Mercury; pet conversion sketch; comments on sketch predictability; gorilla wants to be a librarian; letters; lover visits lady in the night and encounters a crowd; animation- comments on last sketch predictability by animals; Hermit; credits.
The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra Goes to the Bathroom
Hermit hit by auto; Episode Two's: Royal Philharmonic goes to bathroom; letter of objection; Mary Bignell's wonderful jump; letters of objection; Royal Philharmonic flushes; animation- objections; Prof. Canning presents the Black Death, interrupted by undertakers racing hearses Inspectors Tiger, Lookout, There's-a-man-behind-you, and Fire investigate a murder; undertakers interrupt show for a burial; a late letter of objection; an existential football interview `Well Brian, I hit the ball first time, and there it was in the back of the net. I'm opening a boutique'; back to the murder investigation; undertakers having it rough; animation- undertakers Interesting People: a man in a matchbox, `Ali Bayan stark raving mad', `Men of Harlech' on bicycle bells, a man who can give a cat influenza, an invisible man, interesting sports, a man who's into shouting, a man whose cat jumps across a studio into a bucket of water- `By herself? No, I fling her', and a Mr. Keith Maniac who puts bricks to sleep; four tired undertakers; animation- moving coffin; back to existential interview `I've fallen of my chair Brian!'; animation- coffins underground; 18th century social legislation explained by A.J.P. Taylor, a sexy blonde in bed, `but first a bit of fun'; Prof. Canning again, with Gumbies discussing the Battle of Trafalgar, a re-enactment of the Battle of Pearl Harbor by Mrs. Rita Fairbanks and the Battley Townswomen's Guild; Canning; undertakers leave in hearse; Hermit; credits.
The Naked Ant
Hermit pinballs off trees; credits; episode 17-26: The Naked Ant; signal man men falling past window; letter of protest; animation- people falling; Spectrum- `What is Going On?'; the North Minehead By-Election with Adolf Hilter, man on the street about Mr. Hilter; Spectrum again `What do I mean, by what do I mean?'; `I Wish to Report a Burglary!'; The 127th Annual Upper Class Twit of the Year competition `He doesn't have any sort of sensory apparatus what-so-ever. My God this is exciting!'; letter of complement; animation- soldier falls apart; Ken Shabby proposes `After five years they give me a brush', The Story So Far...; A Party Political Broadcast on behalf of the Wood Party- minister falls through Earth's crust `I should think the longest length of BBC rope', commentary on minister's fall; Anything else? `No', Spectrum again `What do we mean by no', sixteen ton weight; Hermit; credits.
Intermission
Undertakers carry Hermit on; a short intermission; credits; a medium-sized intermission; animation- "intermission" eaten; 'Please excuse my wife'; a whopping great intermission; animation- Pearls for Swine presents... cinema ads- ALBATROSS! Gannet on a stick!; more ads; policeman and man on corner ("Do you want to come back to my place"); Me Doctor?, chicken knight; Gumbies; Historical Impersonations- Cardinal Richelieu as Petula Clark and Marcel Marceau mimes a man being struck on the head by a sixteen-ton weight; schoolboys 'I want to have Raquel Welch dropped on top of me. She's got a big bottom!' and insurance agents; cops and robbers; Probearound looks at Magic and the police force; A.T. Hun turns himself in 'Curses! Curses!'; letters of protest, animated letter falls apart; Psychiatrist Larch sees a man about strange voices the man is hearing, man goes to see Larch's friend who specializes in these sort of things and gets an expensive operation, man found to have squatters in his stomach 'Are you rolling your own jelly babies in there?'; animation- man complains 'What a way to end a series', smile; Hermit; credits.
Dinsdale
Credits with flowers and man with chicken body; Face the Press- Minister in a pink tulle dress; The New Gas Cooker Sketch; animation- flying monarch; dirty old man and billboard `I like a bit of pram please'; Ministry of Silly Walks; Ethel the Frog looks at the rise and fall of Doug and Dinsdale Piranha; announcer, hermit; credits with Spiny Norman.
The Spanish Inquisition
Man flying into cliff; credits; Jarrow- New Years Eve 1911, interrupted by Spanish Inquisition; man asked to be in a sketch with a novelty salesman, man's head borrowed for animation- eyeball stolen and shot in cannon; new tax proposed on `thingie'; man on the street- What I would tax; snapshots with the Spanish Inquisition; animation- I confess!; semaphore version of Wuthering Heights, Julius Caesar on an Aldis Lamp, Gunfight at the O.K. Corral in Morse Code and the smoke signal version of Gentlemen Prefer Blondes; charades in the Criminal Court, judge on trial, credits, Spanish Inquisition late for court.
Show 5
Woman undresses by window, announcer by window; exploding animals; Hermit; credits; A bishop practicing for show #8, `This way please!' to the flying lesson sketch `Oh, Oh, Oh! No more butter scones for me Mater, I'm off to play the grand piano! Pardon me while I fly my aeroplane!'; BALPA spokesman protests; airplane hijacking sketch `don't anybody move, except of course for certain involuntary movements'; bus hijacking sketch; The poetry of Ewen MacTeagle `Can You Lend Me Fifty Pounds to Mend the Shed'; exploding animals, scotsman protests McTeagle sketch, gynecologist on his lunch hour; animation- little girl and men, hands and a lasso; psychiatric milkmen; complaints; psychiatric dairies, This way please; It's the Mind- the strange phenomenon of deja-vu; credits.
The Buzz Aldrin Show
animation- drab caterpillar guy turns to game-show-host-type butterfly; credits; Gumbies introduce sketches; Architect Sketch; recognizing a free mason and cure; Gumbies; Insurance Sketch; The Bishop! a C of E film; housing problem of the aged; Poet Board- poet reads weather; discussing censorship `semprini?'; the chemist sketch featuring A Not At All Naughty Chemists Ltd., shoplifter and Police Superintendent Pan Am; Gumbies, Gumbettes; credits.
Live from the Grillomat
BBC1, announcer live from a Painton snack bar; credits; announcer- the hors d'oeuvre; Blackmail!; the Society for Putting Things on Top of Other Things turns into a German prison camp; animation- the escape; announcer- the dish; Population Explosion- new talk show; animation- more of the escapees; Prawn Salad Ltd. `Hello Officer, there seems to have been an accident'; escapees meet bishop still practicing from show #5; announcer- the dessert; Seven Brides for Seven Brothers a school play; animation- Teddy and Neddy hunting piggy banks; butchershop sketch `Oh, thank you says the great queen like a la-te-da poofter!'; announcer- the coffee; Ken Clean-Air Systems the great white hope of British boxing `nobody knows why'; waitress reads announcers note, announcer on bus; credits.
School Prizes
It's a Living explains it's rules; BBC1 tells time on both networks; animation- This Way Please!; credits; announcers appears to tell us why he is unable to appear; presentation of school prizes by thieving impostors; Mr. L.F. Dibley defends his films (IF, 2001, Midnight Cowboy , Finnian's Rainbow and Rear Window) on a TV talk show; Foreign secretary speaks on canoeing and Arabs throw him into lake, Arabs throw others into lake; dinner party interrupted by Book of the Month club dung, Dead Indian with new gas cooker and the M4 motorway; animation- other prizes; Timmy Williams Coffee Time; Raymond Luxury-Yacht (Throatwarbler-Mangrove) goes on a talk show; animation- pnuematic lady welcomes sexual athletes; marriage registrar misunderstands mans request; animation- Prince with a spot of `CANCER' not the audio dubbed `Gangreen' (see episode 24), `Yes, black as the ace of spades!'; Election Night Special- Sensible, Slightly Silly, Silly and Very Silly parties, candidates include Jethro Q. Walrustitty, Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lin-busstop-f'tang-f'tang-ole'-biscuit barrel and Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Umbrella Stand Jasper Wednesday (Pop! Pop!) Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable (Whinnying!) Arthur Norman Michael (Squeak!) Featherstone Smith (Whistle) Northgot Edwards Harris (Whoop!) Mason (Chuff!-Chuff!-Chuff!) Frampton Jones Fruitbat Gilbert `We'll Keep a Welcome In the (Bang! Bang! Bang!)' Williams If I Could Walk That Way Jenkin (Squeak!) Tiger-draws Pratt Thompson `Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head' Darcy Carter (Toot!) Pussycat `Don't Sleep In The Subway' Barton Mannering (Hoot!, Whoop!) Smith; credits.
The Atilla the Hun Show
he Atilla the Hun Show!; song: With a Little Love by the Hunlets; credits; Atilla the Nun, doctor examines lady to `The Stripper'; Secretary of State for the Commonwealth delivers an address on Agrarian policies while stripping; political groupies; Ratcatcher sketch; scientist researches new strain of sheep; animation- killer sheep on the lamb; news for parrots; adaptation of Tale of Two Cities for parrots; Today in Parliment; news for Wombats; animation- Atilla the Bun; the Art of Idioting `I may be an idiot, but I'm no fool'; Cricketing from Lords; animation- cricket match played by furniture, Epsom Downs furniture racing; Mrs. Scum wins a blow on the head; credits.
Archaeology Today
BBC-1 previews what's coming on, Variety and then there's Sport!; credits; animation- toe from credits found in dig; Archaeology Today- interviewer obsessed with peoples heights; Flaming Star- singing archaeologists' revenge against interviewer from previous sketch; an appeal to overcome sanity by the Reverend Arthur Belling of St. Looney Up the Cream Bun and Jam; Leapy Lee makes an appeal on behalf of the National Truss, boxer KO's Leapy; man tries to exchange wife at registry office; abandoned sketch; animation- Muggsy Spaniel and Eggs Diamond; the Git family at a party; nice version of the preceding sketch; boxer KO's nun; Hank and Roy Spim, Aussie hunters stalk mosquitoes `There's nothing more dangerous than a wounded mosquito'; justices in disrobing room; Mrs Thing and Mrs. Entity discuss the subject of doing nothing and Beethoven and his Mynah bird `Sod the sugar bowl!', `Stuff the jam spoon!', Shakespeare, Michelangelo, W.A. Mozart, Colin Mozart ratcatcher at the Beethoven's flat `I told you to get off the piano you stupid flying buck toothed git! Get OFF!'; justices in disrobing room; credits.
How to Recognise Different Parts of the Body
Ladies in bikinis, announcer in bikini, Hermit in bikini; credits; How to Recognize Different Parts of the Body; University of Wallamaloo staff meeting for the Philosophy department `Rule 1: No Poofters!'; body parts; interviewer with Norman St. John Polevaulter a man who contradicts people; body parts; Mr. Luxury-Yacht (Throatwarbler-Mangrove) seeks a nose job and camping holiday; and now a precision display of bad temper; close order swanning about `Oooh, get her. Whoops! I got your number duckie, you couldn't afford me dear 2,3. I'll scratch your eyes out! Don't come the Brigadier bit with us dear, we all know where you've been, you military fairy, 2,3. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 Whoops, don't look now girls the major just minced in with the jolly colour sergeant. 2,3! Oooh.'; animation- ballet, generals, old lady trips bus, The Killer Cars, mutant cat and hand; Verrifast Plaine Co. Ltd. offers no frills flight to America; re-enactment of the first heart transplant by the Battley Townswomen's Guild and other open air productions at sea; animation- car tours lady's body; body parts; radio dramatization of the Death of Mary, Queen of Scots; `What's on the television then? Looks like a penguin.'; body parts; `Don't anyone move there's been a burnley!', Sgt. Duckie's song; multi-lingual contest announcer; Monaco's winning song: Bing Tiddle Tiddle Bang; credits.
Scott of the Antarctic
`Le Fromage Grand'- lady and a revolutionary in garbage dump `I see you have a cabbage', film reviewer, another dump; the filming of Scott of the Antarctic `Gleet! Gleet!' which becomes Scott of the Sahara `I gotta fight the lion!', `See Scott's death struggle with a huge African lion!' and a 40 foot tall electric penguin with tentacles; announcer; credits; animation- stepping on people, Conrad's dancing teeth, a letter; man tries to license his pet fish Eric; Derby Council 15 comes out for second half with Lord Mayors and their ladies and the Gynecologists Association versus the Long John Silver Impersonators; credits.
How Not to Be Seen
Conquistador Instant Coffee becomes Conquistador Instant Leprosy `S. Frog, sir', needle stuck on recording of announcer; credits; Ramsey MacDonald in ladies underwear `My it's hot in here'; job interview at swap center; animation- Miss Johnson destroyed by Chinese Communist conspiracy, Crelm toothpaste and U.S. defense only protection, Shrill gas mileage test; Neville Shunt's `It All Happened on the 8:13 From Gillingham', Shunt, Gavin Milnarrrr reviews the play; announcer man on the street `I've been in the city...'; Crackpot Religions Ltd. to Cartoon Religions Ltd. [ see below ]; H.M Government Public Service Film No. 42 Para 6 How Not to Be Seen; interview with a man trying not to seen, Jackie Charleton and the Toenails sing `Yummy Yummy' while trying not to be seen; credits; for those who just missed Monty Python here it is again.
Spam
The Black Eagle, announcer; credits; Hungarian at the tobacconists `Do you want? Do you want? To come back to my place bouncy! bouncy!', `My nipples explode with delight!'; Alexander Yalk prosecuted for obscene Hungarian phrasebook; justices in sensational press; animation- 2001 soccer ball; World Forum: Karl Marx, Che-Guevara, Lenin and Mao Tse Tung answer questions on English football; animation- and now for a bit of fun; 1914 Ypres movie set crowded; figures from paintings go out on strike; sketch about Ypres resumes `Dip, dip, dip. My little ship. Sailed on the O-Cean, You are it!'; mental hospital for overacting; animation- Hamlet ward, bombs to flowers; flower arranging by D.P. Gumby; spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam and spam `I don't like SPAM!', song- Spam, historian, more spam; credits.
Royal Episode 13
Announcer reveals that the Queen will be watching this show; Royal credits; Royal Episode 13: 1st spoof, coal miners argue over historical dates; newsreader; The Toad Elevating Moment features a man who says things in a roundabout way, a man who speaks the ends of words, a man who says the beginning of words and a man who says ends of words; animation- dragon with bad breath, Crelm toothpaste, concrete truss; how to feed goldfish by an irresponsible man; tape recorder in a bush, a waiter and Herbert Mendel: a man who collects birdwatcher's eggs, butterfly catchers and races pigeon fanciers; animation- Spiny Norman, bomber and Madonna; insurance sketch; Queen tunes in and out; doctors discourage lying around hospital by patients; exploding `Blue Danube Waltz'; dorm at a girl's public school; high school girls re-enact invasion of Normandy, housewives in a submarine; animation- the firing of Mrs. Nesbitt; letter of protest; sailors in a lifeboat discuss who's for dinner; letter of protest; animation- cannibal snacks; protests; undertaker outlines alternatives for a man's dead mother, audience rebels as Queen tunes back in; credits.
Njorl's Saga
Njorl's Saga: Iceland 1126, organist, announcer, Hermit, credits with plumbing; man apologizes to court and police; animation- Spider escapes into himself, police follow; Njorl's Saga Part II; BBC drama office; restart of Njorl's Saga, finds North Malden; an apology; BBC programmer in pleads in court, defendant charged with being in Njorl's Saga escapes into self; animation- Spider still being chased; stock market analyzed; Mrs. Premise and Mrs. Conclusion argue over putting budgies down and call on Jean-Paul Sartre; North Malden intrudes again; BBC drama office again; Njorl's Saga starts again, but it is the housewives still looking for and finding Jean-Paul; Whicker's World; Whickered credits roll.
Mr. & Mrs. Brian Norris' Ford Popular
The Kon Ti Ki: RA 1, RA 2: Mr. credits; headmaster calls in schoolboys for financial and gynecological aid; How To Do It- split an atom, play the flute, rid the world of all known diseases; Mrs. Knickerbaiter explodes; vicar comes selling encyclopedias; medical phenomenon of exploding as cure for illness; vicar still selling encyclopedias; doctor continues; animation- skeleton on doctors chart leaves; director of Covent Garden shows up on Farming Club; life of Tchaikovsky `Hello Pianist'; Trim Jeans theater presents `Beckett' and other classics; animation- mouth leaves inane announcer; fish slapping dance; animation- big fish swallows little fish; ship's crew prepares to abandon ship as women, children, Indians, and a sort of idealized version of the compleat Renaissance Man; survivors captured by South American Police, but production plagued by BBC's lack of money, Puss N' Boots shows up; BBC television run out of lady's house; scrap paper credits; `It's' Hermit's talk show.
The Money Programme
The Money Programme features a look at money `lots of it, on film and in the studio', song: The Money Song; credits; Erizabeth L: Episode Thlee: The Almada, a drama directed by Slit-Eyes Yakamoto with all actors on mopeds; Inspector Leopard of the Yard exposes phony director; animation- cops and robbers; `One dead unjugged rabbit-fish later', church police; animation- bouncing ball chases man in jungle; jungle explorers find a smashing little restaurant; violent ending of last sketch replaced by a repeat of Ken Russell's Gardening Club (1958); explorers discover lost city of Rayarama, explorer's club, explorers find a film crew filming them, Inspector Baboon strikes again; credits; BBC1 another six minutes of Monty Python; The Argument Clinic, Inspectors Fox arrests everyone, interrupted by Inspector Thompson's Gazelle; BBC-1 one more minute of Monty Python.
Blood, Devastation, Death, War and Horror
Blood, Devastation, Death, War and Horror presents a man who speaks in anagrams `If you're going to split hairs, I'm going to piss off!'; anagram credits; Mrs Scum has 12 hours to beat the clock; merchant banker loans to charity and has to sack a pantomime horse; a film on aggressive animal behavior with pantomime horses, pantomime Princess Margaret, pantomime goose, Jacques Cousteau and others; animation- The House Hunters; man wants to join WRAC, actor complains about lack of funny lines, people laugh at Mr. Ordin, back to the actor with no funny lines; The Bols Story, announcer explains pauses, but BBC1 keeps interrupting, BBC News; The Pantomime Horse is a Secret Agent Film; anagram credits for Tony M. Nyphot's Flying Risccu roll.
The All-England Summarize Proust Competition
Credits; All-England Summarize Proust Competition; credits; Mt. Everest, start again!; International hairdressing expedition to climb Everest; animation- coming attraction for `A Magnificent Festering'; Mervyn tries to reach the fire brigade about his dead hamster and his brother comes home from Dublin (telephone operators interested in shoe sizes), fire brigade come over for a drop of sherry; Party Hints by Veronica Small: How to deal with the Red Menace at Your Party; start again!; animation- Russians selling Communist Revolutions, Putrid Peter man wants instructional tapes, Sandy Wilson's version of `The Devils' song: Hello Operator; Mr. Smoketomuch wants to arrange an adventure holiday `What's the point off going abroad if your going to be carted around like a sheep...'; Thrust: Anne Elk's theory about the Brontosaurus `AAAAhheeeemmm!'; start again!
The War Against Pornography
Housewives solve the labor problem and clean up the arts; credits; Mr. Gumby goes to have a lobotomy; animation- Good Evening; George and Gladys watch a program on mollusks `Yes, the mollusk is a randy little bastard!'; animation- baby sucking on pacifier; BBC news report mutates into different forms; politicians- an apology; reporter covering Naval expedition becomes Long John Silver, animation- Today's R.N., coverage continues of Naval expedition to Lake Pahoe located at 22A Runcorn St.; Mr. Badger answers questions about Magna Carta in mime; credits.
Salad Days
Credits; Biggles dictates a letter `Algy, are you gay?'; animation- flying things; climbing the north face of the Oxbridge Road; sailors mistake #24 Parker street for a lifeboat; two ladies spy on neighbors using high tech equipment `bring her up on the 6 inch Gladys'; housewife finds herself on lifeboat; Storage Jars around the world; animation- television is bad for your eyes; the Show So Far..., giant hammer hits announcer; the Cheese Shop sketch; review of `Rogue Cheddar' and Peckinpah's `Salad Days'; reviewer is shot as the credits roll; an apology; news about storage jars; Interlude: conquistador apologizes for short show.
The Cycling Tour
Mr. Pither crashes on his bicycle `the pump got caught in my trouser leg'; replaces sandwiches; falls again; tells woman in garden; falls again; falls again; asks doctor for directions; doctor gives him prescription; Pither goes to a chemist; does not fall off; falls off again; stops at pub for drink `just had a chat with your dad'; gets hit by Mr. Gulliver, a man keen on crash proof food, and they get into accident; Pither takes man to hospital; man thinks he's Clodagh Rogers `I'm just a jack-in-the-box!' and then becomes Leon Trotsky and escapes to Russia; Trotsky checks into the YMACA; Pither goes to British Embassy `Blingo! Blingo!'; secret police take Pither to Moscva `you're an ice cream salesman'; Russians hold clambake with Trotsky who turns into Eartha Kitt and Mr. Pither is imprisoned; execution goes awry and Pither dreams about escape; Eartha Kitt appears in Moscva and regains memory and goes in search of Pither, who is standing in front of firing squad again; one lucky escape later they each go their separate ways; credits; animation- Maurice and Kevin.
The Nude Man
East Scottish Airways faces a bomb threat; organist talks about the place of the nude man; announcer talks about laughter; credits; `and now for ten seconds of sex'; announcer talks about returning MPFC; new housing built entirely by characters from 19th Century literature; characters from Milton's Paradise Lost build an eighteen level bypass; flats built by Hypnosis featuring the Amazing Mystico and Janet `Yes Janet, a quiet shy girl...'; outburst of capital punishment; morgue attendants listen to Radio 4 and are toured by a judge `Iah, Iah, Iah I'm a good little doggie'; finals of the Olympic Men's Hide and Seek in the record times of 11 years, 2 months, 26 days, 9 hours, 3 minutes and 27 seconds; smarmy announcer, chicken knight; the Cheaplaughs visit their neighbors, sixteen ton weight; Probe looks at bullfighting; animation- push of a button, two growing trees; live feed from the planet Algon where a simple pair of split crotched panties are virtually priceless; extortionist reads credits; 16 ton weight.
E. Henry Thripshaw's Disease
Tudor job agency, dirty book shop, the Life of Sir Phillip Sidney who personally captures 6,000 copies of Tits and Bums, animation-Gay Boys in Bondage; Reverend Arthur Belling from St. Looney Up the Cream Bun and Jam makes some converts; credits; animation- animals in shooting gallery; the Free Repetition of Doubtful Words Sketch; animation- horse with envelope; Is There? discusses life after death; Dr. E. Henry Thripshaw discovers a new disease and turns it into a media spectacular; silly noises; a vicar discusses his sherry supply problem with a salesman; credits; BBC-1 announcement.
Dennis Moore
Boxing Tonight: Sir Kenneth Clarke meets a boxer in the ring for Oxford professorship of fine arts; credits; Dennis Moore steal lupins from the rich `Stand and deliver! Your lupins or your life!', song: The Ballad of Dennis Moore; housewives discuss astrology; doctors shake down patients; animation- ambulance drivers loot house; should there be a fourth TV network?; BBC1 announcements; George the 1st: Episode 3: The Gathering Storm, Dennis Moore rides again `In a bunch!'; Ideal Loon exhibition with French osteopaths, priests in custard and then there's the judging; animation- thief steals newspaper clippings; off-license sketch goes into poetry and then a short story `seems there was this chap called Dennis Moore', Dennis Moore returns; Prejudice! a TV show featuring Shoot the Poof! and miserable fat Belgian bastards; Dennis Moore attempts to redistribute the wealth; credits; losing judge contestant cries.
A Book at Bedtime
Quarrel over starting show with credits; credits; A Book at Bedtime featuring a poor reader whom gets help reading aloud; kamikaze Scotsmen, kamikazee advice center; more kamikazee Scotsmen; `No Time to Lose; advice center, animation- No Time Toulouse, the Story of the Wild and Lawless Days of the Post Impressionists; more kamikaze Scotsmen; back to the readers; animation- 2001 caveman; Frontiers in Medicine: Part 2 The Gathering Storm, The role of penguins in nature; animation- penguins in power; kamikaze Scotsmen in Russia, the Russian unexploded Scotsmen disposal squad in action; Spot the Looney!; two documentary hosts compete for air time; the poor readers finish the story; credits; BBC1 announcement; BBC1 previews Dad's Pooves and other new comedy shows.
The British Royal Awards Programme
Thames Television announcer; organist, announcer, Hermit; The British Show Biz Awards presented by Her Royal Highness the Dummy Princess Margaret, the remains of Sir Alan Whattle, new suit sketch, lemon curry, the Oscar Wilde Sketch `Your majesty is like a stream of bat's piss'; animation- lady powders nose, Charwoman!; more awards, David Niven's fridge, Pier Paolo Pasolini's The Third Test Match; Mrs. Zambezi gets a new brain; man wants to donate urine; wife swapping play by play, formation wife swapping, Grandstand- coverage of wife rugby; credits of the year; more Show Biz awards, The Dirty Vicar Sketch `I like TITS!'
The Golden Age of Ballooning
The Golden Age of Ballooning: Ep. 1 The Beginnings, The Montgolfier brothers pioneer hot air flight, try to wash, Mr. Bartlett comes to visit; animation- brothers washing; Ep. 2 The Montgolfier Brothers in Love, Louis the ??teenth comes to visit and steal the balloon plans; Ep. 3 The Great Day for France, court of George the Third; end credits; Norwegian party political broadcast; Ep. 6 Count Ferdinand Von Zeppelin shows his balloon to dignitaries `It's not a balloon! It's a Zeppelin!'; the drawing and sitting rooms of a small German house; Golden Age of Colonic Irrigation; The Mill on the Floss: Part 1 Ballooning.
Michael Ellis
Credits with rolling coin; end credits; a doorman is abused in front of very odd department store (much like Harrod's); a lady buys a flamethrower; some salesclerks make faces at man who wishes to buy an ant (the staff thinks this man is Michael Ellis); man takes ant home to mother; watches BBC lecture on ants; returns defective ant to store; finds Victorian poetry reading about ants; toupee fitting room; manager's office; end of the show department featuring a summing up from the panel, happy ending, long slow fade, two lone figures walking into the sunset, a chase and...
Anything Goes, The Light Entertainment War
TV preview of Up Your Pavement and others shows featuring Alex Diamond and other famous people; RAF banter sketch; report of invasion by angels, enemy is not taking war seriously, court martial of soldier for using a wet towel as a weapon, features the skating vicar; invasion of tutu laden soldiers; coming soon- wartime romances; credits; Indian used as a TV remote control, Mrs. Elizabeth III proves she's an idiot; meeting of program heads discussing showing the M4 and other roads in England when a security guard reports the court martial sketch isn't serious anymore; animation- man complaining about everything; squire tries out `woody' sounding words; Hindu remote control, show jumping featuring The Sound of Music, Oklahoma, The Black late breaking bulletin: World War II has entered romantic phase song- When Does a Dream Begin; credits.
Hamlet
Hamlet by William Shakespeare, Act One; Hamlet pulls up in car; Hamlet on couch being interviewed by several different psychiatrists `You've got this great looking bird, her legs are up on the mantle piece...'; Dr. Bruce Genuine comments; computer psychiatrist interviews Hamlet; computer is launched and blown up; Nationwide looks at comfortable chairs, policemen accosts Nationwide reporter couple in bed with her father; credits; group of people in bed watching Hamlet; animation- paratroopers; a decapitated boxer's locker room; hospital workers listen to fight on radio; Mrs. Gorilla Mrs. Non-Smoker feeds the birds large quantities of food and talks to Mrs. Smoker about piston engines; Act Two- A Room in Polonius's House; live from Epsom, The Queen Victoria's Handicap; Several Queen Victoria's talk about soccer; animation- boy flying with balloons; Act Five- A Ham in the Castle; credits; And Then!
Mr. Neutron
Credits; man collecting small arms; a new postal box dedicated in several languages; Mr. Neutron arrives; animation- Neutron credits; Mr. Neutron has tea; headquarters of F.E.A.R. set out to locate Neutron; Mr. Neutron works in garden; F.E.A.R. sets out to locate Teddy Salad the only man who can locate Neutron in the Yukon; Mr. Neutron puts up wall paper; Agent Carpenter tries to locate Salad at an outpost, finds him later in disguise pulling a dog sled; at No. 10 the Prime Minister and his aide confer about Neutron; F.E.A.R. bombs the world; Mr. Neutron falls in love with Mrs. S.C.U.M.; Salad tells where Neutron is after `Walkies'; F.E.A.R. blows up; the new Gobi desert box blows up; Mr. Neutron turns Mrs. S.C.U.M. into a beautiful woman they leave as bomb explodes; animation- has Mr. Neutron survived; announcer tells of lavish and expensive ending to show that will occur after credits; Conjuring Today; man struck on head by hammer.
A Party Political Broadcast on Behalf of the Liberal Party
A Party Political Broadcast on Behalf of the Liberal Party; A woman ironing appliances, a laxative cereals, `I run out of beans!', Yes it's the Most Awful Family in Britain Contest for 1974; Icelandic Honey week; a man stabbed by a nurse has to fill out a form for the Doctor to treat him as he bleeds to death; brigadier dictates a letter of protest; animation- opera singer and cannon; an appeal on behalf of rich people who have nothing wrong with them; a woman who can't finish sentences; the quest for the walking tree of Dahomie; the legendary batsmen of the Kalahari; credits; the news.