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3rd Rock from the Sun (1996)
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Brains and Eggs
Four aliens arrive on earth, form human bodies and assume the identities of Dick, Sally, Harry and Tommy -- the "Solomon family" -- for the purpose of conducting experiments and observing life on this planet. The Solomons find an apartment in Rutherford, Ohio, a college town where they landed and meet their new landlady, Mrs. Dubcek. Dick secures a job as physics professor at the university, where he's fascinated by Nina, his secretary, and finds himself strangely attracted to Dr. Mary Albright, his office-matebut a misunderstanding over her thesis leaves her angry while Dick is frustrated and confused. Harry and Sally get a cooking lesson from Mrs. Dubcek, which sends Sally screaming from the kitchen. Dick gets his own lesson in "feelings" from his physics class, while Tommy, in the throes of puberty and in hot pursuit of the girls' volleyball team, longs to get out of his body and off the planet. But at Dean Sumner's faculty party, Dick decides that the mission must be extended for further "experiments" with Dr. Albright. Departure is postponed indefinitely.
Post Nasal Dick
Tommy's "make-out session" has an unintended consequence: he catches a bug and the crew gets its first taste of human illness. Martha Stewart has a cameo curing Harry with her apple cobbler.
Dick's First Birthday
When Nina inquires about Dick's birthday to update her records, Dick has no idea how to respond - the concepts of age and acting his age are meaningless to him. Harry gets hooked on self-help tapes. Dick informs the other aliens that they need to know how old they are and they also need birthdays. Dick gets upset when he determines that, as a middle-aged man, he's past his prime, but Sally concludes that if she has to be a woman, she's at the ideal age and has the body to prove it. In Tommy's health class the subject is sex, but he's unimpressed with the information he's getting, so for his project on female reproduction he brings Sally to class. To the amusement of Nina and Dr. Albright, Dick attempts to look younger by dyeing his hair black and wearing a ridiculous outfit to work. Finally Dr. Albright teaches Dick that since life is short, we should forget about age and just enjoy the ride.
Dick Is From Mars, Sally Is From Venus
Dick gives Tommy an assignment to check out high school, an institution that in four short years can "take a bright, inquisitive child and spit out a burger-flipping automaton." Sally, in a quest to experience sex, goes out on a date and returns home giggly and girlish, only to be devastated when Brad, her date, doesn't call as promised. Dick is summoned to Tommy's school, where he is informed that Tommy has problems with authority. His response leaves Tommy's teachers speechless. Dick attempts to bond with Tommy, father to son, with no success whatever. Dr. Albright and Nina take Sally out for drinks to console her about her dating problems. Sally concludes that she's part of a huge cosmic joke: men and women are two entirely different species, forced to co-exist as best they can on the same planet.
Dick, Smoker
While Sally does a slow burn at being the often-overruled second in command, Dick lights up his life by taking up smoking.
Green-Eyed Dick
Dick discovers the emotion of jealousy when Dr. Albright's old boyfriend returns to visit on a promotional tour of the novel he dedicated to her; Harry adopts a stray dog.
Lonely Dick
Dick's one lonely guy when Dr. Albright goes on vacation; Sally and Harry are lured by skin-care products that promise eternal youth.
Body & Soul & Dick
When an obnoxious professor dies during a party in his honor, Dick finds the will specifies that he must deliver a "forthright and honest" eulogy about the universally despised academic. Meanwhile, Tommy neglects his female pal August to hit it off with an "easy" cheerleader.
Ab-Dick-ted
Dick receives a roundabout lesson in family values from Dr. Albright's loopy brother, who claims to have been abducted by aliens.
Truth or Dick
Dr. Albright uses flattery to convince Dick to attend a faculty meeting in her place, but Dick immediately alienates the group by innocently revealing Dr. Albright's true feelings: that they're a bunch of stodgy, boring old men. Confronting a furious Albright, perplexed Dick begins learning that "truth" can have many degrees and nuances. Meanwhile, Harry and Sally decide that they must have drivers' licenses, and Sally quickly discovers that flattery can often be very useful. And Tommy experiences the mall, inhabited by "adolescent aliens" much like himself, and feels that he's found his true home at last.
The Art of Dick
While Dick and Harry take up painting (Harry takes to it; Dick doesn't), Sally takes over the school bake sale with the gusto of Gen. Patton.
Frozen Dick
A snowstorm -- the Solomons' first -- spoils Dr. Albright's trip to Chicago, leaving her stranded in a truck stop with Dick.
Angry Dick
The Solomons learn about the give and take necessary to human friendships when they turn their anthropological gaze to the next-door neighbors.
The Dicks They Are A-Changin'
Harry joins a CD club and finds the responsibilities of membership overwhelming. When Nina tells Dick that Stanford has no graduate records on him and Dick reacts defensively, Dr. Albright observes that it's virtually impossible to get a straight answer from Dick about his past. As Dr. Albright reminisces about her wild, rebellious times at Berkeley and Mrs. Dubcek contributes some colorful recollections, Dick chides Tommy that, as information officer, he failed to brief the crew on the crucial sixties decade. Dr. Albright becomes convinced that Dick is actually Manny Rosenberg, a sixties activist whom she knew briefly and who has been in hiding from the FBI for decades. Dick denies this but soon realizes that his presumed identity has somehow made him more attractive to Dr. Albright. Later, at Dr. Albright's apartment, Dick thinks that they'll at last be having sex, but Dr. Albright angrily reveals that she and Manny had an upsetting encounter that she still hasn't gotten over, and she asks Dick to leave. But they share a warm moment afterward with confessions that they both used Dick's "Manny" identity to serve their own ends.
I Enjoy Being A Dick
Dick dons a dress to infiltrate Dr. Albright's women-only study group; Sally and Harry get jobs at a pancake restaurant.
Dick Like Me
The Solomons discover that everyone on Earth has roots but them. During a chat with Tommy's teacher Mr. Randell, Dick learns that the teenage isn't "fitting in" at school. "Of course I'm not fitting in," snaps Tommy, "to fit in, you have to be something." The question is, what to be? Dick grabs an anthropology book for the answer. "It's loaded with every possible genre of human," he marvels. "It's like a catalogue. We can take our pick." Dick picks the Italians because, according to a swooning Dr. Albright, they're the sexist people on the planet. Meanwhile, Sally's swooning, too -- for Mr. Randell.
Assault With A Deadly Dick
The Solomons' faith in human nature is shaken when they fall victim to crime ("This planet is in a bad neighborhood," sighs Sally). Meanwhile, Dick makes Tommy join the school basketball team.
Father Knows Dick
Dick decides the reason Harry's"odd" is because he lacks a father, and sets out nurture the suddenly rebellious Harry -- who then learns that he has a"thing" in his head, a communications device the others knew about all along. Meanwhile, sparks fly when Sally meets the hostile mother of her boyfriend.
Selfish Dick
The ever-present influence of television turns the Solomons' first trip to a hospital into a madcap exercise in fantasy versus reality. After Mrs. Dubcek cuts her finger, and the sight of blood leave Sally unconscious, Harry and Tommy rush them to the hospital, where the smell of sterile corridors and the gleam of surgical scrubs remind the aliens of the exciting work of their favorite TV doctors -- work that they practice on several unsuspecting patients. Meanwhile, Dick has work issues of his own when Dr. Albright finally gets her long-coveted private office.
See Dick Run (1)
Dick cuts up at a Japanese restaurant, but the big news is that he's there with Dr. Albright, who has finally agreed to date him. But just as they finally consummate their attraction, Harry receives bad news from the home planet: Dick has been replaced by a less benign duplicate, who traps him in the basement and takes charge of Dr. Albright.
See Dick Continue to Run (2)
While Dick is trapped in the basement, Evil Dick begins a plan to impregnate all women in Ohio.
See Dick Continue to Run, Continued (3)
With the help of the other aliens, Dick escapes from the box and vanquishes Evil Dick, who is escorted back to his planet by Dennis Rodman, revealed as another alien.
Hotel Dick
Aghast at the treatment of aliens in a hit science fiction movie, the Solomons attend a science fiction convention to try to set the record straight -- and Sally's first experience of hotels get her hooked on room service.
Big Angry Virgin From Outer Space
Relationships are in jeopardy: Sally and Mr. Randall are fighting, and Dick suggests that sex will solve their problem; Harry goes on a video blind date; and August tests Tommy's loyalty.
Much Ado About Dick
When Albright is afraid to be seen with Dick in public as a couple, the Solomons discover the human obsession with what other people think. In the end, Dick and Albright come out with their relationship at a faculty party. Meanwhile, sparks once again fly when Sally runs into Officer Don and decides she is going to be a cop, but Dick forbids it; and Tommy is frustrated by not having transportation.
Dick the Vote
When Harry runs for city councilman, Dick discovers the complexity of the democratic system and struggles to make the right vote.
Fourth and Dick
During Pendleton's Homecoming weekend, Dick learns firsthand the importance people place in competition. Tommy has a crush on his Glee Club teacher. Sally makes Nina her best friend. Harry gets a job as a security officer.
World's Greatest Dick
Fueling his own ego, Dick forces Tommy into a special school for gifted students; Sally is mistaken for a drag queen; Harry dabbles in magic.
My Mother The Alien
Mrs. Dubcek asks the aliens to baby-sit her infant nephew. Dick discovers he's not very good at taking care of things when he kills Albright's fish.
Gobble, Gobble, Dick, Dick
Sally begins to chafe at her role as the female when Dick invites Mrs. Dubcek and her daughter Vicki for Thanksgiving dinner; but Harry and Vicki hit it off atop the dinner table. Meanwhile, it becomes a true American holiday when Tommy fights with Dick and runs away to a pool hall.
Dick Jokes
A jealous Dick decides to show Mary how funny he is after she asks another professor to emcee a college fund-raiser she's organizing. Meanwhile, Harry loses his beloved coat, and Sally builds a shelf to hold her shoes, providing lots of unnoticed slapstick humor.
Jolly Old St. Dick
The Solomons experience their first Christmas. Dick is disillusioned but finally gets the Christmas spirit. Sally gets a job wrapping presents at the mall. Harry takes a job as a mall Santa's assistant and discovers that he isn't the real Santa. Tommy tries to find the perfect present for August. Albright gets drunk on rum balls.
Proud Dick
Because of his pride over a parking space, Dick quits his job at the university and gets one at Rusty's Burgers. Harry loses his memory and becomes paranoid thinking aliens are taking over the world.
Romeo & Juliet & Dick
When Tommy asks Dick to direct his high school production of "Romeo and Juliet", Dick takes the role a little too seriously. Tommy works as the prop guy and when Mrs. Dubcek drinks Juliet's sleeping potion, Harry impersonates her and entertains her friends. Sally tries to get Officer Don to fix Albright's parking tickets and learns that he can't really do it.
Guilty as Dick
While doing a favor for Dr. Albright, Dick sprains his ankle and discovers the power of guilt. Harry, desiring his own room, moves into a tree house. Tommy uses Sally to sell chocolate for a school fund-raiser.
Dick on One Knee
A Frenchman asks Sally to marry him, so he can stay in the country. Sally plans her wedding and assigns duties to the family. Tommy discovers he has a talent for flower arranging and styling. Dick is inspired to discuss marriage with Albright.
Same Old Song and Dick
When Dick attempts to get the magic back in his relationship, he learns it was never missing - their rut is really comfort. Sally and Harry switch jobs. Sally discovers Harry's job is more difficult that it appears, while Harry finds himself enjoying the housework and having a purpose. Tommy finds, to his delight, that August is not perfect.
I Brake for Dick
Consumed with guilt after running over a chipmunk, Dick becomes an animal rights activist, forcing his views on Albright and the family. Tommy writes a letter to an advice columnist after neglecting to ask August to the Spring Dance.
Dick Behaving Badly
When the family accuses Dick of being "whipped" by Albright, Harry helps him become his own man. Sally and Tommy have a showdown with the game Monopoly.
Dickmalion
When Albright fails to get "in" with Rutherford's high society, Dick ends up making the cut, but discovers it's not what it's cracked up to be; Sally and Harry try wrestling; to impress a girl, Tommy becomes a punk at school.
Sensitive Dick
Dick is forced to take sensitivity training after he comes down too hard on his students and they make a complaint against him. Harry escorts Vicki to her high school reunion. Officer Don tries to teach Tommy how to drive.
Will Work For Dick
When an insulted Nina has had enough and quits, Harry becomes secretary to Dick and Dr. Albright.
Fifteen Minutes of Dick
Sally becomes a pseudo celebrity when she beats up Mark Hamill in a restaurant, and Dick becomes jealous while Tommy's school life is affected by Sally's newfound fame. As Sally's assistant, Harry becomes obsessed with keeping Sally on top.
Dick and the Single Girl
A shy and brainy librarian is attracted to Dick, while Sally realizes why she's attracted to Officer Don: his uniform. Meanwhile, Tommy and Harry write a "killer" episode of The X-Files.
A Nightmare on Dick Street (1)
When Dr. Albright announces she is going to Borneo for a year, Dick decides to ask her to marry him. Because of his anxiety Dick experiences his first nightmare leading the other aliens to believe that Dick's brain is breaking down creating more anxiety and nightmares for Sally and Tommy. Harry contacts the Big Giant Head so they can return for emergency maintenance. Dick decides to stay behind and risk dying as a human than to go back and chance not returning in Mary's lifetime.
A Nightmare on Dick Street (2)
When Dr. Albright announces she is going to Borneo for a year, Dick decides to ask her to marry him. Because of his anxiety Dick experiences his first nightmare leading the other aliens to believe that Dick's brain is breaking down creating more anxiety and nightmares for Sally and Tommy. Harry contacts the Big Giant Head so they can return for emergency maintenance. Dick decides to stay behind and risk dying as a human than to go back and chance not returning in Mary's lifetime.
Fun with Dick and Janet (1)
Dick receives an unpleasant order from the home planet on the hour-long third-season opener: he must marry the Big Giant Head's niece Janet. As Sally, Harry and Tommy escort Janet on the rocket to Earth, the bride-to-be sets out to prove that she's a true domestic goddess, brushing up on her skills by reading The Joy of Cooking, The Joy of Sex -- and The Joy of Yiddish. But a defiant Dick is sticking by Mary; whether Mary will stick by Dick is another question. Meanwhile, Janet's arrival in Rutherford is anything but quiet: Officer Don suspects that aliens have landed.
Fun with Dick and Janet (2)
Dick receives an unpleasant order from the home planet on the hour-long third-season opener: he must marry the Big Giant Head's niece Janet. As Sally, Harry and Tommy escort Janet on the rocket to Earth, the bride-to-be sets out to prove that she's a true domestic goddess, brushing up on her skills by reading The Joy of Cooking, The Joy of Sex -- and The Joy of Yiddish. But a defiant Dick is sticking by Mary; whether Mary will stick by Dick is another question. Meanwhile, Janet's arrival in Rutherford is anything but quiet: Officer Don suspects that aliens have landed.
Tricky Dick
Dick and Mary take out their frustrations about their broken engagement on each other and begin an elaborate game of practical-joke one-upmanship, while Sally eyes her disinterested yoga instructor and Tommy reluctantly joins a garage band, with Harry as his roadie
Dick-In-Law
Dick inadvertently lets a huge skeleton out of Mary's parents' closet when he accompanies her on a trip to see her folks, while Sally adjusts to new closet space when she temporarily moves in with Nina.
Scaredy Dick
Dick turns out to be a scaredy cat when faced with the prospect of a physical exam. Meanwhile, Sally and Tommy house-sit at Albright's house on Halloween night -- that's bad news for neighborhood trick-or-treaters -- and Harry stays home alone, except for some very weird noises coming from the basement.
Moby Dick
Dick is forced to diet when he discovers he's put on an enormous amount of weight.
Eleven Angry Men and One Dick
Dick longs for the chance to administer his "unique brand of jurisprudence" when he's called for jury duty; Sally falls for an "artist" [ to Officer Don's chagrin ]; and Tommy and Harry help Albright with a "preverbal" project [ they must remain mute for five days ].
A Friend in Dick
Dick, friendless after his breakup with Albright, tries to shoehorn Officer Don into his life as best friend and constant companion... with mixed results. Sally shanghais the slickly popular dancer Peter Connelly ("King of the Jig") to Johnny Foam's Cafe as a sacrificial lamb for her moody artist boyfriend Seth, and is horrified to learn that rather than the dark and tortured soul the fell for, Seth is a poseur... and a jig fan. Harry tries to get a job so he can buy Tommy some roller blades, but lacking the required diploma, he must first weather the indignities of night school.
Seven Deadly Clips
The Solomons reflect on their sinful ways in an episode that illustrates their misdeeds in clips from past episodes.
Tom, Dick and Mary
Tommy tells Dick he'd really like to meet a woman closer to his real age, say someone like Angie Dickinson. Sally says it's time for her to go out and look for a real job. Dick thinks Harry's watching far too much television and orders him to give it up for a week. Tommy goes to Mary's to return her magnifying glass that Dick has broken, and Mary observes how immature Dick is. They start talking and are immediately engrossed in a discussion about the Aztecs. Their mutual attraction is obvious. Sally is hired as an assistant by Webber, a man who's very impressed by her appearance and couldn't care less about her lack of typing skills. Dick is wild with curiosity when Mary has a lunch date with a mystery man named Tom. August tries to resume her relationship with Tommy, but he tells her he's seeing someone. Tommy asks Dick if he's still interested in Mary, and Dick pretends he couldn't care less; Tommy couldn't be happier. Sally likes her new job, but she's already been advised that she must learn to respect her co-workers. She takes this advice so seriously that when her boss starts hitting on her, she somehow thinks she's at fault. She goes to see Nina who quickly explains that her new boss is a creep and she's the one being harassed. Dick shows up and begs Nina to tell him who Mary's been seeing; Sally tells him that right now Tommy's at Mary's house. Dick rushes to Mary's and confronts Tommy who tells him that this is the happiest he's been since he arrived on this planet. He tells Dick that it's too late, that Dick already gave him the all clear. He tells Dick to leave or he'll call the cops. Sally threatens Webber with violence, and she loses her job. Dick shows up at Mary's again and starts fighting with Tommy over Mary. Mary tells Dick to grow up, but after putting up a good fight, Tommy tells Dick that he can have Mary back. Mary has no idea what's going on and is even more puzzled when Tommy tells her there's no hope for their relationship.
Jailhouse Dick
Dick thinks he's doing the right thing when he offers to personally rehabilitate a criminal, but winds up doing more harm than good; Sally tries to help Mary find a new home for Pepper; and Harry struggles to complete a book report on Little Women.
Dick on a Roll
Dick hurts himself playing in a wheelchair, which puts him in one for real -- and turns him into an angry advocate for handicapped rights. Meanwhile, Dubcek's daughter Vicki visits but decides to become celibate, much to Harry's chagrin.
The Great Dickdater
Dick decides that it's time to date again, so he goes to Sally and Officer Don for advice; Harry and Tommy find a wallet with $200 in it, and return the money to the owner.
36! 24! 36! Dick! (1)
Venusians disguised as gorgeous babes plot to plunder Earth of its riches in an uproarious episode that climaxes at Super Bowl XXXII in San Diego. When hordes of beautiful women start showing up in sleepy Rutherford, Ohio -- and seem enthusiastic about dating average Joes like Dick, Harry, Tommy, and Officer Don - Sally suspects that something's amiss. Before she can warn anyone that the women are really Venusians bent on dominating Earth, they discover her and force her to become one of them. The Solomon men embark on a country-wide search for Sally that ends at the Super Bowl, where the lethal lovelies have planned to unleash their most devastating weapon yet -- the ultimate beer commercial, designed to enslave mankind into coughing up the rest of their pricey consumer goods. In the supervixens' lair, the Solomon men seem defeated, but with the help of Sally, who only pretended to turn against them, and Venusian Mascha [ Cindy Crawford ], who's been won over by Harry's simple charms, Dick and company jam the commercial broadcast, explode the mother ship, and convince the supervixens that a career in modeling might suit them. Meanwhile, Albright and Nina's plans to attend the Super Bowl are thwarted when the Solomons steal their tickets to gain access to the Venusians, and back in Rutherford, Officer Don throws a decidedly low-key Super Bowl party.
36! 24! 36! Dick! (2)
Venusians disguised as gorgeous babes plot to plunder Earth of its riches in an uproarious episode that climaxes at Super Bowl XXXII in San Diego. When hordes of beautiful women start showing up in sleepy Rutherford, Ohio -- and seem enthusiastic about dating average Joes like Dick, Harry, Tommy, and Officer Don - Sally suspects that something's amiss. Before she can warn anyone that the women are really Venusians bent on dominating Earth, they discover her and force her to become one of them. The Solomon men embark on a country-wide search for Sally that ends at the Super Bowl, where the lethal lovelies have planned to unleash their most devastating weapon yet -- the ultimate beer commercial, designed to enslave mankind into coughing up the rest of their pricey consumer goods. In the supervixens' lair, the Solomon men seem defeated, but with the help of Sally, who only pretended to turn against them, and Venusian Mascha (Crawford), who's been won over by Harry's simple charms, Dick and company jam the commercial broadcast, explode the mother ship, and convince the supervixens that a career in modeling might suit them. Meanwhile, Albright and Nina's plans to attend the Super Bowl are thwarted when the Solomons steal their tickets to gain access to the Venusians, and back in Rutherford, Officer Don throws a decidedly low-key Super Bowl party.
Pickles and Ice Cream
Harry's pet follows him to Earth -- in human form; Sally visits her first gynecologist and decides to pretend she is pregnant.
Auto EuroDicka
Dick has casual sex with a woman he meets in line at the movies, then doesn't understand why Dr. Albright gets upset when he keeps talking about the encounter. Dick learns that the woman is the mother of one of his students, Bug, whose father and brothers pay a visit to Dick in an effort to teach him to show a little more respect. Sally decides she needs her own car, and she, Harry, and Tommy learn about the joys of shopping at a used car lot, where they learn that the salesman is decidedly not a "friend who's there to help."
Stuck with Dick
Dick wants to get back together with Mary, so he's in luck when they find themselves locked in the school library overnight. Meanwhile, Sally, Harry and Tommy search for Dick. Their first (and only) stop: Mary's house.
Portrait of Tommy as an Old Man
Tommy, tired of having to handle all of the "kid" duties [when in reality he's the oldest member of the mission], decides to retire. After he spends some time at a retirement home, he changes his mind, realizing that a big part of what makes you old is acting -- and being treated - like your old. Dick, thinking that Mary is anguished because she never got a chance to fulfill her fantasy of becoming a torch singer, tries to help her to realize that dream. He learns that sometimes the choices we make between two career paths can be right on the money. In a moment of weakness, Officer Don steals a pair of Sally's panties, and makes a series of vain attempts to return them without being caught in the act.
My Daddy's Little Girl
Albright's father walks out on his wife and into Sally's life, while Harry walks into Rutherford College's vacant radio studio and begins his career as a shock jock.
The Physics of Being Dick
Dick demands that Sally and Harry go to work, so she signs on as Albright's research assistant and he gets a job tending bar. Then Dick decides on a career change for himself (he wants to be a cop) after a disastrous Career Day at Tommy's school.
Just Your Average Dick (1)
John Cleese puts his zaniness to good use in a two-part guest shot as a new professor who's even nuttier than Dick. And smarter. He's hotshot Dr. Liam Neesam, and he's a little too good at everything he does. He makes his first appearance in Part 1, as Albright (Curtin) is getting fed up with the fact that Dick -- and the rest of the Solomons, for that matter -- are "weird." "It's like being around the Addams Family," she moans. So Dick sets out to make his brood "average," and succeeds so completely that Albright finds him boring. Enter the off-kilter Dr. Neesam, who she thinks is kind of charming.
Dick and the Other Guy (2)
Dick has a rival for the title of Pendelton's nuttiest professor -- and a rival for Albright's affections -- with the arrival of the mysterious Dr. Liam Neesam. Meanwhile, Sally feels that she's losing her touch with men after Don seems to lose interest in her.
Sally and Don's First Kiss
Sally turns to romance novels for inspiration when it's time for her first kiss with Officer Don. Unfortunately, whether they try it on a windy, moonlit bluff or in the Solomons' kitchen, the kiss just isn't special enough. Sally becomes resigned to breaking up with Don, but when she goes to the police stable to tell him, the magical combination of horses, thunder, lightning, and Don's newfound forcefulness combine to make Sally realize Don's the guy for her after all. Dick is perturbed because Lucy the cafeteria lady charges him -- and only him -- for crackers. Realizing he has no control over her inexplicable dislike for him allows him to free himself from being bothered by her unjust treatment. Harry graduates from night school, and he and fellow classmates Mrs. DeGuzman and Larry reminisce about all the great times they had together during their ten-week enrollment.
When Aliens Camp
Dick takes the family camping as a mission bonding activity. At the campsite, the family and Mary all become angry with Dick -- the family because he lies about bringing Mary along after he tells them it's "family only," and Mary because he tells her the family doesn't mind she's coming along. After they all cast him out, Dick goes off by himself and attempts to form a new society with a troop of Beaver Scouts he encounters. The Solomons assume Dick is lost and set out to find him. They (especially Sally, who resents her command being usurped) initially reject Mary's offers of help in finding Dick... until they realize she knows a lot more about the outdoors than they do.
The Tooth Harry
Mary is asked to appear in a new Pendelton University promotional video. Dick whines until he is also allowed to participate. Unfortunately, neither of them shares the director's vision of what their "performances" should be like, and they are unceremoniously replaced by other "actors" (including Tommy). Harry volunteers to drive Nina to the dentist. A romance develops, but fizzles when the money Harry leaves under Nina's pillow as a Tooth Fairy reward is misinterpreted, and Nina, highly offended, throws him out. Officer Don gives Sally a key to his apartment, but his glee soon turns to gloom when she starts seeing the place as less of a love nest and more of a one-woman party zone that she can trash whenever she wants to. When Don calls her attention to her inconsiderate behavior, she apologizes -- but he still takes back his key.
Eat, Drink, Mary (1)
The Solomons wind up their third season -- and perhaps their mission on Earth -- with a romantic dinner party that turns predictably raucous. The chef is Tommy, who has just "come out" as a gourmet. The guests: Dick and Mary, Don and Sally and Harry and Mrs. Dubcek's amorous daughter Vicki, who is back in his life. The trouble is, Vicki's jealous ex-boyfriend is hot on her trail. He's also hot to "put a hurt" on the competition and kidnaps Harry just before he transmits a message from the Big Giant Head. The other Solomons miss the communiqué, which promises devastating consequences for the family.
Doctor Solomon's Traveling Alien Show (2)
Discovering that Harry has been kidnapped, the other aliens search for him, somewhat handicapped by the fact that the Big Giant Head is punishing them for not filing their reports by shutting down Dick's higher brain functions.
Power Mad Dick
When Mary is named the new dean, Dick assumes her power also applies to him, and wastes no time in firing his nemesis from the lunchroom, Lucy -- who immediately files a grievance. Meanwhile, an excited Sally prepared to lose her virginity to Don, but finds herself unable to discuss the event with anyone.
Feelin' Albright
When Sally learns that she's not Don's first girlfriend, she is consumed with retrospective jealousy and determines to track down his exes. Meanwhile, Dick learns what it's like to be the dean's boyfriend when everyone ignores him at a function except the other "faculty wives". He decides to prove his worth by staging a fashion show to raise money for repairs to the campus statue, but succeeds in raising only $100 above expenses. Meanwhile, Harry and Tommy "creep out" Mrs. Dubcek by setting themselves up in business with a lemonade stand.
Collect Call for Dick
After Dick almost bites into a "Fuzzy Buddy" in a fast-food restaurant burger, he becomes obsessed with the collectibles. Meanwhile, Tommy goes overboard on school spirit when he becomes the basketball team's mascot. The Solomons confront the collector mentality when they discover Fuzzy Buddies -- highly collectible small plush animal toys. Sally enjoys the thrill of the hunt and the prospects for financial rewards, Harry just thinks they're cute, but for Dick it's deeper -- he enjoys the sensation of collecting until it gets to be like a drug for him, and his family and friends have to do an intervention. In an effort to instill "pep" into Tommy, the basketball coach forces him to become the team mascot, "Hootie the Owl." Initially contemptuous, Tommy finds that folks (especially cute cheerleaders) dig him when he's in costume, and the power goes to his head. When the team loses, Tommy, high on school spirit, tackles the coach, landing him in the principal's office.
What's Love Got To Do, Got To Do With Dick?
Dick, frustrated because busy dean Mary never seems to have time for him, finds himself increasingly enchanted with his new officemate, Jennifer. Confused by his feelings, he vows to resist the attraction, but it's too much for him -- they kiss. Sally tries to fix Nina up with Don's friend Eric, then takes it as a personal insult when it doesn't turn out to be a love match. She schemes to bring them back together, but the only passion she manages to ignite between them is their rabid dislike for each other -- hardly a satisfying victory for Sally. Tommy fixes up the "Love Tester" machine at the bar where Harry works, then is miffed that he can't make it go higher than "Cold Fish."
I Am Dick Pentameter!
Dick tells Mary he thinks they should see other people, and she laughingly agrees, not knowing he already has a candidate lined up--new officemate Jennifer. Dick is fascinated by Jennifer's intoxicating giggle, her adorable penchant for rhyming, and the brave way she copes with her numerous food allergies. Just as a furious Albright learns of Dick's new dalliance, he begins to grow less and less enchanted with Jennifer's eccentricities (particularly the rhyming), and to regret ever having ended things with Mary. Meanwhile, Sally, Harry, and Tommy question the limited functions of the kitchen and the living room, and decide to design an über-room with the best elements of each--"the Klivingtchen."
D3: Judgement Day
Dick decides to dump Jennifer and finagle his way back into Mary's heart as an uproarious three-part romantic misadventure concludes. Dick, who has been driven to distraction by Jennifer's allergies and constant rhyming, is in luck, at least as far as Mary is concerned: she's seen him with Jennifer and is willing to eat some crow to win him back. It would seem that Dick holds all the cards. Now all he has to do is play them. Meanwhile, Officer Don turns Sally on to the joys of bowling, and comes to wish that he hadn't.
Indecent Dick
When Playpen magazine arrives at Pendelton for a model search, the Solomons react to the issue of nudity in different ways. The idea intrigues Sally, who decides to pose---which infuriates Don, who chooses to cancel his lifetime subscription. As for Dick, he encourages Sally, but becomes apoplectic when he learns that Mary posed for art photos 20 years before. And Harry? He simply takes off his clothes. "I just wanted to find out if this whole clothes thing is just a big scam," he explains. Meanwhile, Tommy's overdressed: he wants to impress his new lab partner Alissa.
Happy New Dick!
As the New Year approaches, Dick is in despair because he feels he hasn't accomplished anything all year. Meanwhile, Don gives Sally a necklace, then earrings, for Christmas but she wants more. Dick, pondering the significance of New Year's Eve, fears that he's done nothing of consequence in 1998. When he mistakenly thinks it's midnight a few minutes early, he embraces Mary and dances with her in the snow -- a perfect moment that he later realizes was not only his most meaningful act of 1998, but also a lovely way to start 1999. Harry hires Larry and Mrs. DeGuzman to work at Happy Doug's Bar with him, but they're both so dang lazy, he fires them both on New Year's Eve. Officer Don gets upset that Sally takes advantage of his nice-guy nature, and he lays down the law -- her cutesy, little-girl cajoling will no longer work on him. Sally realizes that with her feminine appeal comes a great deal of responsibility for using it benevolently, and she vows to do better in the New Year. Tommy, the party coordinator for Happy Doug's big celebration, is completely frazzled by the enormous responsibility of helping Rutherford ring in the New Year.
Two-Faced Dick
The Big Giant Head grants Sally's three-year-old request for a "gender reassignment" - and switches her body with Dick's. Meanwhile, Harry takes over Happy Doug's bar while Doug is on vacation. Responding to a three-year-old request from Sally that she be given a male body, the Big Giant Head switches Sally's body with Dick's. Each of them has to cope with all the thorny details of gender reassignment, including such specifics as how to deal with men's catcalls, and where to find cute shoes in Dick's size. Plus, each of them has to successfully maintain the other's romantic relationship. They each get as far as a kiss, but before things go any further, their request to switch back is granted, leaving them both far more knowledgeable about what it's like to be a member of the opposite sex. Also, vacationing Doug leaves Harry in charge of the bar, which turns ugly when some tough-looking bikers start hanging out there. Just when Harry and Tommy have decided that the bikers aren't such bad fellows after all, they rob the place, leaving it in a shambles.
Dick Solomon of the Indiana Solomons
Dick receives an invitation to a family reunion that was meant for someone else, but decides to put down 'roots' and pass himself off as Richard Solomon, the long-missing nephew of Abe and Florence Solomon in Indiana. But acquiring an extended family proves to have its drawbacks when Dick, Sally Harry and Tommy go to Indiana with Mary to meet their new relatives and discover the reason why the real Richard Solomon dropped out of sight 43 years ago. While Harry immediately clicks with crotchety Uncle Abe, Cousin Jacob is decidedly frosty to Dick. Meanwhile, Cousin Janine is more than frosty (she's downright freaked) when Tommy tries to get friendly with her. "We're very distant cousins," he wails. "You have no idea how distant we are."
Dick and Taxes
After three years on the planet, the Solomons finally learn about an organization called the IRS. They also learn that they owe it $9500. What to do? Dick's idea: "We can lie." Dick's never paid taxes, and after trying to fill out the forms himself, he enlists Mary's help. When he sees how much he owes, he decides to be the only American ever to think of the brilliant idea of cheating on his taxes. When Dick gets an audit notice, Tommy has to fudge an explanation for what each family member has been doing for the past six years. The auditor, however, doesn't buy any of it -- even the "we're aliens" defense, which he's heard before. The Solomons agree to pay their hefty tax bill, and thank their lucky stars their true identities are still a secret. As part of the tax deception, Sally pretends she had a failed home business -- a hair salon -- but when she puts up the sign, women start pouring in. Sally enjoys the camaraderie and the gossip, but never quite gets the hang of cutting hair, and with no repeat business, the salon fails for real.
Sally Forth
When Sally tells Officer Don she can't take living with Dick, Harry, and Tommy anymore, he assumes that she wants him to propose. Sally realizes, however, that what she really wants is to start living as an independent woman, and they tearfully break off their engagement. When Dick has a tenant-landlord dispute with the Dubceks, he casts Harry out of the family for consorting with the enemy. The situation escalates to the point where Dick, frozen and filthy, is reduced to squatting in his apartment without benefit of heat or lights. The feud ends when Dick realizes he was so preoccupied that he didn't pay attention to an important milestone in Sally's life -- her all-too-brief engagement. When Alissa, the girl of his dreams, gets detention, Tommy works hard to get punished as well, in the hopes that it will provide him with the perfect opportunity to ask her out.
Paranoid Dick
Albright's feeling a little uncertain about her waning power at the college, and Dick eggs her on into full-blown paranoia. As a result, she gets caught breaking into another professor's office looking for evidence of a nonexistent conspiracy against her, and winds up losing her deanship. Meanwhile, Vicki Dubcek convinces Sally that the perfect thing to help her get over her breakup with Don is a weekend of riverboat gambling on the Cincinnati Queen. Vicki and Sally engage in the rituals of backstage flirtation with a seductive Neil Diamond impersonator. Harry manages to win big at gambling without getting hooked, but loses all of his winnings to the lure of the casino gift shop.
The House That Dick Built
Dick feels like his control over the mission is falling to pieces when Sally decides to move out, and Harry considers having a baby with Vicki Dubcek. Dick tries to sabotage Sally's attempts to find a new place, but Sally decides to rent the apartment over Mrs. Dubcek's garage, Dick breaks in, posing as an intruder, to scare Sally into moving back home, but she beats the tar out of him. Meanwhile, Harry's debating whether or not he should have a baby with Vicki because he's unsure, both of his and Vicki's parenting abilities, and of the consequences of human/alien interbreeding. The two of them drop in on the house where Tommy's helping Alissa baby-sit so Harry can take the baby for a "test drive." When he sees how good Vicki is with the baby, he knows everything's going to be fine. Also, Tommy tries to figure out whether or not he's officially Alissa's "boyfriend."
Superstitious Dick
Dick receives a chain letter, but hesitates to discard it when he sees all of the ill fortune that befalls Mary after she scoffs and tosses hers out. When Dick does throw his away, he worries that he won't receive the prestigious physics grant he's applied for, and becomes obsessed with oddball charms and superstitious behaviors he thinks will bring him luck. What he doesn't realize until too late is that his weird behavior itself has caused him to lose the grant. Sally discovers the wonders of the Hardware Stop Superstore with the help of hunky and extremely competent employee Justin, and begins concocting problems just to spend time with him. Harry, whose orange shirt looks exactly like the Hardware Stop uniform, is baffled when other customers keep asking him to help them make keys, weigh bags of nails, and answer hardware questions. Also, chagrined that Alissa seems to have a massive crush on the Rutherford Ice Hogs' star hockey player, Tommy becomes concerned that he's not manly enough.
Y2dicK
Dick, who's never figured out computers, decides it's time to get plugged in. He discovers e-mail and the internet, and withdraws completely from the physical world, relying on take-out food, chat rooms, and live video feeds, and shutting out people, fresh air, and sunlight. When Mary tries to drag him away, he knocks over a Big Gulp cup, shorting out his system. Venturing outside to find the fuse box, Dick realizes that his computer wasn't keeping him connected to the world -- it was keeping him separated. Sally and Tommy go to buy a new TV set, but the more they learn about the available technology, the less satisfied they are with each purchase they make, until they've upgraded themselves into near-bankruptcy. Sadder but wiser, they return their expensive audiovisual equipment to the store. Also, Harry's all for trying to have a baby with Vicki, until the whole medical-science part of it makes it impossible for him to get in the mood. He tells Vicki it's the natural way or no way, and, turned on by his primal-ness, she agrees.
Dick the Mouth Solomon
Sally meets a suave Italian-American man at a restaurant. He woos her, and when she learns he goes by the name of Sammy "The Butcher" Marchetti, she and Tommy are thrilled because they assume he's a mobster. Sammy asks Tommy to run errands for him, and Tommy's excited to be working as -- he assumes -- a bag man for the Mob. When Sally and Tommy learn that Sam's not actually a Mafioso but a real butcher, his appeal fades, and they both lose interest in him. Mary, concerned that she and Dick need to work on their communication skills, convinces him to go to a couples retreat. To her dismay, her good intentions get turned around as everyone there -- including Harry and Vicki, the poster children for public displays of affection -- embraces Dick for his openness, and criticizes Mary for her emotional unavailability.
Citizen Solomon
Now that Sally's moved out and won't clean for them anymore, the male Solomons decide that it's time to get a maid. They hire Mary's cleaning woman, Cathy, an inscrutable woman who makes their place sparkle. Overwhelmed by the results, the Solomons begin thinking of Cathy less as help and more as a treasured family member -- despite the fact that Cathy gives them no encouragement to do so. Meanwhile, Sally, jealous of the guys' affection for Cathy, decides that she'll turn the tables -- if Cathy can "steal" Sally's family, Sally can steal Cathy's. Finally, Cathy, tired of the Solomons' intrusion into her private life, quits. Also, Tommy joins the staff of the school paper and is made editor, displaying a penchant for unearthing scandals both real and imagined. Busy with his new duties, Tommy assigns ex-girlfriend August to review Alissa in "My Fair Lady." August's review is unflattering but honest, and Tommy, true to his journalistic ideals, decides to run it. When confronted by a tearful Alissa, however, Tommy buckles, shifting blame to his "biased" ex-girlfriend's desire to destroy his happiness.
Alien Hunter
A mysterious woman, Charlotte, turns up in Dick's life, claiming first to be auditing his class, then to be writing an article about him, then to be an "intellectual groupie." She charms Sally, Tommy, and Harry, who are happy to oblige when she offers to help plan the surprise birthday party that Dick has demanded they throw him. Dick is too busy having his ego stroked, and the family is too busy being grateful for her help, to wonder what Charlotte's real story is -- which they regret when they learn she's an alien hunter, come to dissect Dick's brain with the help of her hulking son, Ned. Although Charlotte's called all the invitees to tell them the party's canceled, they begin showing up anyway, interrupting the skull-cutting process. Ned ties them all up in Mrs. Dubcek's basement. Sally, Harry, Tommy, Don, and the others run upstairs just as the FBI arrives to capture Charlotte, a well-known crackpot who has mistakenly thought any number of innocent citizens to be aliens. The Solomons remain unharmed and undetected... for now.
Dick vs. Strudwick
Dick's faculty nemesis, Dr. Vincent Strudwick, writes a physics book that's hailed as a work of genius. When Dick realizes that writing a better book would expose him as a superior alien being, he seeks another means of getting even, finally seizing on Strudwick's displeasure at learning that his teenage daughter Alissa is dating dreaded Solomon spawn Tommy. Dick manipulates Alissa to cause trouble between her and her father, and the conflict comes to a head at the taping of a TV panel show about Strudwick's book, which erupts into Jerry Springer-style fisticuffs. Meanwhile, Sally and Don, feeling "lonely" since their breakup, find themselves succumbing to "ex sex." Also, once Albright befriends a group of misfit Nobel laureates who are in town to hail the publication of Strudwick's book, she can't shake them -- they've imprinted on her like a litter of helpless kittens.
Near Dick Experience
When Sally, Harry, and Tommy narrowly miss being crushed by a chandelier at a restaurant, their near-death experience fills them with a new reverence for life -- and fills Dick with jealousy that he wasn't able to share this deep experience. The newly enlightened trio volunteers at a soup kitchen for the homeless, and Dick signs up for a wilderness hiking trip with Mary, hoping like the dickens that he'll lose his footing and find serenity via a near-death experience of his own. While Dick is trying desperately to have his own near-miss with death, the others learn that their new appreciation for every leaf, every bird, and every fellow man is fading rapidly with the passage of every hour. Sally, Tommy, and Harry have just about returned to being their blasé, uncaring selves just as Dick joins them on the roof, bursting with news about how he's just managed to escape death's clutches in a car accident. Now Dick's found a new love for life, but he's still the odd man out.
Dick's Big Giant Headache (1)
The Big Giant Head announces his plans to visit the Solomons in person to chastise them for their poor mission performance. Dick tells Sally to move back in, orders Harry to stop trying to father a baby with Vicki, and tries to prepare Mary for the arrival of his old "college chum," worrying privately that the supreme leader might not find her to have been a suitable use of his time. The family goes to the airport to meet the Big Giant Head (William Shatner), a drunken good-time charlie who's taken the name of "Stone Phillips," and who, in short order, moves in and takes over their lives. Dick quickly loses favor with Stone, who's unimpressed both by his choice of girlfriend and his leadership skills. Stone is, however, quite taken by everything about Sally, especially the length of her legs and the shape of her torso, and decides to make her the High Commander instead of Dick. Meanwhile, Harry keeps trying to avoid Vicki, but eventually he tells her that they need to cool the baby thing for a while, and she runs away from him in tears. Also, although he's initially unenthusiastic, Tommy plans to attend the junior prom because it's so important to Alissa. Vicki is sad to hear all the prom talk -- she never got to go to hers, and she's felt the lack ever since.
Dick's Big Giant Headache (2)
Reeling in the aftermath of his demotion, Dick has to get used to taking orders from everyone else in the crew -- even Harry -- a humiliating experience that makes it difficult for him to perform sexually. Even though she didn't want to believe the family's taunts about the reasons for her promotion, Sally finally realizes Stone only made her High Commander because of her looks. Stone makes a pass at Albright, who declines and tells Dick, who's psyched that Stone's changed his mind about Mary. Stone goes to the prom with Tommy and Alissa, where a drunken Stone dumps a punchbowl over Alissa's head, then serenades the promgoers -- including a bedazzled Vicki, who decided it was finally time to attend her junior prom -- with "Close To You." In the high school hallway, Stone encounters Vicki and "beams" her up to his "bachelor pod" for some lovin'. The next morning, Vicki turns up pregnant, and her pregnancy develops to full term in a matter of moments. Stone, who had been planning to make Earth his base of operations, gets the uncontrollable urge to flee once he learns of Vicki's pregnancy, leaving Sally in charge. The Solomons and Albright rush Vicki to the hospital, where the nurse proclaims, "I can see the head. Boy, is that a big head..."
Episode I: the Baby Menace (3)
Greatly relieved when Vicki's baby turns out to be human, the aliens are freshly alarmed to discover that she intends to sell her story to the tabloids.
Dick for Tat
After he learns that Mary once had a fling with Dr. Strudwick, Dick determines that he must retaliate -- but he has to convince Mrs. Strudwick to take part in his plan.
The Fifth Solomon
The Solomons don't realize how fond they are of their car until Dick wrecks it. Meanwhile, Harry finds out about insurance.
Dial M for Dick
The Solomons attend an interactive murder mystery at a mansion, but they don't have a clue that other guests are actors and that the action is scripted.
Dick and Tuck
After seeing Mary and Tina drooling over a photo of Harrison Ford, Dick looks into the possibility of undergoing plastic surgery. Meanwhile, Harry has his outlook changed after the surgeon assesses his features and pronounces them perfect.
Dick, Who's Coming to Dinner
The Solomons learn about racism when they mistakenly attend a white power rally, then enter a poetry contest for elementary school students.
Sex and the Sally
While Sally finds out about birth control and Dick learns about tipping, Tommy and Harry discover the rewards of panhandling.
Charitable Dick
Dick finds out what it means to be charitable when he attends a charity auction and gets into a bidding war with Strudwick over a worthless painting. Meanwhile, Sally tries to stop snoring, and Harry and Tommy attempt to write a new statement for the Solomons' mission.
The Loud Solomon Family: A Dickumentary
Albright gets a grant to make a documentary about the Solomons, whom she admits she has been studying for the past four years and has concluded are "the typical American family." Taking this as the ultimate tribute to the success of their secret mission, Dick orders everyone to cooperate, but when the action begins, all sorts of dramatic revelations occur. To cover up their true secret, the aliens find themselves inventing escalating cover stories: Sally is really a lesbian, Tommy wets his bed (but only because Dick beats him), Harry is an alcoholic, and Dick -- well, Dick is a posturing, authoritarian fool. Who'd have thought it?
Gwen, Larry, Dick and Mary
When the aliens' washer and dryer break down, Harry, Tommy and Sally discover a whole new world at the laundromat: the men flirt outrageously, while Sally becomes the Judge Judy of laundry offences. Meanwhile, Mary suggests that she and Dick expand their social lives by finding another couple to spend time with, and when the other couple starts to avoid them, they assume it is because of Dick's bizarre behavior -- only to discover it's she they don't like.
Dick Puts the Id in Cupid
When he learns that Mary is seeing a therapist, Dick's paranoid about what she might be saying about him. Meanwhile, Tommy's intimidated about having sex with Alissa when he finds that it won't be her first experience. When Mary's rebellious niece Tiffany comes on to him, he is only to happy to dispose of his virginity -- and to inform Alissa he has solved "their" problem. (Can this be the end of Alissa?)
The Big Giant Head Returns
William Shatner reprises his role as the Solomons' supreme leader, the Big Giant Head, who returns to Earth to claim his son. Even though he's startled at first that the 6-month-old doesn't resemble a warrior, Stone Phillips (the Big Giant Head's earthling name) quickly becomes a proud papa. He also falls head over heels for the infant's mom, Vicki, who has abandoned her trashy look. But she despises him and has no plans to give up his heir. This causes a frightened Dick (to find himself between a Stone and a hard place when ordered to either make Vicki love the leader--or die!
Rutherford Beauty
Dick gets in trouble with Mary when he shares with her his compulsive erotic fantasies about Nina. Sally tries everyone's patience when she becomes a fanatical follower of a lifestyle guru a la Marta Stewart, and Mary asks her to cater her dinner party.
This Little Dick Goes to Market
Dick decides that since the Solomons have come to Earth during the greatest bull market in history, he should get in on the action. But when Dick and Tommy realize they've only made a measly 35 percent on their investments, greed takes over and they take matters into their own hands. Meanwhile, Sally feels "emasculated" by (and Harry falls in lust with) Rutherford's newest rookie cop Janice -- the largest, strongest, toughest woman they've ever seen.
Youth is Wasted on the Dick
Dick tries to experience youth for the first time by partying with his students during spring break, but his drunken antics are wasted on Mary, who is trying to relive a favorite, and more relaxing, family outing instead. Meanwhile, Sally, Harry, and Tommy become enthralled with a no-nonsense state criminal investigator, who takes over Officer Don's command post when the police set up a stake-out in the Solomon's attic to spy on a suspected video pirate in the neighborhood.
Dick Strikes Out
When a new chancellor shakes things up at Pendleton, Dick gets a striking idea and convinces his fellow faculty members to resign en masse. Meanwhile, Tommy takes a job at a pretzel stand at the mall, but finds that working for girlfriend Alissa isn't as much fun as he expected.
Shall We Dick?
Over Mary's objections that she can't dance, Dick insists that together they can win the school Badger Day dance contest. Meanwhile, Sally and Alissa become pals -- and when they go clothes shopping together, Tommy's frustrated because Sally has a chance to see Alissa naked in the dressing room. Meanwhile, when Harry and Nina join the contest, it soon becomes clear to Dick that if he wants to win, he'll have to change partners to dance. A competitive Dick enters the Badger Day dance contest but when his tangle footed partner Mary quits in disgust, he commandeers Harry's date, the more nimble Nina, out from under his nose. Elsewhere, just when it appears that Sally will finally become friends with Alissa, she turns vindictive when Alissa accidentally walks in on Officer Don and sees him "au natural."
Dick and Harry Fall Down a Hole
Dick and Harry tumble down an abandoned airshaft, prompting a televised search-and-rescue headed by an eccentric Scottish expert known as "the Hole," who promptly clashes with an agitated Sally over his unorthodox rescue method. Meanwhile, down in their dark prison, an excitable Dick finally loses control while Zen-like Harry remains cool and calm. Above ground, Tommy tries to make a fast buck by hawking souvenirs of his trapped friends.
Frankie Goes to Rutherford
Frank, a former student of Mary's, returns for a lecture series and makes Dick (unaware Frank is gay) jealous. When Frank confesses he has a secret, Dick jumps to the conclusion that Frank is also an alien, "comes out" to Frank, and is soon cavorting in Rutherford's finest gay bar while thinking it is a hangout for other covert aliens. Meanwhile, the other Solomons plan a bank robbery, but fall prey to mutual suspicion.
Dick Solomon's Day Off
While Dick discovers the pleasures of faking "a sick day," the other Solomons find new kicks listening to cell-phone calls on Officer Don's misplaced scanner.
The Big Giant Head Returns Again (1)
It's troubled relationship time in the season closer. The Solomons' supreme commander arrives with a troubled marriage to Vicki and a surprise for one of the gang: he's in love. Meanwhile, Harry summons up the courage to ask new police recruit Janice out on a real date; and Sally becomes convinced that Alissa is preparing to dump Tommy.
The Big Giant Head Returns Again (2)
It's troubled relationship time in the season closer. The Solomons' supreme commander arrives with a troubled marriage to Vicki and a surprise for one of the gang: he's in love. Meanwhile, Harry summons up the courage to ask new police recruit Janice out on a real date; and Sally becomes convinced that Alissa is preparing to dump Tommy.
Les Liaisons Dickgereuses
Mary's rich, spoiled sister Renata arrives in Rutherford. Dick formulates a plan to help Mary get the best of her once and for all. But Dick's falls in temptation when he gets a chance to live a life of luxury.
Fear and Loathing in Rutherford
In an attempt to reconcile with Alissa, Tommy goes to her house with the feeble excuse that she still has the beer tap they rented for the senior party and he needs to return it. Strudwick snidely tells Tommy that he thought Alissa had given him his walking papers. But Alissa surprises her father by leaving the house with Tommy carrying a suitcase (containing the beer tap). A few hours later Strudwick goes to the Solomons' apartment looking for Alissa. Mrs. Dubcek observes that the evidence points to an elopement. Dick and Strudwick enlist Mary's help and drive off to stop the wedding.
Indickscretion
High school's over for Tommy, and he decides it's time to follow the lead of Jack Kerouac and hit the road. Dick and Mary go to the movies with Sally and Don and then to dinner, and in the course of discussing the sexy movie they've just seen, Dick and Sally begin to rave about how wonderful their respective partners are in bed. Both Mary and Don are mortified. Tommy, with Harry tagging along, arrives at a broken-down gas station at the edge of Rutherford and, realizing they're out of money, sees no alternative but to go to work pumping gas. Sally and Dick, discussing their evening out, are disturbed when they realize that neither of their partners had anything to say about their talents in bed. Don and Mary accidentally meet in a supermarket and realize that they're suddenly madly attracted to each other. They can't resist kissing before they go their separate ways. Tommy reveals he's a talented manager as he begins to whip the gas station into shape. Dick and Sally are shocked and angry when Mary and Don confess that they shared a kiss. Tommy begins composing beat poetry about his gas station job, but it's Harry who hooks up with some rowdy characters who want him to party with them. Soon Phil, the gas station owner, and Harry tell Tommy that they're hitting the road; Tommy can run the station. But Tommy wants no part of it. He decides he's ready to go to college; Harry suggests maybe he can study Kerouac. And Sally pleads with Don to take her back; she'll do anything to satisfy him. While Mary confides to Dick that she's not in love with Don; she doesn't even like him.
Dick'll Take Manhattan (1)
The Solomons find themselves leading different lives in a "parallel universe" New York City. (Part 1 of 2) A very bored Dick, Sally and Harry step through the portal to another dimension (located in the bathroom's shower) and immediately find themselves in a chic Manhattan loft. It's soon revealed that Dick's a high-power attorney, Sally writes a racy newspaper column about sex, Tommy's a cast member on Saturday Night Live and Harry is president of a television network. Dick has to try his case before Judge Nina Campbell, who will tolerate no nonsense from him. Harry sits in on a creative meeting with lots of fawning young executive types. A conservatively dressed Mrs. Dubcek is his secretary. Don is also here, but now he's mayor of New York, and he doesn't want a girlfriend who's a nut. But Sally has very little trouble breaking down his defenses, and she's happy. Dick, however, isn't happy. He's looked everywhere, but he hasn't been able to find Mary. He goes into a bar and encounters Leon from his physics class who's the bartender. Strudwick, who's now a priest, is also at the bar. Dick turns around and sees Mary, who's holding a microphone, about to sing a song. She wears too much make-up and is cheaply dressed with a world-weary air, but she's sexy nonetheless. Dick's thrilled to see her. Mary's a failed actress who has changed her name to Kiki Lyle. The years haven't been kind to her, but Dick's just happy that he's found her. Tommy, whose career on Saturday Night Life has exploded, decides the time is right to dump his very new girlfriend and fellow cast member. And Sally's upset when she learns that her boyfriend, the mayor, has a wife.
Dick'll Take Manhattan (2)
Lawyer Dick romances seedy-bar-singer Mary, while Sally is involved with Don, the mayor of New York. (Part 2 of 2)
Why Dickie Can't Teach
Tommy can't decide where to go to college, and Dick is really pushing Pendleton: when it's all said and done, Princeton and Pendleton both serve fish sticks. Dick says he'll give Tommy a personal tour of the campus. Harry wants to go too but the other aliens remind him that he's not going to college. Meanwhile, Sally's upset that Don's not included in a newspaper article on Rutherford's ten most powerful men; she can't fathom how this is possible. Sally says maybe she's let Don down; maybe she hasn't thrust greatness upon him. It's time to rebuild him into the powerhouse he's never dreamed of being. On campus, Mary tries to help Dick recruit Tommy, but Tommy just wants to sit in on a class. Sally decides to throw a power brunch to turn Don into a success; she invites everyone on the top ten list plus other important townspeople. At the brunch, she wangles an assistant's job for Don with Gus DeMarmel, president of DeMarmel lunchmeat; never mind that Don has absolutely no business experience. Since Don already has a job, Sally tells him to take the night shift and be an assistant during the day shift. After sitting in on only one of Dick's classes, Tommy tells him that he's a terrible teacher, much worse than Tommy imagined. Don starts his assistant's job, and Sally couldn't be more proud. Insulted by Tommy's remarks, Dick says he's forbidden to go to Pendleton. Tommy's delighted, so Dick then informs him that he will, in fact, be going there. Tommy asks Dick what his problem is. Dick's so bad at teaching that Tommy thought he knew. Don is crazed at work when Harry and Sally show up, and he has no time for them. Tommy talks with Mary, and she confesses she feels guilty about trying to recruit him, because Pendleton's a clown college. Harry convinces Sally that Don is blowing her and is now in search of a trophy wife. Sally says she made Don, now she can break him. When Dick proves unsuccessful at teaching some kids to play hopscotch, even Mary agrees that he's a bad teacher. Sally sabotages a project Don's working on, and he gets fired. And when Dick tells Tommy he plans to quit teaching, Tommy reminds him that no matter how good or bad a teacher he is, his real job is to be high commander.
B.D.O.C.
The aliens give Tommy a big send-off to college, including two cases of beer and a fake ID, but as he's leaving Sally and Harry get ready to interview his replacement. The candidates have materialized in the closet and are ready and waiting. Both aliens are sold on Christie, an extremely efficient young woman, until they meet the incredibly handsome Bryce. Sally's bowled over by Bryce and hires him on the spot. Harry's upset, but he's quickly overruled. Meanwhile, Dick drops Tommy off at his dorm, and they reminisce about all the missions they've been on together. Sally's loving every minute that Bryce is around, but after Bryce's first day on the job, Dick decides to go get Tommy and bring him back. Tommy's already enjoying college and flirting with girls. Dick arrives and tries to convince Tommy to come home and go to Pendleton if he must go to college, but Tommy says he's not leaving. He does manage to convince Tommy that to impress the girls and really make a name for himself he has to come up with an outrageous freshman prank. Dick convinces him to literally turn the chancellor's office upside down, nailing everything from the filing cabinet to the ficus tree to the ceiling. Dick pulls the fire alarm as a final touch and locks Tommy in the office. At last it hits Tommy that Dick's trying to get him expelled. Back at the apartment, Sally has given up trying to be subtle and is openly hitting on Bryce, who's very uncomfortable. Dick's disappointed when the Chancellor merely issues Tommy a warning for his offense, telling Dick he doesn't want to stifle youthful exuberance and reminiscing fondly about a few of his own college pranks. He even suggests that Tommy might like to meet his daughter. Harry and Bryce confront Sally with the charge of sexual harassment in the workplace. Sally pretends that she's sorry and offers to resign; she heads toward the closet, but at the last second she shoves Bryce in. That evening Dick goes to see Tommy in his dorm room and tells him he's making a big mistake, but Tommy refuses to come home. Dick has to confess that he didn't want Tommy to grow up; Tommy replies that parental love, at its best, is the only love that leads to separation, and Dick realizes that it's time for him to go. The Solomons, without Tommy, are on the roof. Sally and Harry tell Dick that Bryce is gone; he didn't work out. Dick is saying how funny it seems without Tommy just as Tommy is coming up the back steps with a laundry basket. Since school is only an hour away, he thought he'd do his laundry at home.
Red, White & Dick
After they sing "The Star-Spangled Banner" at a football game, the Solomons become enamored of all things American.
Dick Digs
When Mary invites Dick to accompany her on an archeological dig, he eagerly accepts; he's seen "Raiders of the Lost Ark," so he knows how exciting and dangerous archeology can be. The Rutherford Garlic Festival is underway, and hotel rooms are at a premium. Since Dick's gone on the dig, the other aliens decide to rent out his bed. Soon the Solomons' apartment becomes "The Inn at Solomon House" with Tommy and Sally committed to giving their guests outstanding service in hopes of earning four stars in the Crown Travel Guide. Harry's not enthusiastic about the new venture, because he gets to do all the dirty work. At the dig, Dick's disenchanted when Mary gives him a trowel, a brush and an air bulb and tells him to carefully dust the sediment in one square foot of land. Dick grudgingly gets to work and later complains that he's been working five hours and all he's found is a pointy rock. Mary's astonished when she identifies his "pointy rock" as a spear head. She sadly confesses that she's been going on digs for years and has never found anything. She's had to buy the artifacts in her office and has even gotten some from eBay. She says she would have killed to have found the ceremonial wedding moon that Dr. Powell, the leader of the dig, uncovered earlier. Dick tells her not to worry; he's sure she'll find something. Harry's fed up with his new job and resigns; he shows up shortly afterward and wants to register as a hotel guest. If he can't be a guest, he'll write a negative letter to the Crown Travel Guide, so Sally and Tommy reluctantly allow him to register. Harry immediately becomes guest from hell, demanding constant massages and tickets to "Les Mis." Back at the dig, Mary sees little point in continuing, because she's sure she won't find anything, but Dick insists she go on. He slyly plants something where she's been digging, and soon she unearths a wedding moon identical to the one found by Dr. Powell. She's ecstatic until it's revealed that, in fact, it is Dr. Powell's, and she's accused of being a thief. She's furious with Dick, but he assures her he was only trying to make her feel better. Sally can't bear another minute of waiting on Harry hand and foot, so she announces that she too is quitting and will be registering as a guest. Tommy says nothing doing. He's sick of the whole thing. Together the aliens order their unsuspecting hotel guests out of their house.
There's No Business Like Dick Business
While Dick and Sally form an act to entertain at children's parties, Mary and Harry get involved in Officer Don's self-defense class.
A Dick Replacement
Dick and Mary visit Rita, a psychic, together, and Dick scoffs that the whole thing's a rip-offuntil the psychic says that Dick and Mary are from two different worlds. She adds that one of these days Dick will leave Mary and go back where he came from. Dick immediately decides that he should devote himself to locating his successor, someone worthy who will wait in the wings until Dick has gone. Later, Sally tells Harry that if the psychic talked about Dick's leaving the planet, she must know they're aliens; they have to kill her. Dick takes Mary to a singles bar in search of the perfect replacement, but he acts so strangely that the bartender thinks Mary's a hooker and asks them to leave. Harry and Sally set about hatching wildly unrealistic plots designed to do away with the psychic. Nina tells Dick about Gary Hemmings, a visiting lecturer who's dying to substitute for him. Dick talks with Gary and offers him the chance to replace him; Gary thinks he's being offered a staff position at the University. Gary's a bit puzzled when Dick insists that he meet Mary, saying that if Mary doesn't like him it will never work. Harry and Sally visit the psychic. Harry gets her in a headlock and smears honey on her blouse. Unfortunately, he's forgotten to tell Sally that his plan involves killer bees, so she can't supply them at the crucial moment. Dick, Gary and Mary meet in a restaurant, and Dick embarrasses and puzzles Mary as he attempts to play matchmaker. Harry and Sally re-visit Rita, who wants to throw them out, but they manage to get her to talk about herself, and she confides that she's always pictured herself dying during a passionate night of lovemaking. Harry's not sure he's up to doing the job, and Dick shows up and says he needs to speak to Rita first. He wonders how much time he has left; Harry tells Dick that however much time he has from now on, he's just a temp. Dick tells Gary he has the job and will probably be in the sack with Mary that evening. Gary protests that he won't sleep with Mary to get the job, and Dick says that sleeping with Mary is the job. In that case, Gary, who only wants a chance to teach physics, is having no part of it. When Mary finds out what's been going on, she's afraid that Dick might be dying, but he explains that he was just spooked by what the psychic had to say, and now he's decided he doesn't want to be replaced.
Dick's Ark
Dick gets a new camera and proceeds to make Mary angry by taking her picture against her wishes. Mary decides the two need a weekend off. Sally catches Harry walking around in the rain in her new suede jacket and decides that since the weather men can't accurately predict the rain they should pay for it. Upon going to the studio she then gets hired to be "Sally Storm" the new weather girl. Sally is told by Dick to stop being the weather girl after constantly being accurate, at which point they see that a major tornado will hit their area. Dick then remembers the college has a bomb shelter and proceeds to allow Sally and Harry to both bring one loved one to save from the carnage. Dick has to then try and get Mary to come, and does this by making Nina thing that an intervention(AA style) is in order.
You Don't Know Dick
After everyone convinces Dick that he doesn't know what Mary likes, he tries to buy concert tickets for the two of them.
My Mother, My Dick
When a new alien accidentally arrives through the time space portal, Dick tells Harry and Sally that it's their responsibility to take care of him. And Dick alienates Mary by taking sides with her detested mother as he tries to navigate through the minefield that separates the two women.
Glengarry Glen Dick
Dick and Don are seduced into buying an expensive timeshare together, but their vacation paradise turns into a nightmare when they take Mary and Sally on their first getaway -- and discover the place was built on a landfill overlooking a prison. Elsewhere, Harry becomes convinced that he's shrinking after he notices that Tommy has grown taller than him, so he mistakenly visits an "enlargement" clinic in hopes of increasing his height.
Dick Soup for the Soul
Dick thinks he's found the key to true happiness after reading Mary's favorite self-help book, so he rids himself of all conflict in his life -- including Mary, his main source of friction. Sally tries to help Tommy get into his college fraternity of choice by posing as the Assistant Pledge Master during Hell Week, but her grueling physical tests push Tommy to the limit. Meanwhile, Harry becomes tortured in his quest to re-paint the kitchen ceiling.
Mary Loves Scoochie (1)
John Cleese reprises his role as Liam Neesam, Dick's malevolent alien nemesis in the first of a special two-part episode. In part one, Dick intercepts love letters sent to Mary by "Scoochie," a secret admirer, and plots to interject himself into Mary's upcoming assignation at a Renaissance festival with the mystery man.
Mary Loves Scoochie (2)
Dick can't stop Mary from dating her secret admirer "Scoochie" (really alien Liam Neesam), even though he suspects Liam is only using her as part of his plot against all mankind. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang find the "prequel" to their favorite movie, Arthur 2.
The Thing That Wouldn't Die (1)
Mary is having some trouble dealing with what she saw: Dick transforming Scoochie into a monkey. Dick inevitably tells her the truth and she has a hard time to believe in it. Eventually she accepts it and even becomes fascinated by it. When everything seems to be going fine for Dick, Harry announces that their mission is over and they are to leave Earth.
The Thing That Wouldn't Die (2)
As a result of the manner in which Dick settled his dispute with Liam, the group is ordered home. Of course, there are always loose ends to tie up before a long space trip. Dick wants Mary to accompany them, and Sally decides to instill confidence in Don. They organize a farewell party, and Harry and Tommy decide to charge everything and not worry about being around to pay the bill. They even hire Elvis Costello to sing "Fly Me to the Moon."